Category: Dr. Freckles

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20230823_Doctor_Freckles_Story.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

Who is Dr. Freckles:

1. Born in an alley, near Wall Street, on the day of the FLASH CRASH. He burst out of a dumpster like a comet. As FAT FINGER TONY presses the scrog button.
2. He wandered the lands for several years, looking for hookers, looking for beer.
3. He spent time on MarketWatch.com in 2012 while working as a software tester for DIGGLIES STUFF EMPORIUM … they had pink noise that would rot your brain, they had the despair of company man living … Dr. Freckles worked there, in Issaquah, for a while.
4. He ran for President in 2012, and the ninth core realm was formed which would later become CHOP-CHAZ in 2020 … which was ruled over by LORD RAZ.
5. He was sector general during the first juggalo war. He tore the insane clown posse a new hole, and they smoked a bowl, and made peace.
6. One day in 2015 Freckles woke up and said: “the milk smells bad” … and he sent a letter to his friends, saying “it’s not the end”, but don’t pretend: in about 5 years shit is going to start hitting the fan … and the hobo … cuz people throw stuff at hobos.
7. He ran for office in 2016 and he told you, on a poster, that TRUMP IS THIS YEAR’S OBAMA … and what did you say? After you left me dead in that ditch.
8. He formed D.F.G.T.C in 2016, and the next hooker republic was founded.
9. In 2017, he formed he first ENFORCER SQUAD ZETA … and took on the crime lords of S’compton.
10. He remembers the time of sassafras pancakes at McDonald’s old style whale lard
11. “Success is just one failure away.” – Dr. Freckles used to say, when the rain fell down, and the alleys got busy.
12. When the monkey herpes came, he went insane, did cocaine … all is well in BOBLIMPTOCK.
13. He is the SECTOR GUARD.
14. He is the quandary stird, with hair on fire.
15. He makes money selling protein the the scord demons in grid-77.
16. “You can’t be too fast for bad habits.” – Dr. Freckles … he had addiction to YORG-SYRUP
17. During the age of the Monkey Herpes, Freckles hid in sector-990BRAVO, also known as Little Saigon
18. In the age of peace D.r. Freckles sojourned with kind folk in a small town and broke his arm and made friends with a dog named Boomer … and then Utah was gone.
19. He wandered into Squim and went into a store … got himself a six pack and cigs and more … he bought his shit from a Sikh named Dirg, he had a short word “should should have asked for the plastic bag before … ” and Freckles was like “I’m sorry I don’t live on planet bullshit” … and Dr. Freckles moved on.
20. “The toilet is where shit belongs.” – screamed to Freckles in the night … he looked around and new the GREAT FLUSH was coming … find a crusty on the side and hold on.
21. “Stuff is not shielded as much as people think stuff is.” – Dr. Freckles
22. WALMART and the demons …. the coffee filter wearers

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20230822_KITCHEN_DICK.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

KITCHEN-DICK:

1. It’s a road out here by Dungeness Spit, near Sequim – read “SQUIM”? – am I right?
2. A lot of roads around Dungeness Spit are named after porn stars, porn stars that arrived here with Peter Puget (also kind of phallic) hundreds of eons ago.
3. One of Peter’s crew members predicted, it is loosely said, that “After the Age of Boblimptock comes the Age of Thresa, when everyone will eat turtle pudding, and eyes of drunken hawks.”
4. I was at the McDonald’s using there WiFi, and I stepped into the bathroom. As I left an old due on an EZ-RIDER electric scooter came for me, heading right at me, but at the last minute he turned towards his table, giving me another day of life.
5. Our campsite is near the trail that access the bluffs … people come by that spot and see me smoking my cig … I got no porch … but I could be a kitchen-dick …
6. At the gas station, gassing up my brother’s truck, the attendant said – “would you like lies with that” … we smiled … we’re keeping an eye out for her.
7. We went to a THAI-GERMAN-FUSION restaurant called Uncle Grayley’s … it was poorly lit and covered in spit … a woman named Debbie brought us our food … we slopped it up on a wobbly table as strange folk entered the establishment. A guy named Rich sat down behind us and started telling us stories of Gypsy rockets landing near Mt. Olympus. He said: “up in those hills the wookie people wait, harvesting eel-skins for their big foot gliders. They’ll come riding down from the mountain tops, like the thunderbird of old, with burning eyes and seething loins … they haven’t kicked off their WAR yet … but you better bet they will.” My brother got italian style fried yogurt and I ate twice chewed pork.
8. Derek the crab master, scraping from the bottom what protein he can find.
9. Jenna, the skeev-maiden, milking squirrels to make a dime, and she’s covered in the patina of dirg-flesh and burnt skin and a furrowed brow.
10. We got back to the campsite and we couldn’t have a fire … fire danger or dark age, you be the judge.

“Where there’s smoke, there’s a hobo.” – Dr. Freckles

“One door closes, another one gets slammed in your face.” – Dr. Freckles

“As you look to the past, you see the future.” – Dr. Freckles

“Your life does NOT need a laugh track, just look around buddy.” – Dr. Freckles

“Things that are risky today, will be dangerous tomorrow, and deadly by next week.” – Dr. Freckles