“Mental health tip: don’t take mental health advice from random mother fuckers on social media.” – Dr. Freckles
WW3 …
“WW3 will make WW2 seem like WW1.” – Dr. Freckles
Daylight Savings Time
Nothing is being saved.
They fuck with your clock and create pain.
You think you get an “hour back” – but this is a lie too.
Because of DST? – 4 million squirrels go hungry.
The next time some woman tells me “I have a yeast infection”, I’ll say:
“Hold my beer”
(because I need to get my sample kit)
blame daylight savings time
The company motto for BOOVULA BREWERY?
“Send us your yeast infection, we’ll send you some beer.”
damn this daylight savings time
I need to start collecting hooker greases for my new company.
Daylight savings man …
“Jack Frost roasting on an open fire,
chestnuts biting off my toes.”
(some real Christmas spirit bullshit)
Because of Daylight Savings Time …
I’m behind on podcasts, but I have some kick ass notes. And maybe I wake up in the morning, early, and eat scribbles, and ungudgoolate myself, while de-groomulating my splinctus.
I am your muskrat hunter, my love.
Playing pretend …
“Everyone gets to play pretend, when the show is at its end.” – Dr. Freckles
Noodle, noodle, yankee doodle …
I was at the WALMART, and this dude, in some sort of hypno state, was muttering:
“noodle, noodle,
yankee doodle,
drop that bomb,
on Old Saddam”
It sounded like it, truly he was at ramming speed with his shopping cart and I just got out of his insane way and didn’t take notes.
But folks: it’s getting crazier out there
The dude at WALMART …
He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad … he was crazy.
Painting logs black …
“You paint logs black when you ain’t got no real cannon.” – Dr. Freckles
MARK MY WORDS!
“The only people who should be allowed to say ‘mark my words’ are villains, in Scooby-Doo episodes.” – Dr. Freckles
I need a woman …
A woman of iron and brass …
A woman of knives and glass …
A woman made of tissue and chess …
She might be named Bess.
Not some lukewarm velveteen,
but a woman that shakes her fist at God, with passion.
She’s okay with pizza, but doesn’t want you to hear her fart.
She walks with pride,
a sexy stride,
and if she lies about her former lovers? – she does so to protect your pride.
I need a woman that can outshoot me,
and out love me.
Her body is shaped like some beautiful ocean,
islands and eddies …
Shoreline from the mountains of her busty-ness,
to the hidden valley ranch.
I want the cave-girl vibes,
with a job that pays …
I want to take care of her,
but she doesn’t need it.
She’ll build a cabin, just for us …
We’ll grow crops and harvest the beast …
Our love will run deep.
She won’t sell her juice for yeast.
SHE will be demure,
but with fists to match her passion.
She will be dignified,
with a .357 for any man that tries to TAKE from her.
She will be smart, but not a showoff …
And when she sees pain, she’ll be the healer.
I need a woman who knows the Lord in Heaven rules,
but she’s not afraid to be my whimsical lover.
I want a woman who is NOT afraid to be slutty,
in private,
when the doors are closed.
I need a woman who is NOT afraid to be fierce,
in public, in the wilderness,
where the monster lurk.
I need a woman who will wear jeans and boots,
and stand watch on the tower,
and wear a flower,
for love.
Truth or Whiskey …
“You can have truth or whiskey or both.” – Dr. Freckles
All the Martian invaders …
“Have the Israelis killed all the Martian invaders yet?” – Dr. Freckles
Empire …
A simple process for douches who want to steal shit:
- find a country that has shit you want
- install shit head as LEADER
- let it boil for 5 to 10 years
- Declare shit head “evil” and invade
(rinse and repeat)
HOBLIMPTOCK
“I’ve talked about BOBLIMPTOCK, but not HOBLIMPTOCK.” – Dr. Freckles
IT at work …
The IT software / firewall at work classifies my blog, this blog, as porn …
If it is porn? – it’s a strange porn.
A porn for strangers …
A table set for strangers to feel less alone.
People like me …
“When people like me stop getting cancelled? – you should probably get worried.” – Dr. Freckles
Sheep dipping …
- What is it?
- What is it today?
- Does it require consent or knowing participation?
The laundromat …
“The laundromat is like a casino that is more peaceful and less disappointing.” – Dr. Freckles
(bonus: you get to hear the cling-cling-cling of the change machine, and it’s like a slot machine paying out)
Fermented semen …
“Vagina beer, fermented semen, you see where this is headed?” – Dr. Freckles
Knowing what’s going on …
“If you can think beyond politics and voting, you have a chance at understanding what’s actually going on; but even then, everyday people will never know for sure.” – Dr. Freckles
In the future …
In the future …
The “CALIFORNIA DREAMING” video will be seen as naïve bright-siding utopian bullshit.
In the future …
Swamp masters, herding their hooker women, will lurk in the regions EAST of New York City. They will harvest sewage crab and live off of the snail greases and the lost virgin patties. It will be hard, but their names will be THROG and GRYG and TOOLLS … and they will be feared. In the future.
In the future …
The dancing nurses will be found, along with DB COOPER and the cause of the WTC-7 collapse … all found … all verified. Sure, you’ll use these secret papers to keep yourself warm, and you’ll burn the plastic coverings too … as you cower in your cave, on the run from the HIGLIN-CREW and the other droogs hanging near the Ivory Sands of Tyl … and still their hearts will be warn and yellow. In the future.
IN THE FUTURE …
The bullet will be gold and gold will be power. Heinous derby riders, shooting horses for taco meat, will be chased out of Florida and find refuge in the storm drains of Dallas. The underground world, covered in mold and slime, becomes their empire of madness and the LOST ONES are forgotten, as their bones turn to dust. In the future.
Way off in the future …
People will live on MARS … they’ll have fancy cars and martinis at bars … they will ski Olympus Mons, and hangout with ROBOT-ELON-MUSK – carbon unit Musk will be dead by then, died in a TESLA accident. Many will come to his funeral, dressed in steel and suede, wondering and wandering the cemetery, finding only reflections of their own monkey failure … in the future.
Right to speak …
“Where a person has no right to speak? – the unconscious rules.” – Dr. Freckles