"GRAVY FOR YOUR BRAIN!" – Conspiracy Theory (1997)
Things are getting worse in Walnut Grove. The hooker princess, Nellie, has set up a restaurant but gave the Shum-Buck Tribe a really bad stomach infection. They’ve declared war on Walnut Grove and they will murder all the human freaks …
[curated: 4/6/2023]
Charles is heading to the Mill, to cut up some wood for that new old-person processing plant outside of Mankato. “They’ll just send the old people there when they get to be too much trouble”, Charles would say, with a smile.
Caroline is taking care of the home, and she sees Laura, down by the creek, looking sad … oh. So Caroline goes on down there, to the creek, to bother her young’in … shit.
Caroline: “What’s wrong honey?”
Laura: “I’m in love with Almanzo, but he’s going to the circus with Christie … the stripper …”
Caroline: “Well, I know the guy who knows the dude who runs that infernal Satanic show …”
Laura: “You DO?”
Caroline: “Yeah … and I can get you in there, dressed as some kind of ginger freak raggedy Anne style mother-fuckin clown person …”
Laura: “You will?”
Caroline: “Yeah …”
Laura: “I’ll do some bit, and chase one of those fat ladies or bearded clam ladies around … with a ‘bucked of water’, amirite? – but the bucket will contain kerosene, and I will set that stripper whore on fire …”
Caroline: “Oh my, yeah …”
[curated: 4/6/2023]
Caroline: “Hi TOBY, how ya been doing?”
Toby: “Oh … can’t complain, can’t complain … yiddity yiddity …”
Caroline: “We just slaughtered a beast, would you like to stay for stew?”
Toby: “Well …”
(many months later)
Charles: “We’re outta food … we’ve been hunting out past Sleepy Eye … everyone is gone.”
Toby: “There has to be more beast-flesh …”
Charles: “There’s this old widow … but she’s gross …”
[curated: 4/5/2023]
Laura: “Does God really punish people, like the Bible says?”
Charles: “No Half-Pint, that’s our job … now go get the ax and the shovel … saw, and wheel barrow too …”
[curated: 4/5/2023]