“I’m beginning to think that storing urine in jars was another way Howard Hughes was ahead of his time.” – Dr. Freckles
I heard you last night …
I heard you, my pussy willow … I heard you last night.
I heard you last night, in your bedtime sweat …
You got home late from work, and turned on the “personal massager” …
You thought about our time in Splunkton, and how I ungudoolated your boovula …
I heard YOU harlot woman …
When you spoke your sour words into the phone and broke my heart into pieces …
I heard you when you got that restraining order, and I sort of didn’t hear you … you know what I mean?
But I stay there, in the woods by the river, not far from where you live baby … and I’m waiting.
Waiting for love.
J6 was an IQ test …
“J6 was an IQ test, if you attended? – you failed.” – Dr. Freckles
If I had an onlyfans account …
If I had an ONLYFANS account?
It would be some fetish site, exhibiting an overweight dude, in his 50’s, eating chili raw from a can, in his underwear, in the darkness of a cold camper.
(and that’s just every night for me)
If I had an OnlyFans account?
I’d wear snuggle-bunny diapers, and have some kind of fucking plastic pacifier in my mouth … as I slobbered over German chocolate cake – and read Nietzsche …
If I had one of those accounts …
I’d shake my booty, for the looty …
If I had an OnlyFans account …
I’d trick old “Wharf Sarah” into being in some “movies”. She’s 70 and has been tricking for decades … our thing? – the “double Santino Oklahoma style” …
It involves 300 feet of abrasive rope, a diesel generator, four long fluorescent bulbs.
don’t do the “double Santino” on a first date
a “single Santino”? – maybe, if you have an emergency defib kit
Having a military …
“No government could afford a military if they were forced to pay for their mistakes AND keep their promises to those who served.” – Dr. Freckles
When YOUR GUY wins …
“Voting magically WORKS, when it’s YOUR GUY – funny.” – Dr. Freckles
Florida …
“Florida is going to make Beirut look like Aspen.” – Dr. Freckles
We will devolve into what future creatures will call “sofa apes” … they will analyze the grease deposits we left in the polyurethane fluff from farting …
“shitty sofa apes” – is what the dog-race will say.
Argentina …
Nothing about the “anti-banker Libertarian wins in Argentina” story seems legit to me – it’s too cartoonish. Plus – the guy seems to have a hardon for Israel …
And then there’s that story from the Army years ago …
But I really don’t want to be talking about this.
Worshiping Science
“The actual scientific method is USEFUL … Worshiping science, or its necessarily temporary truths, is crazy.” – Dr. Freckles
Princess Leia’s “you’re my only hope” bullshit …
“Gandalf was a traveling grifter, Princess Leia sent out PHISHING TRAPS and SPAM: which one was worse?” – Dr. Freckles
I’m sure a LOT of old drunk Jedi got Princess Leia’s “you’re my only hope” form letter …
(a lot of them pressed delete immediately)
(press DELETE BILBO – blow that grifter mother fucker away!)