Category: Planetary Status Reports

The MOVIE KUMGASM came out in 1967. It was out of SWEDEN and represented one of the best examples of boovula-play then seen by the strangely broken American public.

Tired from the ongoing Vietnam War, the Americans were READY for a story about some red haired freak, barely clothed, running through the woods of Sweden, being chased by bare chested blonde chud carrying rope and chains and whips. The main character, DANA, was constantly pulling herself through brutal swamps and fighting off wild Swedish alligators, while only wearing a t-shirt and underwear.

Buried in the mythos of this story was the tale of orgasmic pleasure from the filling of a woman’s chalice. Her thrust-ogre is always waiting, always ready, for some white-man or black-man to fill her UP … to complete her. And as she senses a totalistic oneness, her mother-code kicks in and wants to make sure the BABY is OKAY.

KUMGASM 2: THE KUMMINGER, came in 1972 … just in time for the WAVE of SEXUALISM spreading across America. Torrid and spicy, weird scenes involving large black men with overly-sized male man tubes, were taking terms with the NEW DANA. The woman that played “Dana”, had overdosed.

An old freak from the LA Times, film critic, Sherrod T. Myers, labeled KUMGASM 2 “the most important theater experience since GONE with the WIND”. Sherrod took his brother’s wife, Tina, to the movie – his brother was killing Catholic nuns, in El Salvador, for the CIA. He and Tina made love afterwards, so excited by the “surprise ending” of KUMGASM 2. Sherrod ended up murdering Tina, a few weeks later, when he found out she was pregnant. It was a hard time for people, a hard time for the dark lords of midnight who hunted their prey, blameless, as the Moon looked on and the astronauts died of cocaine.

When KUMGASM 3 came out, the original Swedish film crew decided to film ON LOCATION in the jungles of the Philippine Islands. They’d shoot the film on one of those lost islands, rand by cannibals and heroin lords. They made deals with LORD TIG of the Eastern Philippine Alliance of Communist Rebels. TIG enjoyed his WHITE WOMEN, and the KUMGASM team made many white slave women available to him, to be taunted and tied up, to be whipped – film of these off the cuff encounters made it into KUMGASM 3 – the 7 Tubes of S’Korn.

The story line behind the 7 Tubes was kinda simple … an Australian geologist, played by Misty Freewinkle (known for her supporting roles in films like DEEP THROAT and the DALLAS FORWARD PASS). “Terra Disray”, the main heroine of this story, finds herself in the swampy jungle, sweaty and tired, and surrounded by many angry and lustful natives that she had hired in Manila to help her find the MOTHER LODE of ancient oils and greases that would make her rich …

As the filming of 7 Tubes progressed, DICK REMINGTON, the man playing Misty’s romantic hero in the film, came down with a form of genital crabs only found in the Philippines – a weird, nasty illness … those damn things ate off Dick’s penis, and he had to be replaced by an up and coming STAR named Hank Denver.

Hank Denver was well known in the film world as a “lover double” – a man who would play Steve McQueen, in some steamy love scene, injecting his sausage magic and large pectoral muscles.

At one point during the filming, TIG, the warlord chieftain, decided HE wanted to be in the film – and things got messy …

TIG made weird requests, and began holding late night “swamp and cocaine” orgies where the actors and actresses were forced to participate in sex rituals while TIG did coke and watched and listened to BEE GEES music.

The world turned dark in the jungle, and each night things got worse – leaving the crew of “7 Tubes” wondering if they would ever make it out of that Philippine jungle hell alive …

Misty, who was preparing for her “big scene”, had never done 7 men at the same time – but, the penultimate scene unlocking the secrets of the ancient oils and greases, required this ritual and it was meant to be brutal, humiliating, painful and messy. They had 6 cocks ready to go, but the 7th was missing – probably dead some place, probably being eaten by rats. So, the director looked about for volunteers – and TIG, the warlord, was READY TO GO and become a Hollywood star.

That night they shot the ULTIMATE LOVE SCENE – 7 men running a train on one petite and busty Misty – there was a horrible monsoon and the jungle was extra streamy and slimy.

As Misty “took it”, and took it hard, she was tied between 4 trees with roughly tied rope stretching her apart …

She was gagged, but her screams could be heard throughout the jungle – as those nasty men did what they did to her, every hole … sometimes two or three to one hole …

All the shots took about 5 hours, and the sun was coming up as Misty was freed from her jungle imbroglio and the men were drinking beer and eating meat and doing even more cocaine.

At around 7 AM, the director let everyone know that “this was it” – they had it “in the can” and were ready to go home. They’d filmed 27 hours of love making and jungle chases and weird alligator dick play …

Even Misty wondered if this was going to be her “big hit” and maybe she could buy that cheetah farm in Santa Barbara …

Many decades later, after the 4th Tri-gleam Conflict, this film would be used to spread anti-Philippine propaganda. The Scarab-Priests of Delaware made their case known against all profanity, as the Jizzum Sons of Texas consolidated their control of Northern Mexico and Phoenix …

Carla Tate? – she was putting on an improv show in Vegas called “KUMGASM X: READY FOR IT”, and it was being receiving very positive reviews by the New York City crowd.

But nobody really understands the pain of those days …

Nobody cared to remember the struggle in that jungle to create art …

KUMGASM was something more …

A dedication to a woman’s total pleasure, received and conceived, when the chalice is full and the orifice is active …

Flecks of microscopic cesium embedded in my cardiac muscle …

“It’s heart warming …”