“Fun fact: your coping is killing you faster than drinking is killing me.” – Dr. Freckles
Don’t trust the media … unless …
“Don’t trust the media, unless it makes you feel better about reality.” – Dr. Freckles
MAGA-FLOW (from #SEAFLOW)
THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION … of Blump …
Nothing about yesterday adds up – even if you think part of the prank was having a bullet whizz by Trump’s head …
Me? – I simply don’t trust the sources of information that would allow me to judge.
As a Sovietologist? – I am simply asking THIS QUESTION
WHY ARE THEY SHOWING ME THIS?
(that’s the question)
Here’s my NICEST limited hangout TAKE from yesterday’s Penny Dreadful nonsense:
We are winning the WAR against the MACHINES …
THE CONFESSION of DAN SULLIVAN …
If they ask WHY I DID IT?
… tell’em it was a SNICKERS BAR …
Fun fact about me: I’ve BEEN to PENNSYLVANIA … (it ain’t no picnic …)
I was working on my spider egg farm when a couple ladies, dressed in gray flannel, came up to my camper to talk about SEA-FLOW.
“We were wondering if WE could benefit from spider egg nutrients?”, the blonde said, as she massaged her boovula through her classy skirt. She had a case, what looked like a rifle case, and inside was a PLOTON GUN that fired WHALE JIZZ at 34% the speed of 12 million flamingoes … this was getting interesting.
“We will let you rub squirrel oil on our breasts as we ungunjoolate our boovulas, with only underwear on, and you can do a bunch of cocaine … BUT … you need to do this thing …”
And we talked about the THING: schedules and linkups and meetings and midnight phone calls over pay phones … burners and churners … it was LIT. We put on Golden Earring’s Twilight Zone, and that’s when the brunette with the really BIG JUGS unleased them and the coke they had … and then it got crazy …
Leisure Suit Larry …
“Leisure Suit Larry is now Geezer Shirt Garry, and Pitfall Pete was eaten by hippos.” – Dr. Freckles
Cannibal Pain
“The first time humans eat humans, you will see a teardrop. The second time you’ll just see BBQ sauce.” – Dr. Freckles
10K CLOCK (and other Times of Noah bullshit)
SPOILER ALERT: it won’t last 10,000 years …
Growing old …
“Growing old isn’t for the young.” – Dr. Freckles
UNIVERSAL WAVE
“You are surfing on the wave of the universe.” – Dr. Freckles
We were a proper country once …
Fishermen and Hunters
“Great fishermen and hunters are also great ecologists.” – Dr. freckles
Built to last …
“Have you noticed? – nothing built in the last few decades is BUILT to LAST.” – Dr. Freckles
MEGA FAUNA BBQ STYLE RIBs …
“You bring BACK the MEGA-FAUNA so you can have a steak like you saw in the Flintstones.” – Dr. Freckles
Mammoths …
Giant Tree Sloths …
Saber Tooth Tigers …
And other giant furry tasty creatures …
(probably pigs that weigh 16 tons)
Hesitation DOES NOT indicate humanity …
“Take advantage of hesitation in your opponent, don’t mistake it for humanity.” – Dr. Freckles
Ted Bundy probably hesitated and made several mistakes during his first human kill.
The Composer
“I could compose soundtracks for Swedish style porn films.” – Dr. Freckles
The Skeptics …
“The best advocates for fear are those who feign skepticism.” – Dr. Freckles