PLANETARY STATUS REPORT!

You can’t get twisty-egg disease unless your boovula is inflamed and there is darstiss residue collecting around the ring of your dorf-crooz.

I remember when Cary Grant made love to some blonde bimbo on a train, but he was hunted by angry Germans armed with bats and drag queen scamp oils … he got some kind of worm from eating that doberman-cake at the fishnet rally for OLD GREY BEARDED FREAKS and other hippies living in Sector-455-ZEBRA …

There are swamp turtles in South America, the live off of water buffalo scat and Amazon greebe-shit from dying anacondas … These turtles are infested with tiny singe-ant maggots, that feed on their brains and muscles … so the turtles move excruciatingly slow, and are covered in fungus and moss and other tiny worlds … People who have eaten these turtles also become infected, and the maggots eat away at all their happy memories, leaving them slow and sad and covered in moss …

SKY-VIRGINS do battle in vacuum ship dreadnoughts, 20 miles above the surface of the Earth. Sometimes you can see the flashes from their plasmatic rail guns, sometimes a laser blast or an explosion … The ships up there have poor circulation and are a home to many different kinds of mold … mold that enters these SKY-LESBIANS boovulas and cause stringus-infections and super-yeast-12000 … If you are sick from this type of infection, you can douse yourself in gasoline and monk-jelly and grab a road flare and jump out the airlock, falling through near space, towards the land below …

You get “flea-gulls” from hanging out at the ANCHOR BAR off of Grinken AVE in San Francisco, CA. They get into your junk, and your junk stops feeling right … So you take your gold to Melba’s off of 3rd and sell two pints of faerie dust jizz to take your lightning wand to the BIG EASY … You can buy a gamma ray laser to get rid of those fuckers … they’re tearing the insides out of you.

After 8 PM, when the guile folk tremble before MORTE, the guest is allowed to feed on lice pudding and the chef is allowed to bite the dark oyster …

When jousting near Mumbai, and your elephant craps a big one? – you can BUY a KITE-WRESTLER, or one of those kids that grabs a welding torch and tears apart ships along the shore, like sand termites … they have the tumor juice … they know.

Here is a short list of additional concerns:

1. fire ants
2. coodies
3. killer bees
4. great white sharks
5. albino alligators
6. roaches, giant ones
7. rats of enormous size
8. vampires
9. robots
10. herpes 9000 – don’t want
11. vaccines for make believe problems
12. nuclear holocaust
13. bacteriological warfare
14. chemical warfare
15. computers
16. hookers
17. pimps
18. ex-wives
19. ex-wives that become hookers
20. LOVE

LOVE is the KILLER …

LOVE IS GONNA WASTE YOU …

LOVE IS GONNA TEAR YOU APART.

(the ultimate parasitic illness)

(love)