"GRAVY FOR YOUR BRAIN!" – Conspiracy Theory (1997)
“Florida is going to make Beirut look like Aspen.” – Dr. Freckles
We will devolve into what future creatures will call “sofa apes” … they will analyze the grease deposits we left in the polyurethane fluff from farting …
“shitty sofa apes” – is what the dog-race will say.
Nothing about the “anti-banker Libertarian wins in Argentina” story seems legit to me – it’s too cartoonish. Plus – the guy seems to have a hardon for Israel …
And then there’s that story from the Army years ago …
But I really don’t want to be talking about this.
“The actual scientific method is USEFUL … Worshiping science, or its necessarily temporary truths, is crazy.” – Dr. Freckles
“Gandalf was a traveling grifter, Princess Leia sent out PHISHING TRAPS and SPAM: which one was worse?” – Dr. Freckles
I’m sure a LOT of old drunk Jedi got Princess Leia’s “you’re my only hope” form letter …
(a lot of them pressed delete immediately)
(press DELETE BILBO – blow that grifter mother fucker away!)
Ginger children are the most hated.
All cultures have stories of roasting ginger kids, when they are born – or tossing them out into the woods, to be eaten, or befriended, by wolves … usually eaten.
Ginger bread houses come from the Middle Ages, when the Vatican sanctioned multiple crusades against ginger kids.
They would build a house of dry straw and wood, and put the ginger kids in it … and set it on fire …
They loved doing this around the holidays.
The AZTECS NEVER SACRIFICED VIRGINS …
ARE YOU MAD? – you don’t waste that …
No – they would take all ginger kids born that year, and cover them in skeel-wax and bat entrails and lead them up to the sacrificial altar where the elders would each take turns stabbing the kids.
You know WHY they killed JFK?
(ginger)
If you must eat human, ginger flesh is considered the most succulent and tasty.
“Bryt syde: smort duvises hav set bak ingliszh bye forr huundrid yrs, n dats kewl.” – Dr. Freckles
“MARK MY WORDS, FULL STOP is my new TLDR.” – Dr. Freckles
“Rubbing a woman’s inner thigh is like rubbing Aladdin’s Lamp.” – Dr. Freckles
I’m gonna start raising coyote/raccoon hybrids … it’s gonna be the NEXT big pet … except for the weird Ecuadorian parasites they will carry and their minds being filled with ball bearings.
Coycoon or Raccote … any name suggestions are welcome.
I need to plant hoil-beetles, and harvest the nutt juice from cactus-hawks. My women will massage their boobies as they plant corn in their nunya-pit. I can see myself riding a brown horse of enormous size, and packing a 12 gauge hand-cannon called “Nectar of Peet”. Sure, I might get stuck in my own power-hassle, but my love-cadre will give me spunk-clans and other rort-cream.
“Do stupid SHIT long enough, it will probably kill you. Also, humans do stupid shit – get over it, try to do it in moderation.” – Dr. Freckles