PLANETARY STATUS REPORT!

The great commune will be filled with love. Love-juice will spring forth from each Slavic hooker as Che spice fills the air and Trotskyite fur merchants sell coke to Sally Jesse Rafael. And after the 44th War of Immensity the STAR CHILDREN will return to harvest the scuzz-ruddle.

The GREAT COMMUNE built potato guns to fire a missile to the Moon, sending spew-funk to the edge of the universe and leaving Kubrick a way out. J-HAWK masters massaged the wooden staff and brought forth hydrazine for the making. And the engine glowed red then white hot, love hot.

THE GREAT COMMUNE will have a 24/7 salad bar, the freaks will hangout all night drinking and shoving kale down their throats and talking about the proletariat. The TRADE REPS will squabble about their “steel to sugar” ratios, as the diabetes eats away at their brains and their souls ooze away into the storm drains. The waitress will refill your basket of cheese-bread and clean the vomit off of the sneeze guard. And tickler-spen critters will break down the droppings that fall easily from each chair, through a hole in the bottom.

The GREAT COMMUNE built a STAR CRUISER called the MONESTRA and she was big and bold and covered in glass. She had copper tube engines and asbestos filter life support, her two stroke uranium engines emitted a stink-color-green and caused the itchy tumors. Sig-sect dealers would trade their banjo spice for a ride on this great SPACE BATTLESHIP, but nobody made it past the abandoned factory where she lay. Just eggs for gray clatter squid and the monthlies checked in early for the booby girls.

My commune leader gave me permission to leave the compound and forage for brazzle-berries and gabe-fruit. I found a lost jib, and removed its skin to inculcate the untoward British crone. Skizzy, my ass mistress, went to town – opening four toenail parlors outside of Brooklyn Heights. The submarine fleet monitored our wanderings, and we finished the day sunbathing near the reactors.

THE GREAT COMMUNE will use snig-niggets for most work – these are dwarfs and midgets that are bred to clean homes and take care of toilet grease and scrape away the dried urine. They would work the fields and pull the comrades about on a rickshaw. When the midgets get too old they are fed to the wild pigs and then the pigs are slaughtered because you can make a great BACON with them … seasoned.

You spend time in the COMMUNE meeting the phone booth cadres covered in mongoose stock and regal splendor. Your DICK HEAD BOSS is COMMISSAR FRED and his new boss just won the Worker’s Award for Total Dedication. You grabbed a spazz nugget from Michael, and sought after the fire burdens of TOOLEY and BRIM. The food that is fed to you comes from the abandoned stadium, and old hot dog chunks keep you company by the gallows.

The great commune has:

1. free body flushing
2. enemas
3. scoob-slice pizza
4. jindo-nurses
5. hot cider Tuesday
6. wooden princes
7. log cabin heroes
8. tomato sausage
9. color TV
10. mudflats
11. forbidden pastures

And so we return home again, to the COMMUNE.

THE GREAT COMMUNE.

Our last bastion …

Our only hope.

You think your AR-15 is gonna SAVE YOU, do YA?

… like it’s the CIVIL WAR and crap?

You sit there in your wall to wall carpeted condo, snorting axle-dust and beating off to 2 LIVE CREW music. You have black-light posters of Black Sabbath and talk up the GOOD GAME of “bunkers” and “hooker harems” and stockpiles of MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED. Your chili-cracker hideout has already been targeted by KING JUSSAR and the GENERAL is sending a missile your way … and you think that AR-15 is gonna save you?

You think that GUN protects your kids?

There of mug-night scum that wander S’compton and nearby and wait for you and your slut wife to go to sleep. They have bats and chain and lead pipes, they slunk about half naked and high on PCP and KROKODIL and METH. Their teeth are red and yellow with the still wet grizzle of some tough customer they had to take out behind the Wendy’s … Your kids will be hunted, as you sleep with your AMBIEN whore, and they will be shipped to Saudi Arabia and turned into WHITE SLAVE CATAMITE FREAKS … and your gun didn’t stop those gypsies, it just made them lustier, angrier, wrathful and overwrought.

You just bought a flamethrower?

What are you going to do with that flamethrower?

You think you’re tough enough to take on the WHOLE 82nd AIRBORNE DIVISION with that one flamethrower?

Brumble-beasts will saunter their way to your humble abode, releasing the stench of your GUNS and KNIVES and FLAMETHROWERS. Your kids and family trusted you to protect them, and you bragged and bragged about your precious flamethrower. You told TODD, your neighbor, “hey man, I got this basement of food and ammo and AR-15s … and now I got this flamethrower man …”. Todd’s family began starving first, and Todd would come by, awkwardly, begging for his family – and you would, politely, turn him down … Sure, you stand watch with your .357 RUGER REDHAWK, and your flamethrower nearby, but you need sleep, whiskey … Todd comes by one night when you’re passed out on the couch and brains you with that award you won for teamwork and then he ties up your wife and kids … steals your food … ammo … flamethrower … and burns your house down …

Are you SURE that AR-15 is gonna help you?

You’re being chased by TEAM X-RAY, the most advanced United Nations special ops team. They’ve tracked your truck to REALM 77ROMEO and plan on dropping a mini-nuke on your position. They have shoulder fired nukes, 1KT yield, capable of taking out a whole city block man … and they’re coming for you. They have neutron bomb hand grenades they’re gonna shove up your butt, and then toss your ass over the cliff … and below, as you smash upon the rocks, you’ll see your BLACK RIFLE, your AR that’s been chambered for .300 WIN MAG and has that slick polymer stock … that’s the last thing you see …

You THINK that SUV is gonna SAVE YOU?

You and your family are huddled in some WINNEBAGO being driven by William Shatner, chased across the desert by warlocks and witches and Satanists and KELMO-DOOGS. And they ride hard with their feisty gaze and seek to set fire to your bitches and your blow. What? You think your off road vehicle is gonna help you now? You gonna “put her in low” and power up that hill up yonder? What the fuck dude … YOU ARE DOOMED … YOU DOOMED YOUR FAMILY … all for your SUV …

You think that pilot’s license is enough?

You think people will just be LINED UP or FORMED UP in squares and phalanxes and various impostures of cubes and pyramids and triangles?

You think people will be formed up into trapezoids? DO YOU? LIKE YOU’RE MOTHER FUCKING GENERAL SHERMAN MARCHING ON TOKYO!?!

You gonna load up your CESSNA with molotov cocktails and cigarette booty?

You gonna ride down them FEDS with your propeller driven demon, you painted it woodland loam for some reason, but it won’t matter when the USMC pulse cannon takes you out of the SKY!

You really think that AR-15 is gonna do ANYTHING?

When those BLUE BLOOD PURPLE HAIRS come with their TECH and TANKS and PREDATOR drones to shove a hellfire up yer butt and watch your neighborhood glow WHITE HOT with phosphorous bombs and belly shaped dream winkles … what ya gonna do?

You think this will be like the last time …

This time they’ll have CAPTAIN AVATAR and his WAVE MOTION GUN and you won’t be able to resist the GREAT POWER of the STAR FORCE as they shove the ARGO in your fat face …

(you feel me)