Link: https://nypost.com/2023/10/24/lifestyle/i-asked-my-co-worker-if-i-could-drink-her-breastmilk
Jedi have an STD …
“If you hate the Jedi? – WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM!” – Dr. Freckles
One of the big revelations of the STAR WARS mythos post the original films:
That being a Jedi is basically contracting an STD, like herpes.
The strangeness …
“I love the strangeness, even when it cuts deep.” – Dr. Freckles
CREED
I have many neuro-linguistic, lesser magic tools … one is “CREED” …
I’ll go to a bar, and if the waitress asks if I like the music? – I ask for CREED.
(my generation’s “Catcher in the Rye” crazy signal)
- party staring trick
- making up words
- penis surgery pics
and so many more
Finding time travelers …
“If you find a time traveler, kill them.” – Dr. Freckles
Heading towards the “light” …
“If I’m ever heading towards the ‘light’, I wanna keep going.” – Dr. Freckles
Mandela Effect …
The “Mandela Effect” is waste energy from the overlapping time wars.
The dilated now stretches back to 1900 …
(and much is unresolved)
(the cat is both alive and dead)
Suffering … and the MOON
“If we destroy the MOON, we liberate mankind from its suffering.” – Dr. Freckles
Glad I met you …
“I’m always saying ‘glad I met you’ to someone I’m not glad I met.” – Catcher in the Rye
A “TRADING PLACES”
“I bet crooked rich banker shit head people do a ‘Trading Places’ all the fucking time.” – Dr. Freckles
But in the real world? – Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy end up dissolving in acid, in barrels, in the Pine Barrens …
Dwindle LONG square root of (x) …
“ROOT(X) – grow fast, dwindle long.” – Dr. Freckles
POWER SEX LOVE ENERGY
The overlapping time wars …
“The overlapping time wars are not meant to be won, they are meant to be AWESOME!” – Dr. Freckles
A million dollars …
If I had a million dollars?
With inflation?
I would do one woman at the same time.
It’s GONE …
- laptop with my first chapter of Big Foot War 1 … sucks
- my backup drive was eaten by the WINDOWS OS on my work computer, fuck …
- my blogs from GO DADDY, finally destroyed by them, indirectly, their shitty GO DADDY ENERGY …
- my woman left me for a BORG-KNIGHT, a lost one hooked on PCP … and you know me, I didn’t care … she gave me crabs.
- Boomer has probably forgotten me, I dunno … Boomer is cool.
- I was at the laundry and they had an AUTOWASH CAR WAS in addition to machines for cleaning your clothes … I thought that in BOBLIMPTOCK, these car washes could be converted into horrific torture chambers … and then I ponder snail meat pizza.
Fine …
“Fine is pretty good this year.” – Dr. Freckles
Colon screening …
“How do I screen my colon? – I sometimes look, majestically, and peer deeply at the stool I leave behind; looking for some oddity.” – Dr. Freckles
IDGAF
“IDGAF and feeling sorry for yourself are NOT the same thing, but they often share the same apartment.” – Dr. Freckles
If I were okay …
“If I were okay I wouldn’t be here.” – Dr. Freckles
Next big thing …
I’m getting really interested in unicycles …
I have this feeling that the next BIG INVASION or ATTACK is going to come from strippers riding unicycles, naked … carrying glocks.
“STRIPPERS on CRACK on UNICYCLES!”
(call me Tarantino …)
(script writes itself in one weekend)
BTW: “The History of Successful Airborne Operations” is not a long read.
I’ve invented a super soldier …
– crack whore, former dancing nurse/BLM street organizer/drag queen story time host
– wearing armor made from US passport material
– masked up
– wielding a machine gun that fires box cutters
– riding a unicycle
– connected to a paraglider
– and she’s naked, with only a strap on
It’s like “men on the Moon” …
None of the ships that landed “men on the MOON” ever seemed like they could plausibly work.
But like “paragliders from Palestine”, the populace is mystified, stunned, staring gormlessly at their CNN or FOX NEWS, deluded and confused.
So “men on the MOON” works, and that’s okay.
HOLY FUCK …
a) load up a lunar lander with naked crack whore strippers, the armor on the lander is made of US passport material
b) once the lander LANDS, the hookers take off in paragliders, the hookers have a box-cutter firing swivel gun
c) near the ground, the hookers disengage from the glider and start riding unicycles
d) near the target, the unicycle converts into a pogostick dildo combo, and the hooker ride it using their boovula
e) the hookers are former BLM-DRAG-QUEEN-PUTIN-STORY-TIME-NURSES, that dance
f) everyone is stunned
g) no one could have seen this coming
Okay …
Run with this:
“ARMY OF DEAD BUT CYBERNETICALLY ENHANCED CATS”
(with rocket launchers)
(so “laser cats” doesn’t sue us)
Even more shocking than paragliders or unicycle hooker soldiers …