Category: Grifter

I’ve got this new CASH program …

It’s called SEA-FLOW.

It’s not your standard 4-token crypto-investment plan, it has layers of complex dis-intermediation and reverse vampire Kung Fu grip. You can’t take it on an airplane, but you’ll open your third eye when the SKY FLAG waves high. It’s SEA-FLOW.

Here’s how it’s gonna work baby …

You recruit ten people or more into SEA-FLOW. If you tell me you CAN’T recruit at least TEN people into SEA-FLOW, then we’ll have a difficult conversation. I’ll probably pick you up in my BLACK FORD ECONOLINE VAN to “go have coffee” … the VAN with the back door welded shut, and there’s no windows … and the side door INSIDE handle don’t work … and there’s a metal grate between me and the passenger. Ask me what happens if you don’t recruit 10 people into SEA-FLOW.

Once you have your AT LEAST 10 people, working for you … each of them pays you, monthly, ten dollars … that’s like NOTHING … a couple gallons of gas baby. YOU pay me, for those 10, and for each multiple after? – 8 for every 10 dollars, or 80 dollars per 100 – but you get to keep $20 a month … and that’s huge. You see. Each of your recruits will also be making money off of recruits – and everyone knows the rule (push it UP and take a small cut). Bottom line, I get 80% of the pie, and you need to get your recruits recruiting. Will there be “nutrient drinks” we sell? – FUCK YEAH … SEA-FLOW PROTEIN …

Key learning point: SEA-FLOW money doesn’t ADD UP, IT FLOWS UP … up to me.

Let’s talk about SEA-FLOW PROTEIN …

When you’re selling SEA-FLOW LIFESTYLE BRAND IMAGE to your recruits, you need to have a compelling fucking story. And this is the story of Dr. Brandy Windross of the Bocheevian Institute of Oils of Chile. One day, while scavenging in her bikini outfit, covered in oils, her boobs and boovula unjoolating as she scampered over those stony beach outcroppings … one day while doing this, she came across SEA-FLOW.

SEA-FLOW PROTEIN isn’t even called that …

It’s called FLOWTEIN …

SEA-FLOW is PACKED with FLOWTEIN.

“Doc Brandy”, as her friends call her at the strip club, had been researching rejuvenating juices and concoctions that can be rubbed on one’s boobs while running an Only Fans account. That day she found SEA-FLOW, it was just a little precious thing, a globule of living tissue and scroglon-flesh. Doc Brandy took that little thingy home, and subjected it to electricity and x-rays and alpha/beta radiation … damnable little thingy. But that chunk of munctous did not die … and that’s when she discovered SEA-FLOW.

Her scientological mind broke down the various amino acids and skeb-molecules and metal shavings and moss. She formatted her life-disk array and started Crispr’ing away. The day turned dark, and the clouds came a running, and out of the sky LIGHTNING, THUNDER. SEA-FLOW was born of such, and a fair amount of weirdness.

Now, you can elaborate on this story based on your audience – BUT DON’T EVER GET TOO FUCKING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT IS IN SEA-FLOW … could just be pulverized Japanese seaweed wrappers … we don’t know, you’d have to ask Brandy.

The SEA-FLOW LIFESTYLE is the THING …

You need to have a big digital file of attractive people, doing cool shit. Like some twenty something brunette, getting out of her LIMO and the paparazzi get a NIB-SLIP pic – but everyone smiles and goes to Tahiti. The pics are of people in good shape – physically. Your recruits will probably not be that physically attractive … BUT … everyone can benefit from a SEA-FLOW FACIAL and MAKEOVER.

Some SEA-FLOW recruits will be quite comely, and those between the age of 25 and 35 should be sent MY WAY, up the mountain to see old Mr Pizzle-Witz … and that’s how they will become SEA-FLOW ADMIRALS in the SEA-FLOW SEA-ORG.

Yes – other multi-level schemes have had “SEA-ORGS”, but no one OWNS billion year contracts … it’s just, well …. no one could conceivably honor a billion year contract … fucker.

Our SEA-ORG contracts are for just 1,000 years … and we have the tech to keep your brain, alive, in a jar, running a robot, that makes wallets. You’ll do that after you go through body-death, and transition to your SEA-ORG LIFESTYLE BRAND. Don’t you see how this is already changing your life mother fucker?

We’ll have the DOUGIST INSTITUTE in RENO, where I live on the 30th floor of our custom CASINO STYLE WORSHIP CENTER … dedicated to SEA-FLOW.

I’ll live up there, at the top of the SEA-FLOW CENTER, fingernails and toenails long and snarled … walking about in dirty underwear, but no other clothes … hair grown out to an unruly length. Storing my urine in jars. SEA-FLOW living …

SEA-FLOW will have 47 levels of totalistic self-creational-moto-planes. Plane ZERO squeebs are the first level mendicants, they snivel and trap woggo-flies and prepare meat pies for the level 1 cat-gerders.

We have a SEA-FLOW LAB in almost every major city …

At the LAB you can have your aura checked with our energy-work scanner. We also attach the line from a field phone to your privates and we ask you questions … it’s not very comfortable. We call it “evaluating”. Everyone gets evaluated at SEA-FLOW.

If you stay in guy, get those recruits, get them paying? – eventually you get to look at the “glowing chest”. And in that chest are documents and drawings, etchings on stone and steel. It’s a real treat to learn the mythology BEHIND it all … I mean EVERYTHING.

There was once a DARK LORD named ZECTOR …

ZECTOR ruled the 55 SECTORS of the HOWLING TIME – the time when much of the universe howled, no one knows why.

ZECTOR was BIG into FRENCHIES … French bulldogs. He bred them and harvested them for the dungool factories. So many little frenchies went INTO the “Rod Steiger” machine.

No one wanted to buy ZECTOR’s dogs or his stew meat that he sold, in can’s that had Rod Steiger’s face on them …. so Zector grew angry. He ordered his galactic air force to load up the galactic space cruisers with all these jerks, they looked very much like Boeing 737s, and have them frozen and then dropped into volcanoes …

But we’ll be okay, cuz the CASH FLOWS UP …

SEA-FLOW

But …

If you want to surTHRIVE what’s coming?

FLOTEIN GINGOUS-ROOT BULL TESTICLE BEE POLLEN CONCENTRATE …

(only 9000 dollars a pound)

(pennies a day)

A lot of SEA-FLOW customers start with the $200/bottle of FLOWTEIN-9 FORMULA … but others are more ready to take on the joy-hancement and adventure of FLOWTHRAX-MILLED PEAT JUICE for $2,000 a carton … and it’s really just about your comfort level …

“I kept hearing about SEA-FLOW, but then I WAS PART OF it … and my wife left me … but I feel great.” – Actual Sea-Flow Client

SEA-FLOW associates make, on average, $4,000,000 a MONTH … ON AVERAGE!

SEA-FLOW regional VPs get VIP access status at the various GOOB clubs in NYC.

You can take your girl OUT … to the ZOO … show her a good time …

You can meet BIG TIME SHIT HEADS at the SEA-FLOW Celebrity Center …

Hangout with Ron Davolta or Thom Cooz …