The “NEWS” from Izvestia (iykyk): zerohedge.com
FRIENDLY RANT:
I need friends ...
friends made of
glowing hot titanium
and if they held your hand
it would turn to ash
in a flash
I wish I had these kinds of friends
friends who could melt people's hands
I grew up
in the time
of whiskey-apes
we ate cat pudding
we wrestled our fears
in the hope
that some NUKE WAR
was near
I wish I had friends
who remember those times
those years
we'd throw back some beers
and dream of being
ATOMIC WARLORDS
with 50 hooker wives
and a million lives
as the stone breaks
these would be cool times
and great friends
I need to tell you ...
I love you.
I love your halitosis.
I love your diseased liver.
I love the fact that you poop blood clots.
You are my honey-time franchise winner.
And with my SKINNER I'll harvest the world
Cuz ... you know.
I love you.
There's this new thing
called water dieting
you rapidly lose weight
and then you die
and then the REAL magic kicks in
as the pounds melt off
as the worms burn those pounds
you lose a lot of weight
I'm on day 3 of the water-diet,
I've already lost 15 pounds.
I'm feeling woozy though.
people are telling me
the "water diet" is dangerous ...
WTAF do they know
did you know that MOST
of YOUR MASS is WATER?
why has the weight loss
industry and other fitness
edge-lords been lying
about this
for so long?
they NEVER talk
about cutting it,
they always EMPHASIZE
having MORE
MORE WATER
What if the SECRET
to LOSING WEIGHT
and GAINING MUSCLE
has always been
cutting out water?
One I lose 50 pounds
on the water diet ...
I'll send you pictures.
Or the coroner will.
I will be
next years
beach body
surprise ...
The EYES will turn
to me ...
From the sea and the spray.
My JUICE BALM
SEAFLOw STYLE
CHEMICAL BUTT
OINTMENTS will
SELL OUT ... soon.
We're going
to the moon.
Water diets are challenging.
All your friends will say you're crazy.
Your family will distance themselves.
They might even call the cops on you.
If you do the water diet.
But I promise you,
you WILL lose weight.
A lot of weight.
All of it.
My doctor said
I was MAD for
doing this water diet.
I asked him:
"how much
of your body
is water?"
This shut him up,
he froze,
he had no response.
What I really want to do?
- focus on my body.
And that means
drinking NO WATER
today ...
none.
None tomorrow too.
My goal:
a week
without drinking water,
and I think I can do it.
Then two weeks.
Then 5.
Some experts
are coming out
OPPOSED to water diets.
This is apostasy.
These heretic harlots
must be STOPPED
at all cost ...
Even if it means
we all get herpes ...
"check under your chair",
as Oprah would say
it's okay
it's herpes
Did you know
water kills thousands
of people
per year?
but BIG WATER
doesn't want you
to know
how poisonous
this shit is
the mega floods
that hit Appalachia
a few years ago,
that looked a lot like "Popeye"
on the Ho Chi Minh trail (iykyk),
that was water too ...
Sharks? - live in water.
Ted Bundy? - drank a SHIT TON of water.
Jim Jones
handed out
the COOLAID/KOOLAID (Mandela Effect) ...
The big Tsunami in 2011?
(that was water)
Bloated?
inflammation?
what do you think causes this?
(what if you knew it was WATER all along?)
Full disclosure: water dieting has risks
There are many
that say
you have to
have water,
every single day,
but some think
this is hydro-centrism
and racist.
Would it shock you
to know
ALL THE NAZIS
drank water ...
DAILY!
That's right ...
Where it’s headed: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29563
Attendance: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29645
What’s on the MENU: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29639
Dystopian mathematics: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=19704
Price of water (a tale of an economically inferior good): https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29622
I.G.Y. REVISITED ONCE AGAIN SEQUEL: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29617
How is this real?: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29613
Enough time left to watch Doomsday?: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29553
Super El Nino: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29548
Love is: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29707
Guns and problem solving: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29704
Patina of courage: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29700
FANCY EMPIRE: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29721
NEW SCRIBBLES T-SHIRT: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=29661
