Category: Planetary Status Reports

Posted on

I HELP NO ONE

I help no one.

Almost no one would care.

There is nothing I can do for you.

You were damned at birth.

Your life will flip upside down and you will watch your castles of sand destroyed.

Your world will dissolve into pig urine.

Your mind is a disgraceful HOOKER mud palace.

Posted on

FEAR and FOCUS

“Fear gets POWER through FOCUS.” – Dr. Freckles

What does this mean?

Does this mean IGNORE your fear? – no …

But once you realize it is not a valid fear? – you should drop it.

(not propagate, over and over again, on social media)

(because you give it new power when you do)

Posted on

STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …

I’m raising money to make this movie, starring Stephen Baldwin, and I figure I need at least $5,000 to pay him … maybe 10.

It’s a movie about a dude that finds a time machine in his backyard, left there by aliens eons ago, and he decides to travel through time and kill random people …

The movie is called TIME SHREDDER …

It’s big … HUGE.

His name will be YARD COOLIDGE and he’ll have a hooker girlfriend named Tina. They start making love after they arrive in the time of the ANCIENT GREEKS and then become the overlords of time zone JELLY …

This movie will make BANK at the box office …

PG13 rating …

I’m gonna make this other movie, STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …

It will be about some rogue comet heading towards the EARTH, and it’s OUT OF CONTROL and NOTHING CAN BE DONE … but REX STAR BLASTER (Stephen Baldwin) can save the day …

REX has a suit of cobalt-platinum-steel and a sidekick named Neil …

REX flies a rocket ship into outer space and uses his NEUTRONIC BEAM to split the comet into two smaller pieces … so that these pieces can be deflected using a tractor beam thingy …

AND I JUST NEED 6 MILLION DOLLARS TO MAKE THIS MOVIE … big.

We’ll get SHANNON TWEED to CO STAR … she’s old though … is she alive?

Maybe we’ll get that brunette ho-bag from the ATT commercials, the one with the BIG JUGGS …

But we’re still short funds.

I’ve got this other IDEA for a HUGE SERIES on NETFLIX, also STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …

Stephen plays a traveling minstrel and story teller in faerie tale times …

He wanders around small villages, playing songs and making people laugh …

But he also steals OLD PEOPLE and CHOPS THEM UP and PLACES THEM IN A GRINDER powered by a water wheel … it’s bad …

We think we can shoot the whole thing in Slovakia … use porn stars for the cast.

But we need some MONEY … now.

We were thinking about this project …

A BIG PROJECT …

A MOVIE ABOUT TRAVELING to MARS!

STARRING: STEPHEN BALDWIN

He’s gonna have a BIG PART – “Captain Hellstrom” of the ASTRONAUTICAL SOCIETY …

They’ve lost contact with their base on MARS …

Hellstrom is being sent there to FIND OUT what went wrong, what happened …

His sexy love interest, “Commander Leslie”, might be played by some washed up actress … maybe Sandra Bullock … maybe Zellweger …

Here are some other ideas:

  1. “Island Passion”: the story of a washed up sea captain that falls in love with a native in Tasmania …
  2. “CUBA DEBACLE”: Stephen plays a spy, on the run, being chased by all sides, not knowing WHY till it’s too late …
  3. “MISSILE ALERT”: the story of a team of eco-terrorists taking over a US missile complex, and Stephen Baldwin plays the janitor that saves the day …

A lot of cool projects …

STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …