Hi, I’ve been kidnapped …

Hi.
My name is CHUCK BRADLEY.
I've been kidnapped.

I was taken from the PLOW.
The bad guys have me now.
My wife is a rotten sow.
They burn my left nut.
In my chest they made a cut.
A gas I made from my butt.
But ...
I'm fine ...
I'm okay.
Thanks.

Hi.
My name is Deborah Simms.
I've been murdered.

I was standing by the gate
waiting for my date
he said his name was Nate
I said "well, that's great"
we danced the night
we danced till day
I asked to go home
he said "okay"
We arrived back at my door
he called me a whore
he cut my throat
he stood there with that affect
that gloat
and NOTE
I simply drifted away
but I'm okay
I'll be fine
you'll be with me
at the end of time.
Thanks.