“Mental health tip: don’t take mental health advice from random mother fuckers on social media.” – Dr. Freckles
WW3 …
“WW3 will make WW2 seem like WW1.” – Dr. Freckles
Daylight Savings Time
Nothing is being saved.
They fuck with your clock and create pain.
You think you get an “hour back” – but this is a lie too.
Because of DST? – 4 million squirrels go hungry.
The next time some woman tells me “I have a yeast infection”, I’ll say:
“Hold my beer”
(because I need to get my sample kit)
blame daylight savings time
The company motto for BOOVULA BREWERY?
“Send us your yeast infection, we’ll send you some beer.”
damn this daylight savings time
I need to start collecting hooker greases for my new company.
Daylight savings man …
“Jack Frost roasting on an open fire,
chestnuts biting off my toes.”
(some real Christmas spirit bullshit)
Because of Daylight Savings Time …
I’m behind on podcasts, but I have some kick ass notes. And maybe I wake up in the morning, early, and eat scribbles, and ungudgoolate myself, while de-groomulating my splinctus.
I am your muskrat hunter, my love.
Playing pretend …
“Everyone gets to play pretend, when the show is at its end.” – Dr. Freckles
Noodle, noodle, yankee doodle …
I was at the WALMART, and this dude, in some sort of hypno state, was muttering:
“noodle, noodle,
yankee doodle,
drop that bomb,
on Old Saddam”
It sounded like it, truly he was at ramming speed with his shopping cart and I just got out of his insane way and didn’t take notes.
But folks: it’s getting crazier out there
The dude at WALMART …
He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad … he was crazy.
Painting logs black …
“You paint logs black when you ain’t got no real cannon.” – Dr. Freckles
MARK MY WORDS!
“The only people who should be allowed to say ‘mark my words’ are villains, in Scooby-Doo episodes.” – Dr. Freckles
I need a woman …
A woman of iron and brass …
A woman of knives and glass …
A woman made of tissue and chess …
She might be named Bess.
Not some lukewarm velveteen,
but a woman that shakes her fist at God, with passion.
She’s okay with pizza, but doesn’t want you to hear her fart.
She walks with pride,
a sexy stride,
and if she lies about her former lovers? – she does so to protect your pride.
I need a woman that can outshoot me,
and out love me.
Her body is shaped like some beautiful ocean,
islands and eddies …
Shoreline from the mountains of her busty-ness,
to the hidden valley ranch.
I want the cave-girl vibes,
with a job that pays …
I want to take care of her,
but she doesn’t need it.
She’ll build a cabin, just for us …
We’ll grow crops and harvest the beast …
Our love will run deep.
She won’t sell her juice for yeast.
SHE will be demure,
but with fists to match her passion.
She will be dignified,
with a .357 for any man that tries to TAKE from her.
She will be smart, but not a showoff …
And when she sees pain, she’ll be the healer.
I need a woman who knows the Lord in Heaven rules,
but she’s not afraid to be my whimsical lover.
I want a woman who is NOT afraid to be slutty,
in private,
when the doors are closed.
I need a woman who is NOT afraid to be fierce,
in public, in the wilderness,
where the monster lurk.
I need a woman who will wear jeans and boots,
and stand watch on the tower,
and wear a flower,
for love.
Truth or Whiskey …
“You can have truth or whiskey or both.” – Dr. Freckles
All the Martian invaders …
“Have the Israelis killed all the Martian invaders yet?” – Dr. Freckles