Category: Boblimptock

Posted on

Did you?

Did you take the garbage out?

I told you to, but did you?

Did you call your mom?

Your mom has been calling all day and she wants to know if you’re okay …

So did you call her? Shit head?

When you left your woman in bed this morning, as she languidly lay there, inconspicuously rubbing her “target zone”, did you consider that Robby the Repairman is coming later – to fix the pipes?

Robby knows where the clitoris is … do you?

Did you think that your life would be over, so soon?

Did you think your love would be darkness and ruin?

Think about her and Robby.

Did you make money on BITCOIN?

MILLIONS!

Are you living in a nice home not far from Fuegas?

FUEGAS CITY?

But your mind is an empty plastic trap, and your mouth festers with halitosis …

You have every STAR WARS action figure, but no love, nothing real …

Your hooker women are not real …

Did you wear a condom?

Did you find a way home?

A way back to that land of JOY and SORROW?

Is there some green pasture you might walk upon, as your bare feet capture soil and grass?

There’s a log cabin, with an old lady making supper … m’yeah …

There’s a woman in a wool dress, picking up mushrooms and chestnuts and elderberry …

There’s a dog, chasing squirrels … isn’t that nice?

And then you smell the lie – and the sky turns RED and the land is dead …

Did you pray?

Did you ever think about going to SPACE?

Riding in space ships, and chasing aliens, and having sex with green women that have large jugs?

Did you?

You could sign up with SPACEX, and travel to Mars and drive fast cars – hang out with Elon at that new Oxygen Bar on Olympus Mons or you could retrace the steps of Admiral Tagus, the first gondo-lord of Mars.

Did you think you would ever do any of that?

(you sad fuck)

Posted on

“We need that new cannon …”

“We gotta build dem dare PLOTON CANNON before THEY DO!”

“Who are ‘they’?”

“How the fuck should I know …”

“We gotta harvest suptick-fuel from the Himalayas … and you know China doesn’t care about babies …”

“We gotta build a rocket catapult?”

“Why?”

“So we can reach the sky, then …”

“Then what Ben?”

“We’ll touch the face of God baby …”

“We have to deploy the X-RAY BEAM.”

“Why my friend ZED?”

“Because if we don’t, the bad guys will zap us dead.”

“Then what happens pal?”

“We retire to a cottage and smoke crack in SO-CAL.”

“That’ll be nice …”

Posted on

Dirty money …

“Believing you earn clean income in the USA is like believing those Bureau of Land Management signs that say: ‘these are YOUR public lands’ … they’re not, and your income is as dirty as anyone else.” – Dr. Freckles

Posted on

Lists …

I’m going to tell you a story about lists. We think lists are good, and this is true like a fork or a shotgun. Good, useful, dangerous, painful.

I’m going to tell you about lists of friends, and some of them are friends, and some of them are not.

I’m going to say, we keep LISTS of grievances.

I have a running list in my head, and I call it NED, and it’s a demon that lives in the woods.

We keep track of petty shit, mostly because we’re afraid.

We keep track of things we don’t like about someone else, mostly because we don’t want to talk, even if it means breaking up.

Our tiny lists,

like pythons,

strangle us.

Lists of “good” and “bad” people, based upon some arcane criteria of hate or disgust.

Lists of “non-human” and therefore disposable people, a list of 3 doctors in Canada gets you the cruise to Valhalla.

I suffer from depression, periodically, and it helps me to keep a list of things that make me happy – if the list gets to one or two, then it’s time to “phone a friend”, so to speak.

There’s the Burger King stage, where if you’re really depressed, but someone asks you “want some Burger King”, you say yes: because you’re still out of the worst parts of depression.

So I keep a list that keeps me alive, and happy, and grateful – as much as an old curmudgeon can be, in 2023 Boblimptock.

So some lists good, some lists bad – be wise, like Solomon.