Category: Planetary Status Reports

I’m gonna start rhoiding out … taking HGH and other stale intoxicants that will reshape my midsection and lead to GREATER LIVES through science …

I’m gonna start eating vegetables, and clean fresh mountain sprites. I’ll live off of the dirt magnets and steal the spark from Chem, the gardener. I’d see my six pack abs breakout, ass a woman’s boovula bursts like a blood blister. And ain’t NOBODY gonna stop me, ain’t no one gonna care.

I’m gonna start time traveling again. I’ll go back to 1833 and make love to Duchess Shiva, as I ingroobulate her boovula and stroke her strinct. Clever forgers will make me guardian fists and glowing gauntlets, and I’ll have the eel pie after the old lady dies.

I’m gonna, dude.

I’m gonna find my kids. I got kids sprayed all over S. Korea, and Indiana, and Tennessee, and WA state.

I’ve got so many kids all over the place, stuck to walls, dried on to some bit of paper towel, or old sock.

My kids scream in the night for their papa, for their COZY LAND.

I’m gonna WIN BIG.

I’ll head to WALL STREET and open up a trading account with Block and Streakly. I’ll trade pork bellies for lemon juice, I’ll do a smoothie arbitrage as I drink my Orange Julius and marvel at my brand new suit.

Next year my underwear model wife will love me.

I’m gonna become a pirate.

My air ship dirigible will patrol the skies in search of easy prey. I’ll grab an 747 filled with fat boomers headed to VEGAS, and chop up their gold teeth, and toss the fregen-droogs from that commie altitude understood by Pinochet.

Eat their steak!

I’m gonna get abducted by ALIENS …

I’ll camp out at SKIN WALKER RANCH and summon CHARLO the REGAL SPUNK and await my reaming. They’ll come down in laser ships, armed with wharf bundles and hammer sklid.

Those aliens will anally rape me, for hours, and then wipe my memory.

I’m gonna heal the black community.

I’m gonna get on in there with my WHITE GINGER WAYS and teach them celtic love magic. I’ll caress the true hearts of African American power, and bring greater joy to Wakana and S. Chicago.

The street warriors will bow to me as HAG LORD RULER!