Category: Planetary Status Reports

On this date in 1233, the MORGUS THRONG was defeated by General Zod of the 8th Dlimbli Army of hedonic zeitgeist … and Queen Morbly released her boobies before the crowds, in symbolic supplication to the destinies of broken hound folk …

Yergis, the frog-greaver, took the castle near the SUN and made corn bread sausage for Captain Quint.

July 4, 1233

Today is the day we remember, when on July 4, 1876, Doctor Klebins of Boogs, Mississippi, built the worlds first microwave snack dinner. Half the town were burned by radiation and the rest were hunted by mutant alligators and other Louisiana style trash.

Heeptous, of Southern Alabama, declared all swamp zones to be of WOO-POISON and under the sway of Kentucky style stripper-witches … all of whom were high on KRANK.

And they were heroes … July 4, 1876.

On this date, so long ago, July 4, 1954, Pumpkin Head rose up from the Bikini Atoll Test Site to kill and ravage nuclear hookers in sector-7.

On this date the MINUTE MEN invented MINUTE RICE and gave millions diabetes …

On this DATE, the GREAT PRINCESS MARGUERITE led the scrumbly English fleet to a great defeat during the 3rd Pig War: Pigaggedon …

On this date, July 4, in the year 989 AD, Sister Boona of the Wallslyan Cloister of outer BUSTY, was ungunjoolating herself in the sacred baths of Tlam, when she discovered the healing power of SEA-FLOW … a husky and dusky and swarthy young heebdous-herder, named DEEBOUS, shirtless and sweaty, transferred his tig-oil into her boovula …

And they were all heroes.