My family comes from the great City of Uusoo, near the 100th MERIDIAN. These secrets are buried in the music video below, so tragically hip.
In the years between the GREAT MUD FLOOD of 1780, and WHEN the last of the nuclear fires died down in 1870, my family migrated to the Oneida Utopian Colony where men and women had monkey sex and goals and hope. Our jumbled past fills volumes with air pocket miracles. We ruled 67 tribes of hooker women. Our WINE was envied. We laid down our seed trail in the EAST and then moved WEST when the maps erased our names and the FLAME of Old Tartary was extinguished.
We ruled the SKIES as SPACE DEMONS and DIRIGIBLE DUKES! My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great GRANDPA was the 64th Commodore of the GREAT TARTARY SKY NAVY … aka COMMODORE-64 … all of this encoded into the ephemera of modernity. Terrors struck the pimp lords of ANCIENT S’COMPTON and the frugal lords of Jebluus wound needle string tomes of longing and soup. During the GREAT SKY RACE of 1745, my ancestors flew a ship called the CLOUD BUSTER and its flag was gold and red and white and black.
There is still a statue to my greatest ancestor, Admiral James T. Kirk, you can see it here:
And as with so much evidence of ANCIENT TARTARY, this statue was renamed FIRST and then TOPPLED by the communists and frag-warriors of MONKEY HERPES FAME.
TARTARY has been at war with DENMARK for 24,000 years …
Danes ravaged our women and stole our cigarettes …
Danes would not brush their teeth and consumed canned fish and stale vegetables …
We fought so many sky battles against the DANES and Hooker Republics of Mars.
Our lesser ancestors cleaned toilets and ate mule paste. They wandered the 8 realms of Tartary, stealing, messing about, working the docks and selling guns and whiskey to the IRISH.
I have only recently discovered my family’s origins after consuming a special mushroom and having a sample of my jizz analyzed by super-scientists at the BIOMAT money-4-blood shoppe. Inside my power-protein are the lines of past adventures and princely passions. There is a lost Shakespearean FOLIO that outlines in many histories the story of my family, but these documents were lost and replaced with INFINITE STAR WARS and MARVEL MOVIES.
Careful harmonic analysis of RAP MUSIC inscribes these truths as MIND ETCHINGS and broken tantrum dreams. WEEVIL WONDER lay beneath the deceptions and the liars must be beaten with rods. Travelers from other dimensions have relayed other findings and the MOTHMAN tells his own tale.
WE RODE MAMMOTH and ate like kings in old TARTARY.
One of my ancestors married a GIANT named “Old Tooth” – Old Tooth had one big tooth and spent his days smoking crack and hanging on the stoop of his apartment … drinking malt liquor.
Many years ago we discovered ancient jars of clay.
Stored in the jars was a dried substance, dusty, musty, pale and moldy. The material was sticky and when water was added to it, it became a smoky white griddle-cake topping. This was the kind of breakfast food that the TARTARIANS consumed daily, a wretched grease habit picked up from the DANES.
My TARTARIAN NAME is traced to KINGS AND QUEENS that ruled the bug trade of those ancient times. We accrued and LOST great wealth, and when the MUD FLOOD arrived and the 100 years of chaos we were some of the TRUE SURVIVORS, hanging on to the last crusty on the edge of the toilet bowl. We call it the GREAT FLUSH, you skleeb-yeoman call it the MUD FLOOD … we are not the same.
Maps from 1767 show my family’s holdings stretching from WEST CHICAGO to the RIO GRANDE and all the way to PORT ANGELES, WA. We owned the 5 castles which guarded the NORTH PASSAGE and we traded with sklyg-orks and weasel-woke.
Recent tragedies in my own life? – not because I’m an old crotchety burn out … no … because of the GREAT COVER-UP of OLD TARTARY.
Supposedly, Port Angeles was FILLED IN WITH MUD about 100 years ago when the timber harvesters showed up and started hunting long pig. That’s the story at least …
If you follow me, all 6/7 of you, then you know I think a major catastrophe is upon us and the worst of it will begin this summer. You can think of it in banal terms as “global permafrost collapse”, but in reality that boring description hides a potential extinction level event. Best case scenario: we are heading towards Hot House Earth and large swaths of the planet will become uninhabitable very soon.
The PRC and its leadership have likely been aware of this for a long time, and IF the Covid/Vaccine campaigns were military psychological warfare then perhaps ONE of the purposes of this was to hide massive forced migration of Chinese citizens to climate safe zones in the deep south – S. America, New Zealand, Tasmania, Antarctica.
When I was a kid no one I knew in Western Washington needed air conditioning, ever. This may seem off topic, but as I was out walking today (in early May) I remarked at one of the more obvious cases of someone who had installed air conditioning and it seemed like it was on full power – Port Angeles, WA. This summer a lot of folks, especially in King and Pierce Counties, will be buying AC units, heat pumps, escape from the unrelenting heat.
Also, as a kid 5 decades ago, we were told we never had to worry about GREAT WHITE SHARKS in the Puget Sound, for three basic reasons: a) the orca pods would scare them away, b) the water is too cold and c) there’s plenty of food in the ocean for them or along the coasts. I’d say (a), (b), and (c), used to be true – none of those points are true now. The local orca pods are NOT doing great, the water is warming and FOOD in the wider ocean (see the story of the gray whales) is not the giant feast it used to be.
Add to this, the recent discovery of new sharks in the Puget Sound. Predators will avoid breaking boundary conditions of their habitats IF there is plenty of food. When the food runs low the predator has the choice of staying and dying OR going some place else. While cold water threatens great white sharks, WARM OR HOT water is just as bad for the great white – they like it warm, but not too warm. That’s the Puget Sound now, warm, not too warm, orca pods not doing so great, and plenty of food (for a creative predator).
This summer will be a barn burner, and the Western Washington beaches (like West Beach near Deception Pass) will be very popular.
I wonder if this will be the first summer a large shark attacks a swimmer or other human in the Puget Sound. Ghoulish? – yes. Exaggeration? – no.
