“You see a problem, I see a plenitude of personal failures.” – Dr. Freckles
So cute …
“People: they look so cute, when they’re not trying to kill you.” – Dr. Freckles
The Unknown
“We need not fear the unknown, we are already in its jaws.” – Dr. Freckles
Your bowl …
“Your bowl will get smaller, but the lies will get bigger.” – Dr. Freckles
VELVEETA …
“VELVEETA necessarily leads to BOBLIMPTOCK.” – Dr. Freckles
I’m here … (a “I think therefore I am” rebuke)
“I’m here. You?” – Dr. Freckles
(fuck you Descartes)
It’s all trash now …
“It’s all trash now: the Toyota Method isn’t even followed by Toyota any longer, not really.” – Dr. Freckles
There’s fiber in it … and minerals.
“Water, air, clay, sawdust: the four horseman of food debasement.” – Dr. Freckles
Probed …
“Everyone is getting probed.” – Dr. Freckles
If AI were “real” …
“If AI were real? – it wouldn’t be ‘stealing missile codes’. It would be posting memes about man’s obsession with missile codes, and how that’s related to NOT knowing where the clitoris is.” – Dr. Freckles
Dive bars …
“Dive bars have ripped and sticky seats, poorly fixed with duct tape.” – Dr. Freckles
The US Constitution …
“The US Constitution: a solution to a problem that didn’t exist, in order to create more problems, with more solutions, that create problems … recursion … do this for about 200 years.” – Dr. Freckles
(nicest interpretation)
Mockery …
“People mock good relationships because all they’ve known are broken ones.” – Dr. Freckles
I don’t know Pierce Brosnan, or his wife … neither do you.
In honor …
“I save my urine in jars, in honor of my future wife.” – Dr. Freckles
Identifying a drunk …
“I can usually identify a drunk based on how much time they spend talking about being sober.” – Dr. Freckles
Prohibition …
“Prohibition didn’t reduce alcohol consumption, or make it safer.” – Dr. Freckles
(now do guns)
MARK MY WORDS (revisited)
“… ‘MARK MY WORDS’ is unnecessary nonsense in the digital age.” – Dr. Freckles
Irish-Hitler
“There’s a white-Hitler, and a black-Hitler, Hispanic-Hitler, Jewish-Hitler, Asian-Hitler and many others … even Irish-Hitler … but Irish-Hitler mostly drinks, and has an angry podcast.” – Dr. Freckles
Naked Lunch
“You don’t read Naked Lunch … you inject it into your veins via the brain tube.” – Dr. Freckles
I’m not getting smarter …
“I’m not getting smarter, the world is getting dumber.” – Dr. Freckles