PLANETARY STATUS REPORT!

TTP:

On the way to work this morning … or maybe it was yesterday.

Driving along FRONT STREET in Port Angeles, where the CRAB MONGERS and HOOR WIVES sell boovula beer to the Coast Guard seaman …

There was this dude in a wheel chair with one leg, dragging himself down the road, pointing at himself vigorously and saying something inaudible, but I could sense what he was saying:

“Do me the kindness of running me over.”

His clenched fist, white with tempest pain, just wheeling down to the SHELL … maybe to get a cigarette for a buck from the person working there …

Maybe to buy COLT 45 MALT LIQUOR and some Mentos.

There’s the weird lights over Mt. Klumson, not far from Yulu Peak. Weird rituals have been held up there in recent weeks, busty women between 25 and 45 years of age have been covering themselves in greases and oils and doing the dance of naked supplication to the sky hawk shaman that lives in the mountain pass. Time to panic bro.

I can hear the scream of mollusks and shrimp, their voices ring out in unison for a DANGER DAY where cave men and CHUD and wookie will strike at our hearts and tear out our fears and leave us with no more beer … or love. Shark masters have hired all the rowers from Port Townsend, and the galley herders from Diggston Beach. Many natives are pulling out their dream catchers and walrus snatchers and erecting totem poles to far out banshee killers. No more gaseous leaks from the paper plant, no more piracy from the SS Roog in the harbor.

It’s really time to PANIC … I mean it.

There are a lot of rumors going around about something in the water …

Old Miss Dlimsy got sick a few weeks ago. Such a nice old crone, she’d serve up scones and bacon to all the hobos willing to do some “crawl space” work. Gitzy Simms was checking in on her, and knocked for 10 minutes … no answer. They did one of those welfare check type thingies, and found her dead … body melting from TURG WORMS …

Turg worms have been found in the waters of the Puget Sound and in the rivers and streams. They are very small, impossible to see, but they get into your blood, your marrow, your hair follicles and your hair conditioner … they get in there and they whisper things … tell you to do things … people and dogs start to go missing, and boy you wonder about your bloody hands when you wake up. Were you dreaming? – TIME TO FUCKING PANIC!

Already, there are swarthy jergis henchmen forming up in the town square … calling for BLOOD VENGEANCE and dildo magic …

You can see the smoke from the fires in the distance, as various crap zones fall victim to chaos. Northern generals are arming their conscripts with turnip guns, and handing out bottles of whiskey …

Time to panic.

Joro spiders …

Ukraine taking out Russian early warning radars … fuck …

Bird flu is infecting all the asparagus, this is unnerving …

Papa Blump might go to sexual pervert jail … very sad …

Haitians are still eating each other.

State of Israel is still doing ethnic cleansing.

The US government is still conducting HIGH INTENSITY military psychological warfare against its own people.

… yeah … time to panic …

(long past time)

Balance of Power: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12266

Mass graves: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12222

Simplest thing: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12227

Swiss Cheese: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12231

That exit: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12269

Loud: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12272

Manufactured Emergency: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12335