On this date in 1233, the MORGUS THRONG was defeated by General Zod of the 8th Dlimbli Army of hedonic zeitgeist … and Queen Morbly released her boobies before the crowds, in symbolic supplication to the destinies of broken hound folk …
Yergis, the frog-greaver, took the castle near the SUN and made corn bread sausage for Captain Quint.
July 4, 1233
Today is the day we remember, when on July 4, 1876, Doctor Klebins of Boogs, Mississippi, built the worlds first microwave snack dinner. Half the town were burned by radiation and the rest were hunted by mutant alligators and other Louisiana style trash.
Heeptous, of Southern Alabama, declared all swamp zones to be of WOO-POISON and under the sway of Kentucky style stripper-witches … all of whom were high on KRANK.
And they were heroes … July 4, 1876.
On this date, so long ago, July 4, 1954, Pumpkin Head rose up from the Bikini Atoll Test Site to kill and ravage nuclear hookers in sector-7.
On this date the MINUTE MEN invented MINUTE RICE and gave millions diabetes …
On this DATE, the GREAT PRINCESS MARGUERITE led the scrumbly English fleet to a great defeat during the 3rd Pig War: Pigaggedon …
On this date, July 4, in the year 989 AD, Sister Boona of the Wallslyan Cloister of outer BUSTY, was ungunjoolating herself in the sacred baths of Tlam, when she discovered the healing power of SEA-FLOW … a husky and dusky and swarthy young heebdous-herder, named DEEBOUS, shirtless and sweaty, transferred his tig-oil into her boovula …
We’re getting SEA-FLOW up and running, so we’re hiring spider-herders and grease farmers and tube masters and gizz-specialists …
All kinds of new people at work.
We hired a 72 year old at work.
Yes, she’s hotter than my HORBLIX-GWERMER.
But she’s not my best pipe fitter. She doesn’t make skleeve pudding. She hasn’t seen me eat debly-tiger, and decided she loves my grease pipe anyway.
So, I’ll pass. Thanks.
There’s this new front desk girl named DERBY BENZ …
She has a garden with hens and talks about OLD TIME McNuggets. Her moms go to church at the 56th Eagle Chapel, where Doc Nord talks of Hell cannon and Moroccan Piss dreams … When the KEZ-MEN get done at lunch, and the heavous-salsa weighs heavy? – You can see them sizing things up, and imagining “late night copy center mix ups” … or something sleazy in the breakroom.
But not for me, I’m focused on SEA-FLOW …
We have a new delivery boy, he calls himself Thomas Bard.
His eyes are yellow and his hands shake, his mind is a graveyard of turbulence and horror. When you talk to him, he looks at you, stares inside your brain-case … and then just walks away, to move box mania further towards the END.
He ain’t no friend, not with cast iron smiles. He stinks of jerky and vodka and lost dimple franchise strippers.
But he’s not making gravy for Charlene no more.
Onion: keep pealing that onion, keep going down the hole …
Millionth Council: “Every living thing on this planet has an aura. The area that you are discussing now is the aura of this planet. It is a communicative channel through which the Millionth Council governs this planet. Anyone going into this area when the communication channel is open do not disappear, but they are in the timeless void. They are all alive and well. It is the only area through which the council can communicate with this planet.”
