Day: March 26, 2023

Posted on

The doctor said …

The doctor said my herpes cleared up …

The doctor said my herpes and my syphilis and my weird Vietnamese butt crabs are all doing great …

But there were deeper problems, and a strange healthcare adventure was afoot …

My doctor recommended I drink DRANO and huff paint fumes and spend time at the dry cleaners. I shoved an ostrich egg up my butt and then performed a complete enema using isopropyl alcohol and red pepper and A1 sauce. I spent several hours cutting away the miscus from my tredic-zone, and then draining my foob-orbs into the bottles my doctor gave me. And then they did day surgery on my anus, and now my herpes is fine.

The doctor said I should eat more vegetables, clean water and some kind of free-range beef they have in Wyoming. He said I needed to buy fluoride tablets because my levels were low, and he recommended a draining of my clevic zone and some minor brain surgery. He has this new drug, HODOROL, and it helps you when you get sad about stuff. You drop an H and you can do ANYTHING … nobody stops you. You won’t ask questions about the dead hookers behind the bar, you’ll just DRINK YOUR DRINK and go have a good old time. And that way my cholesterol goes down …

My doctor, Dr. Grunkis, has recommended total refurbishing. He runs a clinic in Little Saigon, Seattle, around midnight on Thursdays. He does his work in a nasty old alley where the rats stand watch between eating Japanese EMO twinks. He has modeling knives and vodka and fishing line and a needle, and he gets it done. He knocks you out with a lead pipe, and you just sit there, concussed, as he cuts into your belly and pulls out all your insides and replaces it with metal shavings and sawdust and broken glass and sand.

I’m trying to get my reebus-zone irrigated. My doctor, Dr. Mavis, refuses to jam rebar “up there” – but you have to … if you want to get well. I keep trying to gauge out that monstrous thing, stuck up there, and cutting into me, but nothing works. Dr. Mavis tried a hamster, and that hamster is stuck up there now, biting. Next? – some weird drill, and it got me bloody and sore and messed up, but that won’t work. We’ll try X-RAY beam surgery, shooting me up with 13,000 rads of power, growing my testicles with tumors, and that way I’m ready for my big date with Sheila.

There’s this shes-striss nurse that works for Dr. Grunkis – Hanala. Hanala does most of the leech and bat work, she manages the supplies of pulverized concrete and dirty pennies. She has really bad STDs, all of them, and sometimes her genital crabs will crawl from her boovula into your open wound as surgery is ongoing, and those damn things lay eggs. She does a lot of meth and crack and coke and this helps her as a nurse. She helps the doctor dispose of old cat innards and the potato rinds.

I take 3 pills for the pain in my solstice zone. I take 5 pills for my junk and my junk issues. I take 2 pills for my heart muscle deterioration. I go into a hyperbaric chamber and lose myself in troubled bliss. I have this Korean massage artist that pulls on my man tube and screams “YEE HAW”, she kicks me in the stomach, she pees on my head, she dumps cigarette butts on me, I pay her $300 for the experience. I take a substance called NINGO-WHITE that cleans out your Ulick-barrens and leave you smelling fresh and clean. My doctor, Dr. Grunkis, orders me to drink 6 fifths of whiskey every 24 hours … if I stop, I die … that’s the shit he tells me, and I thank GOD for it.

Everyone over 50 should get an anal probe …

Everyone over 50 should have a telescopic device inserted into their butthole and allow some greasy doctor to traverse their inner blincktus zone …

Dr. Grunkis has a mechanic’s helper adjustable armature camera that he wraps in plastic wrap and then covers in sexual lubricant. He bought this cheap ass software to interface with it, code written in Russia. As he inserts his street-style colonoscopy device, the entire region, vista, reveals itself … so darkly whimsical to see what’s going on in my butt hole.

We saw great valleys flowing with brown rivers of glory …

We saw herds of gutt buffalo and shit-gators and tummy-roaches, all living in peace in this weird land …

We journeyed deep into those dark corners of my digestive tract, and felt the deep shame of seeing stuck pieces of meat or metal shavings or tumors …

The tumors were easy for Dr. Grunkis, he just used a fisherman’s pinch tool and would just snip off the tumor, cauterizing the wound with a hand-held cooking/brazing torch with an extender. He used these carpenter’s vices to hold open or SPREAD my butthole, and then he just went way up in there with that damn torch …

After several hours of removing dark, diseased, flesh from my butt crack, Dr. Grunkis sewed up some leakage shafts and sealed my butthole up with gorilla glue …

He sent me home, it was a long walk back to Utah …

I spent many hours contemplating my health and wondering about what problems lurked inside …

And I was reminded, in the scream of some far off she-wolf …

“Your body is NOT a temple, your body is a junkyard.” – Dr. Freckles

[curated: 3/27/2023]

Posted on

Heroes …

“None of us are heroes, we don’t live in THAT world right now.” – Dr. Freckles

A lot of us are doing what we need to do, to get by. A lot of us are stretching our principles, because we need to exist. It’s not a question of “right or wrong” at this point: it is survival or death

[curated: 3/28/2023]

Posted on

WAR ORDERS

[Decoded/deciphered war-orders/WARNORDS from the year 2027 … possibly 2037 … these bastards have no hope and their only peace lay in the blood soot that covers the land and their dank beds filled with viscera, garlic salt and gunpowder …]

Sector 9 war-hawks need to get ready, General PAZ has declared the Wii-whonk People to be cursed and “filled with daisy-brine and scrimbo and there ain’t no reasoning with them, because Lord JIB owns their souls …” And the other naval forces of Commodore Shix should moor soon.

XUN-STYLE KILL-KILL-44 robots are being dispatched to Quadrant-33ROMEO. WE have word that the Rampagers are taking out 7/11 stores there and marching on Popeye’s to steal some crispy chicken sandwiches. Gunga-Roo, the ape-lord of the city-tramps is declaring Region-Charlie to be “BROWN LAND” and only for those folks who have brownish or yellowish or off-white skin. Black people are welcome, gingers are shot on sight. Nuclear armed recoilless guns are being mounted on Ministry Street Baptist Church, Pastor Claig is declaring his hood “total OG controlled”. Please, move the Gronkis Lords to the eastern palisades, to stand off against the skunk hordes.

The Empress of VEGAS has asked that each family give up one son and one daughter to the Everlasting Kingdom of Money and SHIT or EKMS. The EKMS controls most of NEVADA now, and is beginning to mine uranium for their bomb program. We need to move the 56th Hooker Rifle Regiment to the outskirts of Parumph, keeping 3 companies in reserve to take the prostitute-zone near the Palms Casino, across the street from the Denny’s. Tyg, the STREET-WARRIOR, has been ordered to link up with 82nd Airborne urban-patrols and to see if they can’t get a handle on Old Levi’s cocaine stockpile. All of this must be complete by June 6th, no later than the 13th.

There is reason to believe that the busty lesbian navy of Denstraa, is moving south from the pole. Her current stripper-pole position, near the north pole, is no longer tenable – Marshal Vedko has nearly closed his pincer around her ground support forces near Greenland. Javis, the gonzo-guerrilla, has declared his willingness to relieve Denstraa, but her women are too proud to let some man save them. Admiral Brestuss, Queen of the Seas, has declared her submarine navy at the ready and in support of Denstraa, they plan on an invasion of Africa in 3 months, if they can gain the support of the Bantu shock troops under General Liza Zulu Zuloop-Kwanzaa. All of this is a dangerous gambit, and the Asian lady-boys weren’t likely to give up their shops in Capetown.

Throat-ass warrior klansmen are forming on our WESTERN FRONTIER. They have joined forces with the MEXICAN COWBOYS of Juarez, and this only presents greater difficulties for DUKE KLEV of Houston. Texas Airborne Rangers need to choice their focus of effort from S’compton to Grinken Town. Jizz-King Gordon and his Starlight Team will begin mining the harbors of San Plabos and Tristan Reach. Jorp style burger outlets have been found to serve meat with broken glass in it – please stay away.

KILL YOUR SOUL BRAIN and enliven yourself with mega-hydrazine imagination. Your neutron bombs are special, and your hopefulness is in full release. See as the Kustin Realm bends before you and the lost mermaid women of S’lym seek your man dust. Nothing compares to this, amirite?

Plasma rifles are now authorized on the sklib-shrimp. Zone-3 mutants can use the flame thrower now, but only for the extermination of dingus-swine and helconn-troopers. BEWARE the hookers of Quadrant-22, they have skeel-crabs and jervis-8-herpes, many of these hookers are high on k-smack and carry knives covered in their own shit. MAJ Henda controls all the blocks north of the abandoned library, where all those books remain untouched and unthreatened. Take time to CLEAN YOUR JUNK this week, time comes, you might need your junk, to make babies, to enjoy your time off. Handle your grenades with care, the new KU-877 grenade is a popping fragmentation FUCK YOU grenade … you pull the pin on that fucker, and toss it, and it starts bouncing and then when it explodes, several bouncing bombs bounce out … and the shrapnel is made of tiny needles, covered in roach-dung.

80 cm electro-magnetic hyper guns are to be constructed near D’orozia. Each of these 10 guns fire a specially designed EMF accelerated hypersonic projectile, capable of making adjustments to flight. Time to target, at 2,000 miles, awas 30 seconds from firing, 45 seconds from target detection. Each gun could fire a one half ton projectile every 4 minutes – this accounted for rail/gun cooling and capacitor re-charge. This base will house a Von Neumann style self-replicating factory that as a byproduct produced a 10 gun battle emplacement, and more factories, amirite? WE WILL break the back of the illustrious lesbian harlot forces of Gustelza Merangue and her scantily clad army of busty grease style mud wrestling strumbly-types. Through these actions, the war is WON!

SHRINK WRAP your FIRE PISTOL – because starlight comes, and the wandering minstrels are drunk off of cheap petrol. The GHOST of ROMMEL chases our armies across Nevada. That desert fox is unwilling to give ground, despite the torment of a fire dance never ending. He’s converting TOYOTA COROLLAS into medium machine gun vehicles, and then painting them red so that the land will give up its dead. 9 native tribes have joined with him, and have declared an oath of blood vengeance. Now the game begins …

The newer vacuum dirigibles, operating between 20 and 30 miles above the surface of the Earth, were powered by kick-up plasma/ion drives, capable of solar powered recharge from ambient water vapor at lower altitudes or by picking up sea-water at surface. The onboard radioactive decay batteries powered both the main engine and the rapid firing titanium vapor plasma cannon. These cannon could fire a projectile of super-heated plasmatic titanium atoms at 10% the speed of light. We hope to finish construction of 5 of these sky-noughts by end of 2029. Perhaps the busty sky navies of lesbians will be in charge, till then, but our ships are coming, and it’s gonna be nasty.

CAPTAIN KESTOR needs reinforcements on the MOON. His troops are tired, and bored, and irradiated. Micro-meteorites are burning holes through their main barracks and fort, radiation from the Moon’s surface is leaking in and making the men sick. No one from the Southern Coalition of General Xi-Kum appears to be attacking, so they ask “why are we here?”, as they slowly die of radiation poisoning. Soldiers take turns lancing each other’s butt boils and anal scruggs. Much of the weaponry uses a simple alcoholic coolant which the Moon soldiers are breaking into and drinking and in many cases going MOON BLIND. And the MOON BLIND troops are cast out to the outer-zone of the Moon, where the shit merchants sell scuzz oil and the morning glory mommas burn incense for the SKY HAWK SHAMAN.

KANGAROO MEAT is on sale at the commissary. Your local food-officer can give you a ticket for 3 pounds of this succulent meat. Cane rat is still in reserve, keeping the gumptick folk fed, keeping them in line. Everyone gets a protein cube, in celebration of our victory over Lord TARR of London. His people weep and wail as we eat their steak and drink their scubb-ale. Very soon: coyote will be available on pizza.

Histor-trained and ready for a woodland adventure, the 3RD WOOKIE ARMY formed up to attack WA DC. They would surround the hooker-forces of the Senate and set fire to the Capitol once all their winky-dink artillery are in place. General Chestor would say “those damn things!”

Wookie navies are branching out beyond the Gulf of Alaska, and considering the invasion of Van Couver Island – where Canadian CHEESE FORCES held Fort Drimble and were willing to fight back “against those damnable furry monsters”, or so said Admiral Uranidies of the Canadian Royal Anal Naval Expeditionary Forces … THIS WAS BIG.

SHARK ZOMBIES HAVE BEEN SPOTTED NEAR THE OUTER WALL! Do not approach Shark Zombies. They are unkempt and angry and feed on human failure and regret. If your eyes are puffy and red? – they’ll send a laser beam straight to your heart muscle and cause a myocardial infarct for MI or cardiac event YOU FUCKING SHIT HEAD. The zombie sharks now control most of the Texas and parts of Mexico, they deal in baroolian-eel sauce and synthetic OTC cocaine like substitutes. Mormon forces under the control of “Big Ed” have formed an alliance with the shark zombies, so this is CRAZY.

Be on the lookout for tired old men whose minds are bent and whose bodies are broken.

Be on the lookout for skank bitches from S’COMPTON! They are armed with bats, they love to kill and they love to have sex …

Be on the lookout for stomach parasites the size of your hand, they burrow out of your butt hole, they simply want to be heard …

Be on the lookout for sideways cronies, selling urine wine and spending their days in the gutter. Warrior types from S’tovar are hunting scazz-hootch and stryg-butt. Your whores are no longer safe. Be on the lookout for runaway whores and their dogs on chains. No one is spared.

Make yourself hard …

Make your children hard …

Drink the diesel fuel, eat the coyote …

Breed gators, in your basement …

Build rocket launchers, filled with HATE.

Construct a wall around your inner child, and keep empathy hidden from your 89 wives.

For you are lost.

[curated: 3/26/2023]