“Space is going to be so BIG next year.” – Dr. Freckles
Best ecologists …
“You know who make the best ecologists? – anarchists.” – Dr. Freckles
Styx (revisited)
“Styx is a poor man’s LED ZEPPELIN.” – Dr. Freckles
Kendrick and Drake
I heard Kendrick made fun of Will Smith’s wife …
And then Will Smith met with Kanye about that THING between Ice Spice and Taylor …
But then all hell broke loose when ICE-T sent the OG crew after Drake and his poot-pounder militia …
I heard Lil Wayne stole Wheezy’s YOLK-MOLD and now half of Mogersville is filled with bangers from Dickton and Rentley and Stratford by Avon …
And after the last gun play? – the GHEY boys sold tootsie roll wrappers to the sky HOP demon with the gold teeth and the fuzzy hat …
But NAT VON BLONSTER stole the NIGHT, when EMINEM started vomiting up his soldier boy rum and the last of the HEBREW derelicts gave up the tunnel treasure for the Hester-Wives of Brooklyn.
And then DRAKE had something to say about it …
Kendrick says Drake “lost his mind” when he couldn’t find his pudding stash. And the eyelash sisters, who stand idlily by, haven’t got the JUICE to CUT IT LOOSE and shake their caboose for the CRIPPS from FRESNO. Bloods sing too, and the EAST COAST ATL rappers form up into their throngous-armies and weld a strong pipe of love scum and Nordic pig wrestling.
Sure, Drake says that Kendrick killed his moms, and that all the old gangstas are lost in Rancho Cucamonga … that said, the bed they made for HIP HOP glory is the oldest story of hookers and ICE and gats and knives … throwing stars and pillowcases filled with d-cell batteries. Everyone is getting ready for DRAKE’S NEXT THING …
Drake is complaining about anal rash.
There are signs that Kendrick may have poisoned his stew by selling goo to a girl named Lisa. Lisa used to date Snoop Dogg, but is now being hunted by the Peruvian police units for being too damn sexy.
After DRAKE finished recording his album: “TUFF”, he met with the donut hassle crew and fed them turnip wine. Kendrick showed up and they began wrestling each other, stroking each other off, and the whole assembly began to get sick.
And that’s when Will Smith showed up … Have you heard about that?
Will Smith was piloting a submarine for L Ron Hubbard’s SEA-ORG, when he found evidence of Drake’s bullshit.
Smith’s wife was diving, naked, digging for muggle-worms, when DRAKE slipped in FROM BEHIND … BOOM. And Will fired 8 torpedoes, but the cans told him too many THETANS are living in his hands, so the sand swallows him up and his wife and his submarine.
And that’s when Kendrick makes his play …
After SMITH and his SCIENTOLOGY friends were destroyed by the sands of time, Samuel L Jackson had some words with Kendrick.
Jackson and Kendrick were friends, back in the 1980’s. Jackson taught Kendrick the STREET THUG LIFE and the strife of a man’s war against prejudice and herpes. Jackson had been ordered by LL Cool J to bring PEACE to the Hip Hop world, but Jackson had a different mission, an uglier one …
Kendrick set up an ass-trap at his condo in Vegas, where Jackson tripped on a wire, and there was a fire, and half the Mormon Boy’s Choir played the lyre for Ted. And when the waters retreated, the band was seated, and Samuel L Jackson was dead.
Matt Damon got stuck, with Richard Gere, at the VEGAS HAMSTER FESTIVAL. Kendrick shows up and starts dissing Drake …
Richard and DRAKE go back to the fuselage parties in London in 1998 …
Drake made mud cake and sold a few to Richard, and then Matt Damon shows up and covers himself in coyote stool. Now Kendrick is saying that DRAKE has no gumption? – and Richard Gere is just busy pushing hamsters up his zone cave.
They say Drake is cruising all night now, looking for Kendrick. He goes out in his TOYOTA PRIUS and seeks the Jen-Kon power of Mao Mao Mike Tyson style fruit slurry. And Kendrick is going to Buddhist temples, finding karmic dust in his elbow magnet. His girl, Deeglah, spreads the word to the EAST SIDE HOOLIES … and there will be NO PEACE.
No peace between Kendrick and Drake.
No peace between the living and the dead.
No peace when Richard gets done, and the squirrel army of revenge shows up …
No peace.
Only Hip Hop.
Tube farms …
“Soon, there will be tube farms … for turning people into tubes … that make smaller tubes.” – Dr. Freckles
My liberty journey …
“The thing about the journey to anarchism? – there ain’t no ‘Gandalf’ … and you wouldn’t want one anyhow …” – Dr. Freckles
Good craps …
“FLOWTEIN from SEA-FLOW is WHY my bowel movements are spirited, rocky, and have zest.” – Dr. Freckles, Poopoligist …
They …
“They are breeding what they are eating.” – Dr. Freckles
CIA and DRUGS
“The CIA never stopped facilitating the drug trade, they just got better accountants.” – Dr. Freckles
CARBS and CATS
“If you want to grow carbs, you’re gonna need cats.” – Dr. Freckles
ENJOY SEA-FLOW …
Testimonials … (SEA-FLOW)
It’s been a wild ride these last few days, so much excitement about SEA-FLOW and our various FLOTEIN power supplements.
One of the joys of being the CEO of SEA-FLOW is interacting with our SEA-FLOW lifestyle flo-stories …. A lot of folks are having their lives changed by SEA-FLOW FLOTEIN powders and juices.
We have this one story from Gabe Dirkson, of Seattle, WA:
Dear Sea-Flow:
I've been dealing with stigmoid-densoral skoob-itis for over 20 years. None of my neighbors care, they keep asking "when ya gonna die, I know someone that wants to convert your place into a split level", nice stuff like that. I spend my nights on the back porch now, in my rocking chair, thinking about what I'd do if I could simply get over that nagging fear. The things ...
Any who: I started using SEA-FLOW RED-STYLE FLOWTEIN POWDER No. 8 a few weeks ago, and I can already feel blood returning to my penis and my heart beat is more regular, I don't stop breathing as much at night any longer. All due to SEA-FLOW.
I'm still dying a wretched and horrible death, but I'm getting over my FEAR-WALLS that stifle progress, as a SEA-FLOW recruiter once told me.
Thanks SEA-FLOW!
Gabe
This is another personal SEA-FLOW story from Kaci Dornchamber, of Guston, Colorado:
Dear SEA-FLOW:
I started using your special FLOWTEIN SEX OIL NO. 12 a few months ago, I can't believe the results. As recommended, I rub 1/3 a bottle on my boovula twice a week, and what's happened is shocking! I now have several boyfriends that come by at night ... they feast upon my flesh as a doe lying near dead in the field, and the mountain lion rips at its flesh. I lay there, languidly, accepting bull pipe magic from husky construction worker types with deep dark eyes and a thousand lies to keep a woman smoking ...
Sure, it gets rough sometimes, but the SEA-FLOW HYDRATION POWDERS keep me rolling, as the train goes by ...
Thanks SEA-FLOW!
Yours,
Kaci
Don’t let the hoor …
“Don’t let the HOOR hit you on the way out.” – Dr. Freckles
GRINKEN TIME SALES …
On my ride into work today I saw a sign that read:
“METAL BARRELS, $55.99”, and of course I knew what they meant: barrels, 50-100 gal drums, for dumping bodies … everyone knows this.
But my next thought was, “FUCK, have the GRINKEN TIME SALES arrived?”
Cuz they could have meant bore-ready gun barrels, and they might even have a custom auto-lathe onsite for boring and rifling that damnable thing.
And it’s like “you saying I can walk out of there today with a fully bored/rifled 6 mm barrel for my NEW STYLE AR BUILD in honor of lost old calibers that no one gives a fuck about?”
And you say “Son, we’ll have it done in 30 minutes, or the next barrel is FREE …”
That’s what GRINKEN TIME SALES feels like … it’s Black Friday everyday, but not racist.
You can say “well Dan, I know about BLACK FRIDAY, but WTAF is a GRINKEN TIME SALE?”
Well I’ll tell ya …
We are currently in the AGE of BOBLIMPTOCK. This age began in early 2020, and ends in the 5th Year – we are currently in YEAR 5.
Boblimptock is followed by GRINKEN TIME, a time of LOVE and LUST, a time of GOLD and GRETCHEN the BAR WENCH … a time of rocket ship nightmares and stale cocaine whimsy. And during this time some pretty nasty shit is going to happen, sorry … check under your “Oprah Seat”, you’ll probably find something dangerous that wants to kill you … this is GRINKEN TIME, and it nears …
You can tell when the special sales start popping up … on bleach and knives, re-loader deals for klunget guns … prices? – they will suck … but you’ll buy … cuz GRINKEN TIME awaits, and the “prices” will be worse. So, in a sense, everything IS ON SALE just prior to GRINKEN TIME.
I can’t wait till TESSA’S LOAF STORE starts selling “short-yote” … it’s a kind of coyote that’s starting to breed with raccoons, but Tessa can’t call it a “coon” nothing without somebody thinking she’s racist. And then she has this purple/green sauce made of chestnut berries and scavenged puddle rice. It’s nice to sit down to a loaf in the morning, and work out where you’re gonna look for replacement parts in the wasteland … out near the dune sea.
During PRE-GRINKEN TIME SALES MANIA, Barnacle Bob’s usually has really good deals on quick lime and nitric acid. You can talk to him about the gumbo-sharks being pulled out from below the pier, and if anyone has gotten the “gribblies” yet from eating that infernal thing. He loves to chat about the tortoise migration from Mexico, and how there ain’t no more sand-fumes for making whiskey pie. He’ll be sure to serve warmed up brown drink, with some honey and lime. Bob always loves to greet customers, in the basement, when he’s working, during that pre-GRINKEN TIME festival of sales.
ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS of THIS GRINKEN TIME SALES period?
SEA-FLOW is issuing the SEACOIN … we DGAF if the name is already taken by some blockchain hooker somewhere. We will destroy all!
The SEACOIN will be backed by SEA-FLOW FLOWTEIN DRINKS and topical lotions and sex jells … this tracks with all kinds of post-scarcity bullshit.
THE SEACOIN will be bought, during GRINKEN TIME SALES, from a guy named Al … Albert … Albert McDizzywillow … And Al will take your gold and silver and ammo and guns and archery stuff and fishing equipment and storable food and water purification, and give YOU in RETURN a PRINTED CERTIFICATE with a custom QR CODE UNLOCKING #SEACOIN from SEA-FLOW … we will be long gone by the time you figure your shit out.
And you know that SEA-FLOW will have many deals, during the GRINKEN TIME SALES.
- Colon Cleanse FLOWTEIN ASS rinse (one 1 oz of gold)
- Cig-Throat Flowtein lozenges (5 ounces of silver)
- Doogly style harpy juicers (10 pounds of venison)
- Cat exorcism crystals and SEA-FLOW ritual book (2 dying hippos)
And so much more from SEA-FLOW.
GRINKEN TIME SALES will be your LAST TIME to take part in these ONE TIME DEALS:
- meat that’s still cool from refrigeration
- your heart pills from the pharmacy
- electricity for your shit
- clean water
So many deals … on SALE … RIGHT NOW … but GRINKEN TIME SALES? – LAF …
Nobody will forget them.
(ever)
FLOWTEIN: made from SEA-FLOW jell creatures
SEA-FLOW
SEA-FLOW
MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240505_SEA_FLOW.mp3
Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles
SEA-FLOW: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11861
Women and reefs: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11847
Opening your mind to a PSYOP: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11845
Teenagers and fractions: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11852
If we freedom: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11856
Remember when: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11906
CINCO de MAYO!
MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240505_CINCO_DE_MAYO.mp3
Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles
Cinco De Mayo: https://www.britannica.com/topic/Cinco-de-Mayo
What are you making for Cinco de Mayo?: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11799
There are …: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11818
You own what you can protect: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11811
Don’t take it personally: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11805
Too sick to enjoy it: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11807
Without bullshit fear: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11809
Criticizing Israel: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11842
Remember WHEN …
I remember Mrs Muggleworth’s celery paste, Puddle Flower would come home from the shallows, and bring me Spring Jebson’s Cotton tacos and Shirley style clam cake with celery paste.
Why can’t it be like it used to be?
Remember when we’d buy unicorn sauce from Treb, on the corner? He’d sell it from out behind the shed where his mother gave birth to him. It would be slick and brown and tangy, it added spark and life to our otherwise droll stoog-rations. Nestor-snakes would hunt our babies, but at least we had unicorn sauce.
remember that?
I used to play jump-it ball with the boys in the open lot across from the nuclear factory. We’d rub radioactive mud on our junk and wear hats made from mutant flowers, for hours we’d dance and play, with nothing left to do or say but cut the tumors off our arms, for dinner. And when that time ended? – we had the deadly “green clouds” from Denver, and that was nice too. I wonder, will it ever be like that again?
Do you think?
Can we MAGA this bitch?
Cum-steaks used to be really popular among the French people in Dallas. You’d see them up late, with doongle-hammers, beating out the JUICE. The stench of dirg-leeches filled the air as those dark figures of regret drifted in and out of their own shame castles. And mom would cook up skizz-stew for the dorb-master, and life was simple.
Can it be like that again, if we try real hard?
MAGA?
Dad had some kind of den below the barn …
There’d be these screams at night, and you’d never ask – not unless you wanted something, something real bad to happen. Sure, there were garbage bags filled, moved, dumped in Lake Gorch … for the tringle fish to feed upon. And his hands would be stained red, and his affect cold, and his eyes staring miles ahead of his heart. We would all have pancakes.
Can MAGA BLUMP save us so that we can have this again?
We used to make slab-loaf for parties, celebrations. Nurse Yuul would bring Danish style short-ribs, and our home would be filled with mist and smiles. Mom would render the grissolm-fat into some kind of form and mix in parrot droppings and rat marrow and dying frog goo. It would take hours to make, but everyone felt good about it, it was special …
Can we MAGA our way back to that place?
SEA-FLOW
I’ve got this new CASH program …
It’s called SEA-FLOW.
It’s not your standard 4-token crypto-investment plan, it has layers of complex dis-intermediation and reverse vampire Kung Fu grip. You can’t take it on an airplane, but you’ll open your third eye when the SKY FLAG waves high. It’s SEA-FLOW.
Here’s how it’s gonna work baby …
You recruit ten people or more into SEA-FLOW. If you tell me you CAN’T recruit at least TEN people into SEA-FLOW, then we’ll have a difficult conversation. I’ll probably pick you up in my BLACK FORD ECONOLINE VAN to “go have coffee” … the VAN with the back door welded shut, and there’s no windows … and the side door INSIDE handle don’t work … and there’s a metal grate between me and the passenger. Ask me what happens if you don’t recruit 10 people into SEA-FLOW.
Once you have your AT LEAST 10 people, working for you … each of them pays you, monthly, ten dollars … that’s like NOTHING … a couple gallons of gas baby. YOU pay me, for those 10, and for each multiple after? – 8 for every 10 dollars, or 80 dollars per 100 – but you get to keep $20 a month … and that’s huge. You see. Each of your recruits will also be making money off of recruits – and everyone knows the rule (push it UP and take a small cut). Bottom line, I get 80% of the pie, and you need to get your recruits recruiting. Will there be “nutrient drinks” we sell? – FUCK YEAH … SEA-FLOW PROTEIN …
Key learning point: SEA-FLOW money doesn’t ADD UP, IT FLOWS UP … up to me.
Let’s talk about SEA-FLOW PROTEIN …
When you’re selling SEA-FLOW LIFESTYLE BRAND IMAGE to your recruits, you need to have a compelling fucking story. And this is the story of Dr. Brandy Windross of the Bocheevian Institute of Oils of Chile. One day, while scavenging in her bikini outfit, covered in oils, her boobs and boovula unjoolating as she scampered over those stony beach outcroppings … one day while doing this, she came across SEA-FLOW.
SEA-FLOW PROTEIN isn’t even called that …
It’s called FLOWTEIN …
SEA-FLOW is PACKED with FLOWTEIN.
“Doc Brandy”, as her friends call her at the strip club, had been researching rejuvenating juices and concoctions that can be rubbed on one’s boobs while running an Only Fans account. That day she found SEA-FLOW, it was just a little precious thing, a globule of living tissue and scroglon-flesh. Doc Brandy took that little thingy home, and subjected it to electricity and x-rays and alpha/beta radiation … damnable little thingy. But that chunk of munctous did not die … and that’s when she discovered SEA-FLOW.
Her scientological mind broke down the various amino acids and skeb-molecules and metal shavings and moss. She formatted her life-disk array and started Crispr’ing away. The day turned dark, and the clouds came a running, and out of the sky LIGHTNING, THUNDER. SEA-FLOW was born of such, and a fair amount of weirdness.
Now, you can elaborate on this story based on your audience – BUT DON’T EVER GET TOO FUCKING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT IS IN SEA-FLOW … could just be pulverized Japanese seaweed wrappers … we don’t know, you’d have to ask Brandy.
The SEA-FLOW LIFESTYLE is the THING …
You need to have a big digital file of attractive people, doing cool shit. Like some twenty something brunette, getting out of her LIMO and the paparazzi get a NIB-SLIP pic – but everyone smiles and goes to Tahiti. The pics are of people in good shape – physically. Your recruits will probably not be that physically attractive … BUT … everyone can benefit from a SEA-FLOW FACIAL and MAKEOVER.
Some SEA-FLOW recruits will be quite comely, and those between the age of 25 and 35 should be sent MY WAY, up the mountain to see old Mr Pizzle-Witz … and that’s how they will become SEA-FLOW ADMIRALS in the SEA-FLOW SEA-ORG.
Yes – other multi-level schemes have had “SEA-ORGS”, but no one OWNS billion year contracts … it’s just, well …. no one could conceivably honor a billion year contract … fucker.
Our SEA-ORG contracts are for just 1,000 years … and we have the tech to keep your brain, alive, in a jar, running a robot, that makes wallets. You’ll do that after you go through body-death, and transition to your SEA-ORG LIFESTYLE BRAND. Don’t you see how this is already changing your life mother fucker?
We’ll have the DOUGIST INSTITUTE in RENO, where I live on the 30th floor of our custom CASINO STYLE WORSHIP CENTER … dedicated to SEA-FLOW.
I’ll live up there, at the top of the SEA-FLOW CENTER, fingernails and toenails long and snarled … walking about in dirty underwear, but no other clothes … hair grown out to an unruly length. Storing my urine in jars. SEA-FLOW living …
SEA-FLOW will have 47 levels of totalistic self-creational-moto-planes. Plane ZERO squeebs are the first level mendicants, they snivel and trap woggo-flies and prepare meat pies for the level 1 cat-gerders.
We have a SEA-FLOW LAB in almost every major city …
At the LAB you can have your aura checked with our energy-work scanner. We also attach the line from a field phone to your privates and we ask you questions … it’s not very comfortable. We call it “evaluating”. Everyone gets evaluated at SEA-FLOW.
If you stay in guy, get those recruits, get them paying? – eventually you get to look at the “glowing chest”. And in that chest are documents and drawings, etchings on stone and steel. It’s a real treat to learn the mythology BEHIND it all … I mean EVERYTHING.
There was once a DARK LORD named ZECTOR …
ZECTOR ruled the 55 SECTORS of the HOWLING TIME – the time when much of the universe howled, no one knows why.
ZECTOR was BIG into FRENCHIES … French bulldogs. He bred them and harvested them for the dungool factories. So many little frenchies went INTO the “Rod Steiger” machine.
No one wanted to buy ZECTOR’s dogs or his stew meat that he sold, in can’s that had Rod Steiger’s face on them …. so Zector grew angry. He ordered his galactic air force to load up the galactic space cruisers with all these jerks, they looked very much like Boeing 737s, and have them frozen and then dropped into volcanoes …
But we’ll be okay, cuz the CASH FLOWS UP …
SEA-FLOW
But …
If you want to surTHRIVE what’s coming?
FLOTEIN GINGOUS-ROOT BULL TESTICLE BEE POLLEN CONCENTRATE …
(only 9000 dollars a pound)
(pennies a day)
A lot of SEA-FLOW customers start with the $200/bottle of FLOWTEIN-9 FORMULA … but others are more ready to take on the joy-hancement and adventure of FLOWTHRAX-MILLED PEAT JUICE for $2,000 a carton … and it’s really just about your comfort level …
“I kept hearing about SEA-FLOW, but then I WAS PART OF it … and my wife left me … but I feel great.” – Actual Sea-Flow Client
SEA-FLOW associates make, on average, $4,000,000 a MONTH … ON AVERAGE!
SEA-FLOW regional VPs get VIP access status at the various GOOB clubs in NYC.
You can take your girl OUT … to the ZOO … show her a good time …
You can meet BIG TIME SHIT HEADS at the SEA-FLOW Celebrity Center …
Hangout with Ron Davolta or Thom Cooz …
