“I watch official NASA films or photos or space movies from Hollywood or space documentaries in the same equal spirit of some Hobbit movie.” – Dr. Freckles
All horror films …
“All horror films are secretly about getting women pregnant.” – Dr. Freckles
Mental health tip …
“Mental health tip: don’t take mental health advice from random mother fuckers on social media.” – Dr. Freckles
WW3 …
“WW3 will make WW2 seem like WW1.” – Dr. Freckles
Daylight Savings Time
Nothing is being saved.
They fuck with your clock and create pain.
You think you get an “hour back” – but this is a lie too.
Because of DST? – 4 million squirrels go hungry.
The next time some woman tells me “I have a yeast infection”, I’ll say:
“Hold my beer”
(because I need to get my sample kit)
blame daylight savings time
The company motto for BOOVULA BREWERY?
“Send us your yeast infection, we’ll send you some beer.”
damn this daylight savings time
I need to start collecting hooker greases for my new company.
Daylight savings man …
“Jack Frost roasting on an open fire,
chestnuts biting off my toes.”
(some real Christmas spirit bullshit)
Because of Daylight Savings Time …
I’m behind on podcasts, but I have some kick ass notes. And maybe I wake up in the morning, early, and eat scribbles, and ungudgoolate myself, while de-groomulating my splinctus.
I am your muskrat hunter, my love.
Hoi polloi …
“Hoi polloi is ancient Greek for garbage people.” – Dr. Freckles
Pick Up Lines …
“Baby, wanna sample my cheese whiz?”
“Oh, Colby Jack …”
“I really love your tits and ass …”
“Oh My Colby … stop”
I’m going to go to a bar, next Friday, and walk up to some woman and say “baby, wanna sample my steak sauce?”
And she’ll say “sure”, and we’ll make love in the bathroom at the CHEVRON.
Colby Jack?
He’s got a 9 inch cock and knows how to use hit …
He massages a woman’s happy-zone so she squeeze out some squish-juice and your pushing it up inside, eh, Colby …
And after? – he buys her boob oils.
When I find my woman on the bed?
All greasy and ready and pouting with her tucked lower lips?
And her valley is on fire?
I press my minktus-pipe up to her, and whisper c# API commands into her ear, and then she turns on … literally … because I bought her, a sex doll, from a Korean dude.
Pickup Line:
“Hey baby … wanna give me a hand job in your car so I can blow my load … I don’t have a car … nice tooth, btw.”
Pickup line:
“a woman’s flower is a petal mystery”
I say this to you and your legs split open and your arms grow limp, as I slam my pork sword into your egg-hole. And we fall in love and get married at Shakey’s …
MR CRAB APPLE
Mr. Crab apple lives in the woods, never up to anything good. He streaks at night, in the glimmer of the Moon, and nigh too soon the sun rises to mock his banditry.
Playing pretend …
“Everyone gets to play pretend, when the show is at its end.” – Dr. Freckles
Noodle, noodle, yankee doodle …
I was at the WALMART, and this dude, in some sort of hypno state, was muttering:
“noodle, noodle,
yankee doodle,
drop that bomb,
on Old Saddam”
It sounded like it, truly he was at ramming speed with his shopping cart and I just got out of his insane way and didn’t take notes.
But folks: it’s getting crazier out there
The dude at WALMART …
He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad … he was crazy.