PLANETARY STATUS REPORT!

I could be STAR CAPTAIN KRIZ …

I could be the TRIDENT LEADER of the LAST STAR FLEET of GORGIZ-TRULL; our forces are being chased by the evil lesbian galaxy beastress – Wodanda. Her body vibrates with the joy of combat, and she seeks the grease-energy of swampy-love and female inmates, scantily clad, escaping from some misogynistic prison in the Everglades.

Her main forces are rendezvousing near TIGRIS-PRIME, where the squid-merchants sell blue-spice to the tiglin-slaves and whores. They carry shaft-swords and pingo-guns, they rant and rave and scale the walls – using super powers and suction … if you know what I mean. I could battle her, and defeat her, and maybe marry her … except she’s lesbian.

I might find my true love on the planet EER, where NAZI salamander armies wage war with the frog people. And no one knows why, and no one cares; for caring is for the weak stones, and the gravel.

We could move our last platoon to the edge of nowhere, the event horizon of meaningless plunder.

My ship would use old style fission drives, and our workers would manually adjust the control rods – and sometimes things go wrong … and that’s why we have space … to dump bodies.

Sure, our craft, the “ZEEBRAMO”, moves at a fast clip, but them there lesbian ships are faster.

Lesbian star ships have access to pure splizz-oil. It is the lubricant of hyper-light travel. Some say, with pure splizz, you can reach 77 times the speed of light – and along the way, you get a happy ending.

Sure – it could be lies, but if I were STAR CAPTAIN KRIZ, I’d know …

They’d sing songs of Captain Kriz …

They’d sing of my victories over the Pirates of Glym.

They’d sing of my heroic efforts saving the goobie people of Dlob-33.

Yes – they’d sing songs of amazingness and cool time fun.

If I were CAPTAIN KRIZ!

If I were STAR CAPTAIN KRIZ? – I’d settle worlds in region-43ZED, and find myself embroiled in the conflicts of the 4^th SKLEBEN WAR. They’d holler mean things at me, and kick me in the nads, and set fire to my spaceship; this was the price of being a VORG-MINION. I could have left the caste and cast my line deep into the dark of the galaxy, but my rod was soft and my heart enlarged.

And maybe WODANDA’S friend DURILLA, the BOOB-QUEEN, is interested in me. And we end up having babies … and they carry on the journey.

What if WW2 became a time war … and the dilated NOW goes back 100 years now …

And they are still fighting WW2.