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FIRE: Financially Independent Retire Early

FIRE:

Do you dream of HELI-SKIING your way down some EURO-TRASH mountain scape, not far from St. Durgley’s, where you met your hooker wife?

Do you hope you can afford to send your kids to that SCHOOL one day where they’ll teach those little fuckers how to hate you? Hate everything about you?

Are you looking at those really cool YACHT websites? The ones that talk about 60+ foot long ocean going all aluminum boats that can power their way to sunsets and fun and adventure? Maybe you’ll find a new lover on those 7 seas, to replace your spiv-wife at home. Maybe you’ll write that maritime novel you’ve been dreaming of, about submarines hunting for Conan’s lost gold … sell it to Marvel probably …

There are a LOT of EZ-MONEY programs that promise HUGE returns, but how many pay off? – virtually ZERO. Our program from SEA-FLOW allows you to define retirement in easy to achieve LIFE-BUCKETS:

LIFE-BUCKET 0: Do you know where your wife is?

LIFE-BUCKET 1: Do you think she’s having sex with Barry?

LIFE-BUCKET 2: How many times does she have to go to spin class?

LIFE-BUCKET 3: Maybe I’ll surprise them at that spa in Van Couver?

LIFE-BUCKET 4: I think WALMART still sells guns …

You see how this works?

Of course, most think the NEW AMERICAN DREAM is dying in your sleep – literally, figuratively, writ large, think about it. But at SEA-FLOW we don’t stop because Taco Time is selling “pork especial” now, and nobody asks what’s so fucking special … and nobody says nothing about the fingernail they found, the one with nail polish still on it. It’s the new American Dream, and that’s ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW …

I knew this guy, CHAD.

Chad wanted to start an old-style Panda Express, like the old ones, back in the 1970’s, when chain restaurants could still be kinda racist …

He knew it would take cash to find and raise and harvest panda – what the HELL did Chad know about panda? – but Chad was disciplined, and put his money into a SEA-FLOW FAST RETIREMENT ACCOUNT …

Now CHAD is selling general Tso’s panda to the rubes in Splunkton, and he’s just another glowing example of what’s possible using our program.

OUR SEA-FLOW FAST RETIREMENT ACCOUNT is powered by BITCOIN.

We have 5 level-VPN-LASER locked server farms in Hong Kong cranking out coinages day and NIGHT. Our accounts contain investments in South African REITs and Argentinian Century Bonds. We’ve diversified into MOON BONDS, 10,000 YEAR GALAXY BONDS and various start-ups like QUANTUM DATING.

We have an ethereum contract structure using stardard DSC-448 type code flanks. Our gindous-ruul markers set the flame tolerance for outer and inner sales and misfortune.

Our underground VAMPIRE TONTINE AGREEMENTS allow our CLUB … cuz it is a nice club, and YOU’LL BE A MEMBER ….

Our vampire tontines will allow you and your wife and your 53 kids to visit one of our POWER CLUBS, where you’ll get to drink baby blood and have sex with warb-freaks and rub SKUUL OIL on your flesh rod.

You won’t believe your eyes when your WIFE comes home with Edgar the Frenchie trainer, and you can tell they’ve been playing “Old Miss Splimsly” under the bridge, cuz you can smell boovula sauce on HIS breath … well … at least you’re retired early.

Your kids will THANK YOU, as they get addicted to TRANQ at the Fentanyl Skate Park, and your eyes catch the glimmer of a metal bat as your face gets bashed in and your hope-farm gets buried under a landslide of FAIL-SCHEMES.

That’s how you retire early …

That’s how you get your revenge.

But you can’t WAIT for the next TOR-GULLEY EMO HAG TRAP …

There are skunk women, laying in wait, out there beyond the SECTOR WALLS where the squirrel nuggets are sold by the pound, and the kids dig for whisker-eggs all day.

You can save up your money and find that place of bliss, if the Florida Woman is willing to lead you down the storm drain.

A chance encounter at CHASE BANK led you to the CD banquet bar behind the safe. Crystal Tibbons is running the GORD MAGNET, as the RETIREMENT OFFICER sifts through Jerry’s underwear stash, from WALMART. Your WIVES prepare a lunch time buffet of slick-grease seed-oil chicken muggots and tryb-sausage from Carol’s donut palace.

FIRE is the way through.

Drunk teachers: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12313

Dreams: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12275

Free Market of Money: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12281

Soup lines: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12207

Ukraine War: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12307

Dogs: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12310

Bad Ideas Rule: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12317

Communists hate anarchists the most: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12320