Mr. Crab apple lives in the woods, never up to anything good. He streaks at night, in the glimmer of the Moon, and nigh too soon the sun rises to mock his banditry.
Playing pretend …
“Everyone gets to play pretend, when the show is at its end.” – Dr. Freckles
Noodle, noodle, yankee doodle …
I was at the WALMART, and this dude, in some sort of hypno state, was muttering:
“noodle, noodle,
yankee doodle,
drop that bomb,
on Old Saddam”
It sounded like it, truly he was at ramming speed with his shopping cart and I just got out of his insane way and didn’t take notes.
But folks: it’s getting crazier out there
The dude at WALMART …
He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad … he was crazy.
Painting logs black …
“You paint logs black when you ain’t got no real cannon.” – Dr. Freckles
The last one …
“If some advertiser tells me this is the ‘last one I’ll ever need to buy’, they’re either lying or their product sucks and no one buys another.” – Dr. Freckles
MARK MY WORDS!
“The only people who should be allowed to say ‘mark my words’ are villains, in Scooby-Doo episodes.” – Dr. Freckles
Famous Thoreau quote …
This is a reworking of a famous Thoreau quote:
“You keep voting, I’ll keep drinking – let’s see who stays sober the longest.” – Dr. Freckles
Thoreau: “I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion. Let us see who is the strongest.”
A great song …
“A great song is one you feel as if you heard it before, even if it is really the first time. Because it tells the story of life.” – Dr. Freckles
I need a woman …
A woman of iron and brass …
A woman of knives and glass …
A woman made of tissue and chess …
She might be named Bess.
Not some lukewarm velveteen,
but a woman that shakes her fist at God, with passion.
She’s okay with pizza, but doesn’t want you to hear her fart.
She walks with pride,
a sexy stride,
and if she lies about her former lovers? – she does so to protect your pride.
I need a woman that can outshoot me,
and out love me.
Her body is shaped like some beautiful ocean,
islands and eddies …
Shoreline from the mountains of her busty-ness,
to the hidden valley ranch.
I want the cave-girl vibes,
with a job that pays …
I want to take care of her,
but she doesn’t need it.
She’ll build a cabin, just for us …
We’ll grow crops and harvest the beast …
Our love will run deep.
She won’t sell her juice for yeast.
SHE will be demure,
but with fists to match her passion.
She will be dignified,
with a .357 for any man that tries to TAKE from her.
She will be smart, but not a showoff …
And when she sees pain, she’ll be the healer.
I need a woman who knows the Lord in Heaven rules,
but she’s not afraid to be my whimsical lover.
I want a woman who is NOT afraid to be slutty,
in private,
when the doors are closed.
I need a woman who is NOT afraid to be fierce,
in public, in the wilderness,
where the monster lurk.
I need a woman who will wear jeans and boots,
and stand watch on the tower,
and wear a flower,
for love.
Charlie …
“I’m not alpha or beta, that’s some bullshit. I’m charlie.” – Dr. Freckles
(your woman may “love” you … but I’m the dude coming through the side door, dropping a load in her skleevous …)
Truth or Whiskey …
“You can have truth or whiskey or both.” – Dr. Freckles
All the Martian invaders …
“Have the Israelis killed all the Martian invaders yet?” – Dr. Freckles
Empire …
A simple process for douches who want to steal shit:
- find a country that has shit you want
- install shit head as LEADER
- let it boil for 5 to 10 years
- Declare shit head “evil” and invade
(rinse and repeat)
Felons by lunchtime …
“Most of us are felons by lunchtime, we just don’t always know which laws we broke.” – Dr. Freckles
HOBLIMPTOCK
“I’ve talked about BOBLIMPTOCK, but not HOBLIMPTOCK.” – Dr. Freckles
The family …
“Once the government has captured the family, they have captured the nation.” – Dr. Freckles
Asking for wisdom …
“Asking for wisdom from God is like asking for infinite pain, and infinite joy – but remember, there’s pain.” – Dr. Freckles
A free country …
“A free country is a hornets nest, or a BIG hug, to other nations – choose wisely with free countries.” – Dr. Freckles
IT at work …
The IT software / firewall at work classifies my blog, this blog, as porn …
If it is porn? – it’s a strange porn.
A porn for strangers …
A table set for strangers to feel less alone.
People like me …
“When people like me stop getting cancelled? – you should probably get worried.” – Dr. Freckles