I am LITERALLY HITLER …
I literally invaded Russia and shit, and stole the DIAMONDS and GOLD and BITCOIN and BITCHES …
I stole the virginity of the 9 stelvic-chambermaids …
I built rockets from cocaine drek, and left a mark on HASTINGS STREET as the English funken-folk run and hide from flying debris and swamp tree failures.
I knew …
After I read Mein Kampf in college …
And I said to myself: “this is retarded”
I knew I could LITERALLY BE Hitler …
As LITERALLY HITLER, I have formed a 7 million man army of McPoyles, armed with blades and glades and stars and bars … they carry flamethrowers and grenades … they fly paragliders armed with boxcutter machine guns … literally flying NAZIS …
People say: “Dude, what’s it like being LITERALLY HITLER?”
I tells ya … it’s exciting as FUCK …
Constantly dodging bullets, like NEO in the MATRIX, every sloped rooftop hiding some new danger.
I have organized the 23 lesbian sky navies into ONE UNIFIED FIST, and with that FIST we will penetrate the defenses of the BUSTY QUEEN FESTUS and her WITCH MAIDENS of Cheyenne. After several days of wrestling and scantily clad jungle chases, the LESBIAN SKY NAVIES achieve total orgiastic victory. Literally the way HITLER DID IT.
I remember one time, when I was downtown, LITERALLY acting like HITLER, I met up with the supreme LEADER of IRAN.
We discussed action plans against the DOOB-GERMS of Skinctous, and how we shall defeat them AND their porn star ways. But we acknowledged that even though they LIE about having nuclear weapons, they probably have a few hundred by now … IYKYK
And if that wasn’t bad enough, I LITERALLY invaded Chipotle, and screamed at the server for leaving semen in my taco. Something Hitler would ACKJEWALLY do.
But wait, there’s more …
As LITERALLY HITLER, I have built a TIME DEVICE in 2036.
The TIME BUTTON is the ULTIMATE LITERALLY-HITLER plan …
In the year 2035, using money from PROJECT 2025, I built a Degausser for the general causality field …
Like the button on your CRT back in the day (IYKYK), every time I press the BUTTON the timeline gets its static removed, and electrons aligned …
It’s not a perfect process, and many people poop their pants every time I press that fucking button in 2036 … BUT AS LITERALLY TIME HITLER … I have no choice.
So yeah: Literally Hitler says FUCK YOU … I’m Hitler … literally …
As literally Hitler … it gets lonely …
I have needs, and defiling chambermaids as I conquer RUSSIA is not enough for me … I need love, companionship …
If you are LITERALLY EVA BRAUN? – you can call me … I literally hope you do.
I was thinking about how McPoyle almost whacked the guy …
And if he had been LITERALLY HITLER, he would have used Gewehr 98 … literally what Hitler does when he wants the JOB done right.
TRUMP is NOT literally Hitler – this is an insult to all time-Hitlers …
Trump is LITERALLY a scum bag that maximized DEBT, chapter-11 bankruptcies, some money from his parents, and the crony politics of NY State and New Jersey … that’s literally just a used condom salesman … not literally Hitler … so stop it.
Point is: Trump is a used condom salesman, not literally HITLER …
AS LITERALLY HITLER, I intend to take care of “suburban WHITE WOMEN” first … they are a scourge.
They will be rounded up and made to fight in pits filled with brown gravy and rotten eggs … they will be bound in burlap and feathers, and will wear makeup of axle grease … literally the best IDEA Hitler has had since Barbarossa …
One thing I LITERALLY get sick of? – STAR WARS.
They literally made all the movies they needed to: ep4-6
It’s not my fault that George Lucas doesn’t understand how to count … literally the guy pisses me off.
As TIME HITLER, I will construct a tunnel back to 1976, and take out the whole shebang …
Literally didn’t see that coming, did you?
As LITERALLY HITLER, I can tell ya …
Biden suffers from OLD SCHOOL STAR TREK Hitler disease …
Now this next topic is painful, literally …
There are people who cheat you out of jobs and steal your gold.
There are people who RUN HOLLYWOOD, and the banking system, literally everything.
They provide weapons to both sides in every war …
They steal land and food from the poor.
They DRINK baby’s blood …
They CHEW their cud.
They sell their PORN to the lost and lowly …
We dare NOT utter the name, but we must – if we are JUST.
THE DANISH PROBLEM … literally the worst thing in the world.
THE WORLD CANNOT ABIDE THE DANES … not one.
Of course, LITERALLY BEING HITLER? – I have a plan.
I’ve built an orbital battle station, to fight in the GREAT BATTLE BOX to come …
It’s armed with a PLOTON CANNON that fires bullets of frozen whale semen …
It’s a beam, that shoots its load …
Right into the SEAM, and you know what I MEAN.
“The problem with DENMARK is there are too many DANES …”
PRIMA NOCTA
PRIMA NOCTA
PRIMA NOCTA
And if you say:
“Well shit Hitler, literally Hitler, you’ll just make whale-Dane hybrids …”
And my response:
“Then maybe they’ll crawl back into the dark and ugly sea from which they sprung …”
Literally how Hitler rolls …
One more thing …
I am literally Hitler.
If you think you know what happened on 7/13?
(you’re literally retarded)
As LITERALLY THE HITLER?
It will be MY JOB, MY GREAT WORK … to bring together ALL HITLERS … !!!
There’s Zionist Hitler, obviously – he owes me 5 marks.
There’s black Hitler and Chinese Hitler …
There’s Eskimo Hitler, he’s really cool …
There’s Jamaican Hitler and Mexican Hitler …
Japanese Hitler is our gravitas.
And last, but not least, Filipino Hitler …
Spoiler: he looks like Steve Perry …
It’s my JOB to bring together all racialist Hitlers …
Even SHARK WEEK HITLER is welcome …
(not Karen though)
HOWEVER …
We’ll NEVER FORGET GAY HITLER … ever …
And now the MASTER RACE … the RACE of HITLERS … is born …
