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Pick Up Lines …

“Baby, wanna sample my cheese whiz?”

“Oh, Colby Jack …”

“I really love your tits and ass …”

“Oh My Colby … stop”

I’m going to go to a bar, next Friday, and walk up to some woman and say “baby, wanna sample my steak sauce?”

And she’ll say “sure”, and we’ll make love in the bathroom at the CHEVRON.

Colby Jack?

He’s got a 9 inch cock and knows how to use hit …

He massages a woman’s happy-zone so she squeeze out some squish-juice and your pushing it up inside, eh, Colby …

And after? – he buys her boob oils.

When I find my woman on the bed?

All greasy and ready and pouting with her tucked lower lips?

And her valley is on fire?

I press my minktus-pipe up to her, and whisper c# API commands into her ear, and then she turns on … literally … because I bought her, a sex doll, from a Korean dude.

Pickup Line:

“Hey baby … wanna give me a hand job in your car so I can blow my load … I don’t have a car … nice tooth, btw.”

Pickup line:

“a woman’s flower is a petal mystery”

I say this to you and your legs split open and your arms grow limp, as I slam my pork sword into your egg-hole. And we fall in love and get married at Shakey’s …

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Noodle, noodle, yankee doodle …

I was at the WALMART, and this dude, in some sort of hypno state, was muttering:

“noodle, noodle,
yankee doodle,
drop that bomb,
on Old Saddam”

It sounded like it, truly he was at ramming speed with his shopping cart and I just got out of his insane way and didn’t take notes.

But folks: it’s getting crazier out there

The dude at WALMART …

He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad … he was crazy.

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Famous Thoreau quote …

This is a reworking of a famous Thoreau quote:

“You keep voting, I’ll keep drinking – let’s see who stays sober the longest.” – Dr. Freckles

Thoreau: “I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion. Let us see who is the strongest.”

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I need a woman …

A woman of iron and brass …

A woman of knives and glass …

A woman made of tissue and chess …

She might be named Bess.

Not some lukewarm velveteen,

but a woman that shakes her fist at God, with passion.

She’s okay with pizza, but doesn’t want you to hear her fart.

She walks with pride,

a sexy stride,

and if she lies about her former lovers? – she does so to protect your pride.

I need a woman that can outshoot me,

and out love me.

Her body is shaped like some beautiful ocean,

islands and eddies …

Shoreline from the mountains of her busty-ness,

to the hidden valley ranch.

I want the cave-girl vibes,

with a job that pays …

I want to take care of her,

but she doesn’t need it.

She’ll build a cabin, just for us …

We’ll grow crops and harvest the beast …

Our love will run deep.

She won’t sell her juice for yeast.

SHE will be demure,

but with fists to match her passion.

She will be dignified,

with a .357 for any man that tries to TAKE from her.

She will be smart, but not a showoff …

And when she sees pain, she’ll be the healer.

I need a woman who knows the Lord in Heaven rules,

but she’s not afraid to be my whimsical lover.

I want a woman who is NOT afraid to be slutty,

in private,

when the doors are closed.

I need a woman who is NOT afraid to be fierce,

in public, in the wilderness,

where the monster lurk.

I need a woman who will wear jeans and boots,

and stand watch on the tower,

and wear a flower,

for love.