"GRAVY FOR YOUR BRAIN!" – Conspiracy Theory (1997)
“Is Janet Yellen your friend? – that’s the question you have to answer.” – Dr. Freckles
Do you think she’d actually warn you, or is the former best case scenario now a limited hangout of lesser catastrophe fakery magnitude?
“It takes one cop to repossess a car, and two cops to repossess a person.” – Dr. Freckles
Shut up AND LISTEN fucker …
The wookie people are coming … they’re tired of our insolence and wrathful deceitfulness and our cocaine breakfast parties …
they grow tired of our FANCY ATTITUDES …
they seek after GREASE WISDOM and the John Travolta “barbarino” happy ending …
Wookies are everywhere …
SHUT UP …
There are mass graves all over Utah … nobody talks about it. Places where hundreds of folks, natives, gypsies, were just buried … no one knows why.
You go to Vernal and say “hey buddy, want to talk about those mass graves under the WALMART” … and it’s just deer in the headlights man … and your the JORGEN NULL beast.
The elderly track down their lost cousins, to some RANCH near T’lib, where the old style Mormons have 30 wives and love is a wet noodle pie. They know about the dead, the humpton flesh, the dregs and crags and lost boys. So many humans from the atomic tests, burnt alive, and then just dumped in the Utah desert …
So shut …. LISTEN … please.
The CAT LADIES of Chicago mean business.
Prices of cat food keep going up, so they pick up some poor sap at the bar and get him home, and kill him. Then, with the Kitchenaid, they turn that poor suitor into FANCY FEAST for their furry kids …
These cat women don’t care about you … they might be sexy and busty, but they will feed you to their cats …
SHUT UP FUCKER … listen.
UNIVERSAL PEST MERCHANTS are setting up shop near PLUTO. They don’t care that it’s not a planet and they don’t give a shit about your IDEAS or DREAMS …
These sleaze flesh dealers are looking for pink-monkeys and they will sell these among the QUIB of REGION-HOTEL. They get gold and diamonds for each hairless atrocity as they dance to the naked duel snakes and live like DUKES on the chamber of dark energy and brown dwarfs …
AND YOU SIT THERE AND ACT LIKE EVERY THING IS OKAY!
Eating your McMuffins and pondering Sklade the Foul?
Your time is coming RUBE and the glow of amber lightning shall envelop your tasteless heart and a cat named PHIL will relieve you of your LIFE …
DO YOU HEAR ME MOTHER FUCKER?!?
Listen …
In the not too distant future:
And I still don’t think you can hear me …
(you’re not listening)
“You don’t reason with a PSYOP, you ignore it.” – Dr. Freckles
Options:
“For your dog, every truck is YOUR truck, and if the food is on the floor the maritime laws of salvage apply.” – Dr. Freckles
“If space is hard, the Moon is impossible.” – Dr. Freckles
“Talking about communism is like talking about outer space or dragons.” – Dr. Freckles
“People start talking about dungeons and dragons and it sounds like NASA to me, why?” – Dr. Freckles
“Whatever ‘sex’ is, it’s NOT about friendship.” – Dr. Freckles
“Anyone that talks about the covid-19 unironically deserves to be ignored.” – Dr. Freckles
“Funny thing about inflation: it doesn’t mean much if you don’t have any money.” – Dr. Freckles
Yes – there’s been inflation.
No – I can’t say that the amount of free cash out there has been very extensive. Seems like poor folks still don’t have any cash – so if you have nothing, it’s kind of irrelevant what the price is.