What are you making for Cinco de Mayo?

What are you making for Cinco de Mayo?

Are you making that beef and squash you made last year? You brought it to the PUB where you get smashed with your channel friends, Gertie said she had crabs, and you both cried, and then had some of that STIMBLY you made from dried out muskrat and twice chewed menses. It was a real hit.

Derek stopped by after the SKLOOB party at Nate’s place, and he told you he loved you and he’d marry you and give you babies. And you guys drove out to the LAKE for the SUBMARINE RACES, the chases, and he said he smelled tuna – and you smiled and said “yes”. That was some dish you made, for Cinco de Mayo.

What you cooking up, for MAY 5th?

Your mom is coming over, and she always made TEXAS STYLE ARMADILLO CHILI for Cinco de Mayo. Her crusty-jell would smell up the kitchen, but the tender gold mold-gravy is what you and your wife are waiting for. Too much potato wax spoiled it last year, but if you drink enough beer (cerveza) you can stand her … for a while.

Paul shows up late, with his hoor date from Grinken Town, and the letters on her read “shell fish”. You can have your TUXEDO style dance moves, but your brother loves his Arkansas sideways Sally. Never forget how many hours you spent in the bathroom … last Cinco de Mayo.

WHAT YOU UP THIS CINCO de MAYO?

I heard you made PIZZA last year … with pineapple, and Canadian bacon. I saw you, watching RACHEL RAY and cursing on Shambla. Your cat, so tired of your drab scab, wondering WHEN she gets to pick your bones – she sits on your lap, you poo sap, eating SWANSON’S SALISBURY STEAK dinner again … for Cinco de Mayo.

The building super comes by and checks on your plumbing, but even his greasy eyes refuse your lies, as you stand there near naked in a t-shirt and silk underwear. You grab the Sangria and make your way to the fire escape, knowing that the MAN RACE is dead, and the race to the bottom is just beginning. Last Cinco de Mayo.

THIS CINCO de MAYO …

Are you going to apologize to Tony?

Tony has been waiting this whole year …

He thought you hated him, because of his baloney sandwich smile and that detestable grin on your visage, as the gauge of brain fog spreads WEST.

Tony was never gonna forgive you, but he’s bringing TACO SURPRISE this year, something intended to coop and steal the culture of MEXICO … to APPROPRIATE the LATINX lived experience.

He’s also going to tell you he has syphilis, and you should get checked too … this Cinco de Mayo.

THE BUNKER

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240428_THE_BUNKER.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

The bunker: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11765

16 Candles: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11779

Already in Hell: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11763

Dying of a Stroke: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11761

Ghost guns: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11759

Y2K: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11737

Prep Work: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11757

Gaslighting: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11755

Don’t question it: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11773

Ignorance and Death: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11776

Bringing it back: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11788

Can’t keep up: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11785

Camper life: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11795

“If Ukraine falls …”

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240428_IF_UKRAINE_FALLS.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

If Ukraine falls …: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11739

MOVIE IDEAS: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11713

Truth and gaslight: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11717

Constantine, Christ and the STATE: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11715

Regrets: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11711

Façade: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11709

Sea Jizz: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11706

VOTERS: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11704

Voting time: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11702

Respect and Approval: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11700

Seattle and Detroit: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11698

Your Critical Revenue: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11696

Validating Honey Pots: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11689

Professor Crab-Tree: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11687

Fart Demons: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11684

Freedom and Physical Assault: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11682

That bridge: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11680

Squishy Stuff: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11668

ENZO CARDITIS

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240427_ENZO_CARDITIS.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

Look Away: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11657

ENZO Carditis: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11545

Hyper Sexual Cicada Monkeys: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11577

I’m 5’4″: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11599

Why not killer robots everywhere? (of space and AI): https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11482

Horses are hunting people: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11582

Cleats: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11573

Fallout and Coping: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11653

Libraries: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11517

Fireball Challenge: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11489

Fireball Challenge2: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11465

HEIST: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11486

There’s a mystery in Sector 19: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11459

My Old Kentucky Rifle: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11468

Olive Garden: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11456

Homemade: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11451

My name is NOT TOBY: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11665