Category: Boblimptock

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Kendrick and Drake

I heard Kendrick made fun of Will Smith’s wife …

And then Will Smith met with Kanye about that THING between Ice Spice and Taylor …

But then all hell broke loose when ICE-T sent the OG crew after Drake and his poot-pounder militia …

I heard Lil Wayne stole Wheezy’s YOLK-MOLD and now half of Mogersville is filled with bangers from Dickton and Rentley and Stratford by Avon …

And after the last gun play? – the GHEY boys sold tootsie roll wrappers to the sky HOP demon with the gold teeth and the fuzzy hat …

But NAT VON BLONSTER stole the NIGHT, when EMINEM started vomiting up his soldier boy rum and the last of the HEBREW derelicts gave up the tunnel treasure for the Hester-Wives of Brooklyn.

And then DRAKE had something to say about it …

Kendrick says Drake “lost his mind” when he couldn’t find his pudding stash. And the eyelash sisters, who stand idlily by, haven’t got the JUICE to CUT IT LOOSE and shake their caboose for the CRIPPS from FRESNO. Bloods sing too, and the EAST COAST ATL rappers form up into their throngous-armies and weld a strong pipe of love scum and Nordic pig wrestling.

Sure, Drake says that Kendrick killed his moms, and that all the old gangstas are lost in Rancho Cucamonga … that said, the bed they made for HIP HOP glory is the oldest story of hookers and ICE and gats and knives … throwing stars and pillowcases filled with d-cell batteries. Everyone is getting ready for DRAKE’S NEXT THING …

Drake is complaining about anal rash.

There are signs that Kendrick may have poisoned his stew by selling goo to a girl named Lisa. Lisa used to date Snoop Dogg, but is now being hunted by the Peruvian police units for being too damn sexy.

After DRAKE finished recording his album: “TUFF”, he met with the donut hassle crew and fed them turnip wine. Kendrick showed up and they began wrestling each other, stroking each other off, and the whole assembly began to get sick.

And that’s when Will Smith showed up … Have you heard about that?

Will Smith was piloting a submarine for L Ron Hubbard’s SEA-ORG, when he found evidence of Drake’s bullshit.

Smith’s wife was diving, naked, digging for muggle-worms, when DRAKE slipped in FROM BEHIND … BOOM. And Will fired 8 torpedoes, but the cans told him too many THETANS are living in his hands, so the sand swallows him up and his wife and his submarine.

And that’s when Kendrick makes his play …

After SMITH and his SCIENTOLOGY friends were destroyed by the sands of time, Samuel L Jackson had some words with Kendrick.

Jackson and Kendrick were friends, back in the 1980’s. Jackson taught Kendrick the STREET THUG LIFE and the strife of a man’s war against prejudice and herpes. Jackson had been ordered by LL Cool J to bring PEACE to the Hip Hop world, but Jackson had a different mission, an uglier one …

Kendrick set up an ass-trap at his condo in Vegas, where Jackson tripped on a wire, and there was a fire, and half the Mormon Boy’s Choir played the lyre for Ted. And when the waters retreated, the band was seated, and Samuel L Jackson was dead.

Matt Damon got stuck, with Richard Gere, at the VEGAS HAMSTER FESTIVAL. Kendrick shows up and starts dissing Drake …

Richard and DRAKE go back to the fuselage parties in London in 1998 …

Drake made mud cake and sold a few to Richard, and then Matt Damon shows up and covers himself in coyote stool. Now Kendrick is saying that DRAKE has no gumption? – and Richard Gere is just busy pushing hamsters up his zone cave.

They say Drake is cruising all night now, looking for Kendrick. He goes out in his TOYOTA PRIUS and seeks the Jen-Kon power of Mao Mao Mike Tyson style fruit slurry. And Kendrick is going to Buddhist temples, finding karmic dust in his elbow magnet. His girl, Deeglah, spreads the word to the EAST SIDE HOOLIES … and there will be NO PEACE.

No peace between Kendrick and Drake.

No peace between the living and the dead.

No peace when Richard gets done, and the squirrel army of revenge shows up …

No peace.

Only Hip Hop.

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Testimonials … (SEA-FLOW)

It’s been a wild ride these last few days, so much excitement about SEA-FLOW and our various FLOTEIN power supplements.

One of the joys of being the CEO of SEA-FLOW is interacting with our SEA-FLOW lifestyle flo-stories …. A lot of folks are having their lives changed by SEA-FLOW FLOTEIN powders and juices.

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Dear Sea-Flow:

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Thanks SEA-FLOW!

Gabe

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Yours,

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GRINKEN TIME SALES …

On my ride into work today I saw a sign that read:

“METAL BARRELS, $55.99”, and of course I knew what they meant: barrels, 50-100 gal drums, for dumping bodies … everyone knows this.

But my next thought was, “FUCK, have the GRINKEN TIME SALES arrived?”

Cuz they could have meant bore-ready gun barrels, and they might even have a custom auto-lathe onsite for boring and rifling that damnable thing.

And it’s like “you saying I can walk out of there today with a fully bored/rifled 6 mm barrel for my NEW STYLE AR BUILD in honor of lost old calibers that no one gives a fuck about?”

And you say “Son, we’ll have it done in 30 minutes, or the next barrel is FREE …”

That’s what GRINKEN TIME SALES feels like … it’s Black Friday everyday, but not racist.

You can say “well Dan, I know about BLACK FRIDAY, but WTAF is a GRINKEN TIME SALE?”

Well I’ll tell ya …

We are currently in the AGE of BOBLIMPTOCK. This age began in early 2020, and ends in the 5th Year – we are currently in YEAR 5.

Boblimptock is followed by GRINKEN TIME, a time of LOVE and LUST, a time of GOLD and GRETCHEN the BAR WENCH … a time of rocket ship nightmares and stale cocaine whimsy. And during this time some pretty nasty shit is going to happen, sorry … check under your “Oprah Seat”, you’ll probably find something dangerous that wants to kill you … this is GRINKEN TIME, and it nears …

You can tell when the special sales start popping up … on bleach and knives, re-loader deals for klunget guns … prices? – they will suck … but you’ll buy … cuz GRINKEN TIME awaits, and the “prices” will be worse. So, in a sense, everything IS ON SALE just prior to GRINKEN TIME.

I can’t wait till TESSA’S LOAF STORE starts selling “short-yote” … it’s a kind of coyote that’s starting to breed with raccoons, but Tessa can’t call it a “coon” nothing without somebody thinking she’s racist. And then she has this purple/green sauce made of chestnut berries and scavenged puddle rice. It’s nice to sit down to a loaf in the morning, and work out where you’re gonna look for replacement parts in the wasteland … out near the dune sea.

During PRE-GRINKEN TIME SALES MANIA, Barnacle Bob’s usually has really good deals on quick lime and nitric acid. You can talk to him about the gumbo-sharks being pulled out from below the pier, and if anyone has gotten the “gribblies” yet from eating that infernal thing. He loves to chat about the tortoise migration from Mexico, and how there ain’t no more sand-fumes for making whiskey pie. He’ll be sure to serve warmed up brown drink, with some honey and lime. Bob always loves to greet customers, in the basement, when he’s working, during that pre-GRINKEN TIME festival of sales.

ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS of THIS GRINKEN TIME SALES period?

SEA-FLOW is issuing the SEACOIN … we DGAF if the name is already taken by some blockchain hooker somewhere. We will destroy all!

The SEACOIN will be backed by SEA-FLOW FLOWTEIN DRINKS and topical lotions and sex jells … this tracks with all kinds of post-scarcity bullshit.

THE SEACOIN will be bought, during GRINKEN TIME SALES, from a guy named Al … Albert … Albert McDizzywillow … And Al will take your gold and silver and ammo and guns and archery stuff and fishing equipment and storable food and water purification, and give YOU in RETURN a PRINTED CERTIFICATE with a custom QR CODE UNLOCKING #SEACOIN from SEA-FLOW … we will be long gone by the time you figure your shit out.

And you know that SEA-FLOW will have many deals, during the GRINKEN TIME SALES.

  • Colon Cleanse FLOWTEIN ASS rinse (one 1 oz of gold)
  • Cig-Throat Flowtein lozenges (5 ounces of silver)
  • Doogly style harpy juicers (10 pounds of venison)
  • Cat exorcism crystals and SEA-FLOW ritual book (2 dying hippos)

And so much more from SEA-FLOW.

GRINKEN TIME SALES will be your LAST TIME to take part in these ONE TIME DEALS:

  • meat that’s still cool from refrigeration
  • your heart pills from the pharmacy
  • electricity for your shit
  • clean water

So many deals … on SALE … RIGHT NOW … but GRINKEN TIME SALES? – LAF …

Nobody will forget them.

(ever)