EARMARKED 4 BAAL! (yay Golden Calf of Greatness)
EARMARK: RNC THEME THIS YEAR – “Golden Calf”
- WAGYU BEEF LADY
- THE WHORE of ONLY FANS
- THE ENDLESS PERSECUTION OF THE PERSECUTED LIFESTYLE STORIES
- THE GOLDEN KING
- HIS FLOCK EARMARKED
A lot of folks accepting earmarks …
Doing curses in groups …
Being led by Pharisees and Satanists.
The Whore of Only Fans sets the mood …
yeah – “family values”
The only difference between the GOP convention and the Democratic Convention? – the Democrats will simply be less elegant in hiding their evil. But it’s still the same SATAN sandwich.
LITERALLY HITLER!
I am LITERALLY HITLER …
I literally invaded Russia and shit, and stole the DIAMONDS and GOLD and BITCOIN and BITCHES …
I stole the virginity of the 9 stelvic-chambermaids …
I built rockets from cocaine drek, and left a mark on HASTINGS STREET as the English funken-folk run and hide from flying debris and swamp tree failures.
I knew …
After I read Mein Kampf in college …
And I said to myself: “this is retarded”
I knew I could LITERALLY BE Hitler …
As LITERALLY HITLER, I have formed a 7 million man army of McPoyles, armed with blades and glades and stars and bars … they carry flamethrowers and grenades … they fly paragliders armed with boxcutter machine guns … literally flying NAZIS …
People say: “Dude, what’s it like being LITERALLY HITLER?”
I tells ya … it’s exciting as FUCK …
Constantly dodging bullets, like NEO in the MATRIX, every sloped rooftop hiding some new danger.
I have organized the 23 lesbian sky navies into ONE UNIFIED FIST, and with that FIST we will penetrate the defenses of the BUSTY QUEEN FESTUS and her WITCH MAIDENS of Cheyenne. After several days of wrestling and scantily clad jungle chases, the LESBIAN SKY NAVIES achieve total orgiastic victory. Literally the way HITLER DID IT.
I remember one time, when I was downtown, LITERALLY acting like HITLER, I met up with the supreme LEADER of IRAN.
We discussed action plans against the DOOB-GERMS of Skinctous, and how we shall defeat them AND their porn star ways. But we acknowledged that even though they LIE about having nuclear weapons, they probably have a few hundred by now … IYKYK
And if that wasn’t bad enough, I LITERALLY invaded Chipotle, and screamed at the server for leaving semen in my taco. Something Hitler would ACKJEWALLY do.
But wait, there’s more …
As LITERALLY HITLER, I have built a TIME DEVICE in 2036.
The TIME BUTTON is the ULTIMATE LITERALLY-HITLER plan …
In the year 2035, using money from PROJECT 2025, I built a Degausser for the general causality field …
Like the button on your CRT back in the day (IYKYK), every time I press the BUTTON the timeline gets its static removed, and electrons aligned …
It’s not a perfect process, and many people poop their pants every time I press that fucking button in 2036 … BUT AS LITERALLY TIME HITLER … I have no choice.
So yeah: Literally Hitler says FUCK YOU … I’m Hitler … literally …
As literally Hitler … it gets lonely …
I have needs, and defiling chambermaids as I conquer RUSSIA is not enough for me … I need love, companionship …
If you are LITERALLY EVA BRAUN? – you can call me … I literally hope you do.
I was thinking about how McPoyle almost whacked the guy …
And if he had been LITERALLY HITLER, he would have used Gewehr 98 … literally what Hitler does when he wants the JOB done right.
TRUMP is NOT literally Hitler – this is an insult to all time-Hitlers …
Trump is LITERALLY a scum bag that maximized DEBT, chapter-11 bankruptcies, some money from his parents, and the crony politics of NY State and New Jersey … that’s literally just a used condom salesman … not literally Hitler … so stop it.
Point is: Trump is a used condom salesman, not literally HITLER …
AS LITERALLY HITLER, I intend to take care of “suburban WHITE WOMEN” first … they are a scourge.
They will be rounded up and made to fight in pits filled with brown gravy and rotten eggs … they will be bound in burlap and feathers, and will wear makeup of axle grease … literally the best IDEA Hitler has had since Barbarossa …
One thing I LITERALLY get sick of? – STAR WARS.
They literally made all the movies they needed to: ep4-6
It’s not my fault that George Lucas doesn’t understand how to count … literally the guy pisses me off.
As TIME HITLER, I will construct a tunnel back to 1976, and take out the whole shebang …
Literally didn’t see that coming, did you?
As LITERALLY HITLER, I can tell ya …
Biden suffers from OLD SCHOOL STAR TREK Hitler disease …
Now this next topic is painful, literally …
There are people who cheat you out of jobs and steal your gold.
There are people who RUN HOLLYWOOD, and the banking system, literally everything.
They provide weapons to both sides in every war …
They steal land and food from the poor.
They DRINK baby’s blood …
They CHEW their cud.
They sell their PORN to the lost and lowly …
We dare NOT utter the name, but we must – if we are JUST.
THE DANISH PROBLEM … literally the worst thing in the world.
THE WORLD CANNOT ABIDE THE DANES … not one.
Of course, LITERALLY BEING HITLER? – I have a plan.
I’ve built an orbital battle station, to fight in the GREAT BATTLE BOX to come …
It’s armed with a PLOTON CANNON that fires bullets of frozen whale semen …
It’s a beam, that shoots its load …
Right into the SEAM, and you know what I MEAN.
“The problem with DENMARK is there are too many DANES …”
PRIMA NOCTA
PRIMA NOCTA
PRIMA NOCTA
And if you say:
“Well shit Hitler, literally Hitler, you’ll just make whale-Dane hybrids …”
And my response:
“Then maybe they’ll crawl back into the dark and ugly sea from which they sprung …”
Literally how Hitler rolls …
One more thing …
I am literally Hitler.
If you think you know what happened on 7/13?
(you’re literally retarded)
As LITERALLY THE HITLER?
It will be MY JOB, MY GREAT WORK … to bring together ALL HITLERS … !!!
There’s Zionist Hitler, obviously – he owes me 5 marks.
There’s black Hitler and Chinese Hitler …
There’s Eskimo Hitler, he’s really cool …
There’s Jamaican Hitler and Mexican Hitler …
Japanese Hitler is our gravitas.
And last, but not least, Filipino Hitler …
Spoiler: he looks like Steve Perry …
It’s my JOB to bring together all racialist Hitlers …
Even SHARK WEEK HITLER is welcome …
(not Karen though)
HOWEVER …
We’ll NEVER FORGET GAY HITLER … ever …
And now the MASTER RACE … the RACE of HITLERS … is born …
PENNY Dreadful
MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240717_Penny_Dreadful.mp3
Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles
This week’s winners: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12652
IWO JIMA: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12660
The Ultimate Weapon: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12646
Your coping: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12644
Don’t trust the media: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12641
The attempted assassination of Blump: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12634
Confession of Dan: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12626
Leisure suit Larry: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12624
DB Cooper: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12673
Cannibal pain: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12622
10K Clock: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12618
Burn them all down: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12667
Stages of Communism: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12670
Cycle of Disappointment: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=12682
Voting and Disappointment …
“The American system of elections is a cycle of disappointment.” – Dr. Freckles
It really is like Christmas for a lot of people …
You get a couple months of EVENTS …
Then you get together with friends before and AFTER you “vote” …
Some people are immediately disappointed the day of the election.
Everyone is mostly disappointed a year later.
(then they tell you that it can be “fixed” … if you vote again)
Just like Christmas and Santa. Not for adults.
MYSTERY MAN (Tyler Labine)
“We know more about DB Cooper than we know about JD Vance.” – Dr. Freckles
STAGES of COMMUNISM …
Stages of Communism:
Stage 1, BUSY BODY HOA: why can’t my neighbors stop playing loud music? – I could talk with them, but instead I’m forming a Klungit-gang.
Stage 2, MINARCHISM: FUCK if only we had a tiny KING to keep us safe.
Stage 3, VOTING: WE CAN VOTE FOR KINGS …
Stage 4, NEO-STALINIST HELLHOLE: fuck
Stage 5, COLLAPSE …
Burn them all down …
“If you burnt down every public school in America, IQs and self-esteem would increase in a non-linear fashion.” – Dr. Freckles
That IWO JIMA shot …
This week’s winners …
THIS WEEK’S PSYOP WINNERS:
- Israel
- Bitcoin
- McPoyles
- Hillbillies …
- voting
THE ULTIMATE WEAPON
The ULTIMATE WEAPON:
- an army of cloned McPoyles …
- the McPoyle army exhales Novichok from Putin’s farm
- the McPoyle army poops polonium from Putin’s farm
- each McPoyle has written a memoir about being a “Hillbilly” …
- flying paragliders, “Fireman Died” printed on the wing …
- paragliders capable of landing on SLOPED ROOFS …
- with cameras that take pictures of magical bullets
- infected with COVID
- with armor made from US passports
- firing a gun that shoots box cutters
- carrying “barrel bombs” filled with magical 9/11 aviation fuel
- fully vaccinated
- upon victory, all the paragliding McPoyles coalesce into a PUNK GROUP SHOT of the IWO JIMA flag raising …
You can accept the core narrative of 7/13/24 and the penny dreadful in Pennsylvania. But you have to also accept the consequences of believing this bullshit. That the US government is so broken that a McPoyle was critical in a CIA plot. Or, worse, that any random McPoyle could do this. In either case, it means collapse.
Your coping …
“Fun fact: your coping is killing you faster than drinking is killing me.” – Dr. Freckles
Don’t trust the media … unless …
“Don’t trust the media, unless it makes you feel better about reality.” – Dr. Freckles
MAGA-FLOW (from #SEAFLOW)
THE ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION … of Blump …
Nothing about yesterday adds up – even if you think part of the prank was having a bullet whizz by Trump’s head …
Me? – I simply don’t trust the sources of information that would allow me to judge.
As a Sovietologist? – I am simply asking THIS QUESTION
WHY ARE THEY SHOWING ME THIS?
(that’s the question)
Here’s my NICEST limited hangout TAKE from yesterday’s Penny Dreadful nonsense:
We are winning the WAR against the MACHINES …
THE CONFESSION of DAN SULLIVAN …
If they ask WHY I DID IT?
… tell’em it was a SNICKERS BAR …
Fun fact about me: I’ve BEEN to PENNSYLVANIA … (it ain’t no picnic …)
I was working on my spider egg farm when a couple ladies, dressed in gray flannel, came up to my camper to talk about SEA-FLOW.
“We were wondering if WE could benefit from spider egg nutrients?”, the blonde said, as she massaged her boovula through her classy skirt. She had a case, what looked like a rifle case, and inside was a PLOTON GUN that fired WHALE JIZZ at 34% the speed of 12 million flamingoes … this was getting interesting.
“We will let you rub squirrel oil on our breasts as we ungunjoolate our boovulas, with only underwear on, and you can do a bunch of cocaine … BUT … you need to do this thing …”
And we talked about the THING: schedules and linkups and meetings and midnight phone calls over pay phones … burners and churners … it was LIT. We put on Golden Earring’s Twilight Zone, and that’s when the brunette with the really BIG JUGS unleased them and the coke they had … and then it got crazy …
Leisure Suit Larry …
“Leisure Suit Larry is now Geezer Shirt Garry, and Pitfall Pete was eaten by hippos.” – Dr. Freckles
Cannibal Pain
“The first time humans eat humans, you will see a teardrop. The second time you’ll just see BBQ sauce.” – Dr. Freckles
10K CLOCK (and other Times of Noah bullshit)
SPOILER ALERT: it won’t last 10,000 years …
