“You do realize you’re NOT anti-central bank if you want your nation to use US dollars?” – Dr. Freckles
(also: not a NEW strategy for South America or Argentina)
Where did FETTERMAN come from?
Where did Fetterman really come from?
(he looks like he came from some crooked bio-splicing lab)
It makes me think of Lennie from Of Mice and Men …
I’m working on a sequel/fan-fic to Mice and Men …
“Of Mice and Men 2: Lennie’s Bloodlust” …
The premise …
Lennie IS NOT dead … the gun George used was old and had bad ammo … and Lennie’s head was thick, so he was knocked into a deep coma …
But Lennie comes out of the coma, and seeks revenge on Curley and his wife and Slim and George …
“Lennie” is like government …
(it means well, maybe)
(but it WILL crush your dreams, like a mouse in Lennie’s hands)
I don’t know the REAL ORIGIN STORY of Solomon Grundy – but LENNIE’S STORY would be LIT.
Be like: Marvel calls me …
I like: sure, give me a million.
It’s a movie in 2 years … or less.
It do.
Storing your urine in jars …
“I’m beginning to think that storing urine in jars was another way Howard Hughes was ahead of his time.” – Dr. Freckles
I heard you last night …
I heard you, my pussy willow … I heard you last night.
I heard you last night, in your bedtime sweat …
You got home late from work, and turned on the “personal massager” …
You thought about our time in Splunkton, and how I ungudoolated your boovula …
I heard YOU harlot woman …
When you spoke your sour words into the phone and broke my heart into pieces …
I heard you when you got that restraining order, and I sort of didn’t hear you … you know what I mean?
But I stay there, in the woods by the river, not far from where you live baby … and I’m waiting.
Waiting for love.
J6 was an IQ test …
“J6 was an IQ test, if you attended? – you failed.” – Dr. Freckles
If I had an onlyfans account …
If I had an ONLYFANS account?
It would be some fetish site, exhibiting an overweight dude, in his 50’s, eating chili raw from a can, in his underwear, in the darkness of a cold camper.
(and that’s just every night for me)
If I had an OnlyFans account?
I’d wear snuggle-bunny diapers, and have some kind of fucking plastic pacifier in my mouth … as I slobbered over German chocolate cake – and read Nietzsche …
If I had one of those accounts …
I’d shake my booty, for the looty …
If I had an OnlyFans account …
I’d trick old “Wharf Sarah” into being in some “movies”. She’s 70 and has been tricking for decades … our thing? – the “double Santino Oklahoma style” …
It involves 300 feet of abrasive rope, a diesel generator, four long fluorescent bulbs.
don’t do the “double Santino” on a first date
a “single Santino”? – maybe, if you have an emergency defib kit
Having a military …
“No government could afford a military if they were forced to pay for their mistakes AND keep their promises to those who served.” – Dr. Freckles
When YOUR GUY wins …
“Voting magically WORKS, when it’s YOUR GUY – funny.” – Dr. Freckles
Florida …
“Florida is going to make Beirut look like Aspen.” – Dr. Freckles
We will devolve into what future creatures will call “sofa apes” … they will analyze the grease deposits we left in the polyurethane fluff from farting …
“shitty sofa apes” – is what the dog-race will say.
Argentina …
Nothing about the “anti-banker Libertarian wins in Argentina” story seems legit to me – it’s too cartoonish. Plus – the guy seems to have a hardon for Israel …
And then there’s that story from the Army years ago …
But I really don’t want to be talking about this.
Worshiping Science
“The actual scientific method is USEFUL … Worshiping science, or its necessarily temporary truths, is crazy.” – Dr. Freckles
Princess Leia’s “you’re my only hope” bullshit …
“Gandalf was a traveling grifter, Princess Leia sent out PHISHING TRAPS and SPAM: which one was worse?” – Dr. Freckles
I’m sure a LOT of old drunk Jedi got Princess Leia’s “you’re my only hope” form letter …
(a lot of them pressed delete immediately)
(press DELETE BILBO – blow that grifter mother fucker away!)
Ginger kids …
Ginger children are the most hated.
All cultures have stories of roasting ginger kids, when they are born – or tossing them out into the woods, to be eaten, or befriended, by wolves … usually eaten.
Ginger bread houses come from the Middle Ages, when the Vatican sanctioned multiple crusades against ginger kids.
They would build a house of dry straw and wood, and put the ginger kids in it … and set it on fire …
They loved doing this around the holidays.
The AZTECS NEVER SACRIFICED VIRGINS …
ARE YOU MAD? – you don’t waste that …
No – they would take all ginger kids born that year, and cover them in skeel-wax and bat entrails and lead them up to the sacrificial altar where the elders would each take turns stabbing the kids.
You know WHY they killed JFK?
(ginger)
If you must eat human, ginger flesh is considered the most succulent and tasty.