THERE ARE …

There are 8 paths to Eagles style love making. You’re driving your Maserati up the coast from Frincton, CA. You stop at Dooglie’s cone shop, where your woman tells you she’s PREGNANT – and, bonus, “it’s your brother’s”. You leave her there, to contemplate FROOG-STYLE sundae cones, as you drive faster up that coast highway, till the mugshot women find you, dried out and desperate, not far from San Diego – and your cart hauler spirit is dragging fumes.

There are more cat tears in your sea of love than love bars in your ocean of beers.

There are more bat turds in your chili bun, than your honey bunch munches on sparrow marrow and glass hog candies, on WEDNESDAYS.

THERE ARE XORX MINES where the witches lurk. There work is complete on each NEW FRIDAY, after the scarlet moss settles and the bustle of the endeavor is over. No more COOL TIME CHARLIES for these minx bitches … And if you could hear them scream? – you’d know some lucky “Mark” or “Chad” got had, and ended up in the VITAMIX, and is ready to feed TRIX the CAT, with a hint of cilantro … and they don’t mistreat hoes no more.

There are 2 obelisks glowing on Norg Mountain. The topless frolickers sell pterodactyl wine, and the sun sets on the last empire of COOM. My lost lover found her way to that green valley where the elf merchants danced and the wolf masters sharpened their swords for battle. Sure, the battle would be held in the empty expanse, beyond the great desert, where the puddle flowers bloom. And my jeopardy chances are low, and THERE ARE ways to overcome skuzz-terror.

There are OLD STYLE PANDA EXPRESS stores in Grinken Town, not far from where they held that Satanic ritual 5 years ago. Dusty boots and grease stained jeans march slowly, onward, to SCOMPTON and the trumpeters of BOBLIMPTOCK can be heard miles away. The RED BEAR hides in the woods, awaiting his prey fury; it was his cane soul yearning for that JEDI style sweet and sour panda that made the darkness come. And once the recipe for MCNUGGETS was revealed? – all the joints stole the point and injection molded SADNESS into silicon forms. And out comes these things, made of panda and chicken, and you’re finger licking good at acceptance now … your 5 stages complete.

There are Mexican jumping-beans hunting the walrus near the Castle of Steel …

There are jack-o-lantern beer badgers making money off of wagering: which surfer will be eaten by a shark FIRST.

There are TREE DOCTORS, stuck in the bush, as the lush undergrowth bring out the lusty hands … and the grabbing and stroking leads to 9 months of captured effluence and sewer baby nightmares.

There are TORCH CARRIERS, in South Carolina, wearing coffee filters and chanting “MAGA … MAGA … MAGA”, but their custom underwear is leeching asbestos.

There are times we get trapped by robot boomers and nonsense coomers and zoomers wearing onesies and picking posies by the way …

There are GREAT MINI-VAN squadrons, of white women with frowns and dead eyes and jaundice from too many boosters. They form gangs and look for BIG TRUCKS and BIG GUNS and big winnings at the broken slot machine near 7/11.

There are light bringers, from thousands of light years away, who have ships of crystal titanium and jergin-style meat cushions. All the bodies get dumped.

There are the lost KENTUCKY COWBOYS, those who hunted DICK JAMES and WAYNE TORPSON. They had these six shooters that fired .700 nitro express and nobody messed with them, ever. After fighting and drinking all day? – they’d hang out at Trev’s Pub, and fight and drink all night. Kevin, the sheep thief, burns with that dinnertime frustration and the triangle clings, and the buffet party begins at Donner Pass.

There are faerie tale wonders, stuck in between hurricanes and tempests.

There are dolphins which talk to squirrels.

There are SKY HAWK SHAMAN reaching into your pocket, to sell you a SKY HAWK dream.

There are too many ways to die …

There are too many waiting to live.

There are …

And then …

There are not …

Until there is someone to take out the trash, there is …

And there are …

What are you making for Cinco de Mayo?

What are you making for Cinco de Mayo?

Are you making that beef and squash you made last year? You brought it to the PUB where you get smashed with your channel friends, Gertie said she had crabs, and you both cried, and then had some of that STIMBLY you made from dried out muskrat and twice chewed menses. It was a real hit.

Derek stopped by after the SKLOOB party at Nate’s place, and he told you he loved you and he’d marry you and give you babies. And you guys drove out to the LAKE for the SUBMARINE RACES, the chases, and he said he smelled tuna – and you smiled and said “yes”. That was some dish you made, for Cinco de Mayo.

What you cooking up, for MAY 5th?

Your mom is coming over, and she always made TEXAS STYLE ARMADILLO CHILI for Cinco de Mayo. Her crusty-jell would smell up the kitchen, but the tender gold mold-gravy is what you and your wife are waiting for. Too much potato wax spoiled it last year, but if you drink enough beer (cerveza) you can stand her … for a while.

Paul shows up late, with his hoor date from Grinken Town, and the letters on her read “shell fish”. You can have your TUXEDO style dance moves, but your brother loves his Arkansas sideways Sally. Never forget how many hours you spent in the bathroom … last Cinco de Mayo.

WHAT YOU UP THIS CINCO de MAYO?

I heard you made PIZZA last year … with pineapple, and Canadian bacon. I saw you, watching RACHEL RAY and cursing on Shambla. Your cat, so tired of your drab scab, wondering WHEN she gets to pick your bones – she sits on your lap, you poo sap, eating SWANSON’S SALISBURY STEAK dinner again … for Cinco de Mayo.

The building super comes by and checks on your plumbing, but even his greasy eyes refuse your lies, as you stand there near naked in a t-shirt and silk underwear. You grab the Sangria and make your way to the fire escape, knowing that the MAN RACE is dead, and the race to the bottom is just beginning. Last Cinco de Mayo.

THIS CINCO de MAYO …

Are you going to apologize to Tony?

Tony has been waiting this whole year …

He thought you hated him, because of his baloney sandwich smile and that detestable grin on your visage, as the gauge of brain fog spreads WEST.

Tony was never gonna forgive you, but he’s bringing TACO SURPRISE this year, something intended to coop and steal the culture of MEXICO … to APPROPRIATE the LATINX lived experience.

He’s also going to tell you he has syphilis, and you should get checked too … this Cinco de Mayo.

THE BUNKER

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240428_THE_BUNKER.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

The bunker: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11765

16 Candles: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11779

Already in Hell: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11763

Dying of a Stroke: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11761

Ghost guns: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11759

Y2K: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11737

Prep Work: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11757

Gaslighting: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11755

Don’t question it: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11773

Ignorance and Death: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11776

Bringing it back: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11788

Can’t keep up: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11785

Camper life: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11795

“If Ukraine falls …”

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240428_IF_UKRAINE_FALLS.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

If Ukraine falls …: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11739

MOVIE IDEAS: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11713

Truth and gaslight: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11717

Constantine, Christ and the STATE: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11715

Regrets: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11711

Façade: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11709

Sea Jizz: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11706

VOTERS: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11704

Voting time: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11702

Respect and Approval: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11700

Seattle and Detroit: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11698

Your Critical Revenue: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11696

Validating Honey Pots: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11689

Professor Crab-Tree: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11687

Fart Demons: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11684

Freedom and Physical Assault: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11682

That bridge: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11680

Squishy Stuff: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11668

ENZO CARDITIS

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20240427_ENZO_CARDITIS.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

Look Away: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11657

ENZO Carditis: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11545

Hyper Sexual Cicada Monkeys: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11577

I’m 5’4″: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11599

Why not killer robots everywhere? (of space and AI): https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11482

Horses are hunting people: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11582

Cleats: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11573

Fallout and Coping: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11653

Libraries: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11517

Fireball Challenge: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11489

Fireball Challenge2: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11465

HEIST: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11486

There’s a mystery in Sector 19: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11459

My Old Kentucky Rifle: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11468

Olive Garden: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11456

Homemade: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11451

My name is NOT TOBY: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=11665

Don’t question it!

If your minister tells you “don’t question it”, then they are taking on the mantle of God.

(and that means the minister might not be on God’s team)

The Lord gave us freewill and a mind for a reason: USE THAT POWER

(throw in the Holy Spirit and discernment? – you’re cooking with gas)

I’m a Christian, I question everything – including my faith.

I think the Lord in Heaven smiled when Thomas stuck his hand in His Son’s wound …

I think he might have said: “they’re growing up”

the “BUNKER”

“If you think you know WHERE the elite’s bunker complex is, you are probably wrong: unless your answer is Antarctica.” – Dr. Freckles

“Please don’t be offended: you will never reach the bunkers where THOSE who are most guilty dwell, but God will.” – Dr. Freckles