Category: Planetary Status Reports

By the YEAR 2028, “butt scorpions” will become the new genital crabs …

By the YEAR 2133, all adult females will be registered as “sandwich makers” … now go in the fucking kitchen and make me a sandwich!

By the year 2043, 14 sector lords will be declared HAG-WARDENS and given authority to track down and destroy all break dancers … all of them must be wiped out.

By the YEAR 2029, the forlorn rustlers will meet up with the lesbian sky navies and form the ultimate coalition of sexy results …

By the YEAR 2037, Joe Rogan will be replaced with ROBO-ROGAN. Joe will be stripped of all wealth and will live out his days sorting peanuts from fecal matter for lower tier human consumption … with the rest of filth in QUADRANT-BETA …

By the year 2087, lots of people are being impregnated …

(with spores)

(here is a short and not complete or authoritative list)

1961 – “Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea” – Walter Pigeon as “Admiral Blow Up the Van Allen Belt”

Who wants to bang BARBARA EDEN?

1972 – “Poseidon Adventure” – Gene Hackman as the “Lost Preacher” or Ernest Borgnine as “The Good Cop that married a hooker”

1974 – “Towering Inferno” – Steve McQueen as “angry firefighter chief” or William Holden as “the scum bag contractor”

1978 – “The Swarm” – Michael Caine as “Doctor Smarty Pants”

1979 – “Beyond the Poseidon Adventure” – Telly Savalas as “Captain Creepy”

1980 – “When time ran out” – Paul Newman as “Hero Oil Rig dude”

(banging Jacqueline Bisset …)

I keep hoping that I get stuck there, when I’m away – some place different, better. A shelter deep inside my mind, where no one can find the dreams I’ve hidden.

It would be so graceful just to die there, be stranded in my whimsy.