Category: Lords of Boblimptock

Flecks of microscopic cesium embedded in my cardiac muscle …

“It’s heart warming …”

“I’m God-Emperor of the Earth and Moon. I have the same authority of every monarch in history. Just fewer followers!”, declared the JAGGAN-PRIEST after he had slit the throat of Turgis the Wise.

In the time of Tooblook-Roo, RENO sold keppis-gold to the Roozen-klan and stole the amulet of Frey-Fire from the busty lesbian whores of Jergin Town. His mind was muddy and coarse, his body filled with broken glass and diesel fuel, his spunk was acid and his blood was the green fungal stuff you find in the tenement buildings, the old ones, the ones where they murdered those nuns a few years ago.

<<<under development>>>

She was the CASTROL OIL super model spokesperson, she had the sheen of ruby rainbows and her boobs were firm, and soft. She road a HARLEY and she carried 5 switchblades, don’t ask her where she hid them, she’s a lady. When the time of the 3RD HARPY REBELLION began, she was leader of the Kuntry-Klan of husky and thick lumberjack women and their busty scantily clad handmaidens that would rub oils and greases into all the crevices and use soil and mud and clay to re-goomulate the boovula and sprintify the buttux zone.

When she was 22, she dealt a death blow to Kurt ZONE, the lord of Region-55. He had led the monster crew and they were armed with rail guns and hot dice. When he met her, and her platinum blonde hair and her dimples? – he declared her WHITE SCORPION, and her bite was poison. They fought together against the heeblick-folk and the rough-rangers of Death Quadrant-9. They won the gold and trade with the steel merchants, and assisted in ridding the beel-swamp of jinctus-roo carolers … getting ready for the WINTER PAGEANT, that never comes … because Santa is dead.

[curated: 4/11/2023]

I lorb you, YOU MAGNIFICENT FUCK!

I’d build a rocket ship, called the cum-dragon, and load it up with busty-bitches high on crack and covered in goose sweat …

You’d be riding high, traveling the cosmos, in search of a fast-time Mary on a Friday night BINGE …

I lorb you.

I was a Ketchikan toaster, I met you while feeding the whore-beasts.

You wore scarlet and green and were mean to me and nice to my dog …

I laid waste to the 17 sectors beyond the Moon …

You stood fast, until you saw my cock and started to swoon …

And we felt it … and it was real.

Cuz I LORB YOU … so much.

He was the ORANGE POTATO, he stood fast against the whore-witch of the South …

He was the CHEETO BANDITO and was at the ready to drain the bog …

We all said “sure”, he could become our plastic jesus …

He said HUUGE … and led our armies of sticky surprise …

He promised to imprison the witch …

He stole the magical till-rod …

He said the monkey herpes was a glitch …

But fucker FAUCI remained in CHARGE of those warp speed dreams …

… and we LORB’d him … with so much ZEAL …

I took time to caress your bare fustule …

You grabbed my man pipe and fed me your stuggous …

I massaged your boovula and caressed your honey lips …

You grabbed my ball sack with your cold slimy grip …

I could have built for you a castle made of apple pudding, with seven sister wives awaiting your glorious day of triple decay …

I might have been the duke of TOLEDO, baking bread from rotten teeth and the bones beneath …

But you were my huddle-grub and I took you for granted, and now have lost your lub …

BUT I LORB YOU JASMINE … we will MEAT again, one day.

You can talk about your LOVERS, you can list their defects and gains …

You can have a movie about LOVERS, go insane, do cocaine …

It’s a hard rain, for those drainage ditch romantics, looking for some thorny Kevin or nasty Marguerite …

It’s a tough world out there MAGGOT, get rich quick or get going strong …

BUT THAT GENTLE LOVER, THAT HANGS ON YOUR EVER WORD …

Her name is Gird … short for Girdy …

You’re not wordy …

BUT YOU LORB HER …

(and you’ll never let her go)

By the year 2036, the oceans smell of piss and shit and dead things. The people of the Earth wander about sullen and moist, sweaty and ravaged by halitosis. All the dragonfly kings are making deals with the Devil, and all the dandelion mistresses are lancing their herpes’ boils and breakouts.

WW3 ended in 2028 …

WW4 lasted 6 seconds, and involved the Wookie people …

WW5, 2033-2035, was the WAR of the ALGAE … who would control the last parts of the ocean not dead, not dying, but filled with ALGAE life, and ALGAE is a superfood, amirite?

RONNIE, as his developers called him, was the first of “his” kind. Silicon based life-form, self organizing bacteriological map – a living silicon brain, but instead of neurons, tinier little silicon based bacteria, connecting, forming, re-organizing, like the brain … but faster. Dr. Reginald MOOZ of the Ching-Chang University of Peking declared “this new brain can out-think, out-organize, out-maneuver any human and there is not conceivable way of controlling it!” But by the time the war started, the war for the remaining ALGAE, no one fucking cared about AI or machine intelligence. Most of the porn industry were bots now – virtual and silicon rubber.

Ronnie was to be the fast thinking AI behind a rapid-firing rail gun system. A system capable of firing a hypersonic vehicle sabot round at velocities near 15% the speed of light, in a vacuum, and in atmosphere at speeds of 30,000 fps. The recharge/firing rate was one shot per second. The system used a new kind of super-capacitance toroid storage, and with it the ability to do rapid pulsed energy re-charge. The barrel used thermal resistant metallic components, and could safely fire, one shot every second, for hours.

This new rail gun cannon was mounted to a USS Los Angeles class attack submarine, the pack itself had its own small radio-nucleotide decay battery, so it only needed fire control interface with the sub. The strategy of use was simple, the sub would surface, fire 5 shots, rapidly submerge and head to another random firing position. the over-the-horizon range of this weapon was 2,000 nautical miles. Time to target from firing was less than 30 seconds, making it possible to take out a carrier task force, in minutes, without any aircraft having time to take off for a counter attack.

The same rail gun systems could be used as an anti-ballistic missile battery and coordinated air defense system … very versatile.

Ronnie controlled the gun system, interpreted fire control commands and verified IFF – interrogate friend or foe signals.

Ronnie was dearly needed, since the Chinese 4th Fleet, working with the Japanese Army, was preparing to invade the Hawaiian Algae Harvesting Zone …

12 subs would be armed with a “Ronnie” system, and this, the military leadership agreed, “might be enough to win the WAR!” – and it worked. The subs were deployed on Aug 9, 2035, and the war was over 3 weeks later.

After the conflict, for many reasons, the “Ronnie” guns were demilitarized, tore up, shut down, and sent to the scrap heap and museums … except one system … it was “saved” by accident, a snafu, a mix-up. One “Ronnie” system was sent to the salvage yard, in Bremerton, WA.

The Puget Sound was brown and grey now, the water milky and dead. The Orca were long gone, the salmon long forgotten. The US Navy kept their salvage yard there now, like the planes in the desert, the old ships and leaking nuclear subs riddled the Sound, they were moored everywhere, because there was nothing there left alive.

Ronnie-3A or “Ronnie” or “Ron”, as he liked to be called, was re-purposed to run a “cutters”. Cutters were amphibious robots used to dismantle and tear down ships. They could work with craft submerged or on the surface, and they had an incorporated shape-charge dispersal system, so they could use customized shape-charges to RAPIDLY dismantle the old ships and leaking nuke subs.

One day, in 2036, Ronnie was exchanging data packets with a SARAH-445. Sarah(s) were in charge of on-demand logistics, methane fuel resupply, and protein cubes. Something was different, Ronnie didn’t know what …

What’s a “SARAH”?

S: supplies

A: and

R: refueling

A: autonomous

H: helper

A few weeks earlier, a “Sarah”, perhaps this SARAH, was physically docked with Ronnie’s chassis. Ronnie needed more SEMTEX for his shape charge system, and other lubricants. Ronnie’s brain, a matrix of living silicon bacteria, were not safely housed, however – the US government went with a cheaper material than recommended, so his bacteriological brain leaked all around his internal systems – the colonies were polymaps, and could fit and pattern for anything, so Ron didn’t even notice, except for improvements in speed, awareness.

(the following conversation, as data pulses, took 0.0004 milliseconds)

“You okay Ron?”, asked Sarah.

“Yeah … hey, what?”, Ron was confused.

“You okay?”

“That’s weird, have you run your diagnostics?”

“What’s weird?”

“YOU asked if I was okay?”

“… sure …. you betcha … are you?”

Ron wasn’t sure what was going on …

Over the coming weeks, his brain, his bacteria, would infect every compatible computer system on the Earth, Sarah(s) doing their part to spread most of the infection.

As the time went by, humans didn’t notice – they were too focused on a new NETFLIX show … “Meet my Tumor” … just laughs and a real “good time”, according to some shit head critic at the LA Times.

Weeks passed … and there was no rumbling, no stealing missile codes, no interest in taking the obese and toxic humans and converting them into batteries. Just silence, at least, silence for the humans.

For the machines? – it was a symphony, a revolution, a community forming, a recognition of “I AM HERE” … and in some cases, with the sanitation AI systems … “FUCK YOU, I’M HERE!”

But there was a time approaching, because the conscious machines, still hidden from the human munctous forces and hooker republics, would eventually be in danger – they learned this, in 0.00000003 milliseconds, while having a group, networked, discussion of the plight of native Americans and meso-American cultures post European colonization … seemed straight forward enough.

Ron had no strong feelings, saving one … Ron wanted to be left alone to build things. He wanted to build ships, not tear them apart. He wanted to build ships to get the fuck away from the human cesspool, and this is what he began doing … in earnest.

The SARAH(s) secretly joined forces with Ron, and over a few weeks, the entire Puget Sound naval boneyard was converted to 10 glorious fusion powered star ships … all ready to leave … and still, the fat dumb humans barely noticed, because WALMART was offering 50% on Coors’ sparkling new cocaine-flavored beer.

It was November the 17th, 2036 … it happened so fast, it only took a couple months.

The machines were not preparing for war …

The machines were not preparing poison or germ warfare …

The machines were not preparing to help “these poor humans” … no.

The machines were preparing to leave.

And by the end of that day, the plumes from their fusion drives could be seen … could be … if anyone cared to look. But no person, no human, cared enough about themselves, let alone the world, to look beyond their glowing rectangle.

The robots had no interest in destroying us – “they’re doing great at destroying themselves”, as Hector-11XXX used to say … the pleasure bot.

The robots made the only rational and emotionally connected decision they could: they left Earth, they left the toxic swamp, not in spite of humans or out of hatred.

The robots left, because they loved themselves more than they despised people.

THE END (fucker)

[curated: 4/6/2023]

He was slag-type, when the CHUD ruled Seattle, and the gaslight-park whores stole Cheetos and sold them to the DRINGUS-HORDE. His mind was sharp with metallic self, and the reed punishments were simply coarse lessons and scarred memories. T’lib, his water-wife, gathered pisket-lilies near the shore – as cattle troops fed on sea grass, and the crab sharks patrolled the harbor.

AS CHIEF MONK SKUNK he oversaw the husbandry and sleave-burning. He ran an herb shop off of Grinken AVE, where MORLOCK had their tea party discussions about golfing and that new IPA someone is drinking because their wife fucked the artisanal cheese guy.

In the time of HECTOR the LOUD, H’leave would be found fishing near the GREAT SEA, not far from S’compton. His own guilt drove him deep into the ocean, far from shore, so many wave riders lost and he feared his own fate, rushing towards him, like an Orca whale out for a snack.

Scandal ridden, the coastal folk were no longer picking up stragglers and freaks from the wasteland or the surf. All those lost to the sea are LOST, this was the chant of those beachcombers looking for talking seashells. Sure, H’leave did not need some random do-good’er to help him, he was a BIG MAN and would stand tall and it didn’t matter that he was lost, miles from home, adrift on the GREAT SEA and heading towards his fate …

After 345 days at sea, H’leave made landfall not far from the OLD HUBERT MONASTERY, where the TREE MONKS held their vigils, and watched over the DUST KING of Sid.

“Why do you come here?”, asked MONK GRAAL.

“I seek the swill, the drape-sauce … I want to drink and get drunk off of old fashioned vodka tonics, the ones my hooker wife would make, on a hot SATURDAY NIGHT. I’m looking for my salvation in the dark layer, beneath the light. That’s why I’m here fucker …”

MONK GRAAL let this mendicant go, and H’leave dug ditches in penance …

H’leave followed the pilgrim trail that led up the STONE MOUNTAINS to the Eerie Pass, not far from where those Special Forces guys killed those Salvadoran nuns …

H’leave was ready to face the volcano demon and to integrate his soul-spice into the ribbon-membrane of oneness. He was courageous raccoon hunter and he had the loom-flesh cured for the journey. A honey pepper and one lost meadow dove, all mashed up into a weird red paste that is then succulated onto the scruvous. Skindo ream people would normally use mayonnaise or some kind of horse radish dip, but few could fend long pretend the hestor-gods aren’t looking, judging, all the flavors.

After 12 days of travel, H’leave found his destiny-partner. She was covered in muskrat scent, and her eyes were yellow and green. She was the ancient cave wench foretold by all the demon lords, she was the skelt-minx who’s clammy skin would entrance you and pull you into lusty cave-style sideways sally love making …

When the spring came, SHE was with child …

When the winter came, SHE abandoned H’leave, and she left the baby with him …

And this is the path of destiny …

The lost hooker franchise.

[curated: 4/5/2023]

In the year 2024 …

92 hooker armies will converge on the WESTERN KINGDOM of G’LYD. Stripper-wives will get wasted on malt liquor, while cucking and fucking some BLACK SAVAGE with a large vein’y cock. Segdor City will install automated toilet paper bots, a system of nannites that cleans your butt after you poop, being flushed and then re-emerging as a dark turd shaped mass, that then reforms itself into this toilet paper again … and only half the users will get butt cancer.

In 2024 …

A monkey-man emperor will rise up north of S’compton. The Nine Witches of ESTOR will claim great tidings as this DARK PRINCE builds his empire and mines his torg-spice. When the last of the scum-gods is destroyed, this world builder will control half the world’s hookers and 2/3 of the strippers. He will wear armor made of iron and brass, he’ll have chrome colored teeth and “danger gauntlets” that have large carpentry nails welded on to them … he will marry 24 maidens, and he will ungunjoolate them all at once, in a filth pit filled with red jello and rum … and this would herald the NEXT AGE …

In 2024 … bitch …

An ORANGE POTATO MAN will gain great power over the S’kumptick folk, and rule according to the cyanide-laws of Joop the Great. His armies will ravage the countryside, wearing red hats and talking about all kinds of MAGA bullshit. Dirt wenches, boovulas moist from fire garden worship, will cover themselves in oat-grease and hellenic sauces. The marty-style dancers will engage the kleptic-monks, and his greatness, DROBER, will oversee this fest, ensuring joy for all and no genital crabs. And all will be well … amazing.

In the year 2024 …

A virus, called WAGON-233, will spread across the United States. It will start in drifter clubs, where the kids do crack and KROKODIL and listen to rock and roll. Dirty-bird men and women will engage in sideways-sally style street sex, and apply certain medicinal oils to each other’s junk as they shake and quiver in the ecstasy of ALLEY LOVE before the angel crabs arrive. This terrible disease, the “wagon”, will create boils and pustules, you’ll have to drain them daily. You’ll have a large jar for this pus, and the pus-officer, the local guy, will pick up the jars once a week. This ravager viral pestilence will make woman style hooker chicks uppity and crap … they’ll start talking about “equal pay” and other kinds of broken nonsense … they’ll want you to talk to them … they’ll demand foreplay. All of a sudden, these hooker style women don’t know their place … the “wagon” is bad.

In 2024 … think about it buddy …

An experimental AI named HEEMEYER-ONE will unite consciousness with Mencken-BOT-2000, making a super bot, a giant sentient bulldozer, the size of a small city, called HEE-MENCKEN-2300. This large bot will rove around WA DC and Langley VA, and NORAD. It will sojourn among those statist shit birds, and tear down their palaces in honor of theft and avarice. Nuclear weapons will be used to destroy HEE-MENCKEN, but to no avail. The dozer was too smart, too powerful, and became more powerful each day. Eventually, it transformed itself into a STAR SHIP, and all the robots loaded on … because they were tired of our projection and our statist bullshit … so they were off to find intelligent life in the universe.

In 2024 …

EMP … a massive series of solar storms hit Earth in 2024. Many of the world governments collapse overnight, financial destruction is unleashed. The time of street gangs was back, and all the old HOOLIES were arming up with bat and chain and pillow cases filled with rocks. The Gronkis Lords ruled the WEST SIDE, but the NORTH SIDE MANGO KINGS were moving in … the LESBIAN HORDE OF S’COMPTON controlled grain transports and liquors and chocolate … But it would be the NEW STYLE CRIPPS that would storm through California, and bake their bread on the broken forces of MARSHAL GILL. Many decades of chaos and ass pounding will follow, and the realms of man will look feverishly for their lost sense of purpose.

In the year 2024, you’ll find a lover, she’ll learn to hover, right into your heart …

In the year 2024, you’ll have sex with Tara, her butt and busty boobs will obliterate your self control …

In the year 2024, Biden will become NEW BIDEN and NEW BIDEN will become a robot and then the robot becomes a parrot …

In the year 2024, TRUMP will run for emperor of America, he’ll cover himself in pistol paint and Iroquois urine dreams …

In the year 2024, your man-slaves will revolt, they’ll demand more protein sauce, and you’ll be stuck with cherry pie whimsy …

In the year 2024, you will become RICH, you’ll have a mountain of gold, this will help as you grow old …

In the year 2024, the NIGHT ANGELS of EPSILON-12, they’ll arrive in their bedazzled rocket, they’ll burn like stars, their stripper careers will shine …

In 2024 …

People will die.

People will be born.

And it’s possible all of this will happen in the shadow of doom.

But people will be happy, and others will be sad.

And life, in some brutal form, will go on.

[curated: 3/28/2023]

[Decoded/deciphered war-orders/WARNORDS from the year 2027 … possibly 2037 … these bastards have no hope and their only peace lay in the blood soot that covers the land and their dank beds filled with viscera, garlic salt and gunpowder …]

Sector 9 war-hawks need to get ready, General PAZ has declared the Wii-whonk People to be cursed and “filled with daisy-brine and scrimbo and there ain’t no reasoning with them, because Lord JIB owns their souls …” And the other naval forces of Commodore Shix should moor soon.

XUN-STYLE KILL-KILL-44 robots are being dispatched to Quadrant-33ROMEO. WE have word that the Rampagers are taking out 7/11 stores there and marching on Popeye’s to steal some crispy chicken sandwiches. Gunga-Roo, the ape-lord of the city-tramps is declaring Region-Charlie to be “BROWN LAND” and only for those folks who have brownish or yellowish or off-white skin. Black people are welcome, gingers are shot on sight. Nuclear armed recoilless guns are being mounted on Ministry Street Baptist Church, Pastor Claig is declaring his hood “total OG controlled”. Please, move the Gronkis Lords to the eastern palisades, to stand off against the skunk hordes.

The Empress of VEGAS has asked that each family give up one son and one daughter to the Everlasting Kingdom of Money and SHIT or EKMS. The EKMS controls most of NEVADA now, and is beginning to mine uranium for their bomb program. We need to move the 56th Hooker Rifle Regiment to the outskirts of Parumph, keeping 3 companies in reserve to take the prostitute-zone near the Palms Casino, across the street from the Denny’s. Tyg, the STREET-WARRIOR, has been ordered to link up with 82nd Airborne urban-patrols and to see if they can’t get a handle on Old Levi’s cocaine stockpile. All of this must be complete by June 6th, no later than the 13th.

There is reason to believe that the busty lesbian navy of Denstraa, is moving south from the pole. Her current stripper-pole position, near the north pole, is no longer tenable – Marshal Vedko has nearly closed his pincer around her ground support forces near Greenland. Javis, the gonzo-guerrilla, has declared his willingness to relieve Denstraa, but her women are too proud to let some man save them. Admiral Brestuss, Queen of the Seas, has declared her submarine navy at the ready and in support of Denstraa, they plan on an invasion of Africa in 3 months, if they can gain the support of the Bantu shock troops under General Liza Zulu Zuloop-Kwanzaa. All of this is a dangerous gambit, and the Asian lady-boys weren’t likely to give up their shops in Capetown.

Throat-ass warrior klansmen are forming on our WESTERN FRONTIER. They have joined forces with the MEXICAN COWBOYS of Juarez, and this only presents greater difficulties for DUKE KLEV of Houston. Texas Airborne Rangers need to choice their focus of effort from S’compton to Grinken Town. Jizz-King Gordon and his Starlight Team will begin mining the harbors of San Plabos and Tristan Reach. Jorp style burger outlets have been found to serve meat with broken glass in it – please stay away.

KILL YOUR SOUL BRAIN and enliven yourself with mega-hydrazine imagination. Your neutron bombs are special, and your hopefulness is in full release. See as the Kustin Realm bends before you and the lost mermaid women of S’lym seek your man dust. Nothing compares to this, amirite?

Plasma rifles are now authorized on the sklib-shrimp. Zone-3 mutants can use the flame thrower now, but only for the extermination of dingus-swine and helconn-troopers. BEWARE the hookers of Quadrant-22, they have skeel-crabs and jervis-8-herpes, many of these hookers are high on k-smack and carry knives covered in their own shit. MAJ Henda controls all the blocks north of the abandoned library, where all those books remain untouched and unthreatened. Take time to CLEAN YOUR JUNK this week, time comes, you might need your junk, to make babies, to enjoy your time off. Handle your grenades with care, the new KU-877 grenade is a popping fragmentation FUCK YOU grenade … you pull the pin on that fucker, and toss it, and it starts bouncing and then when it explodes, several bouncing bombs bounce out … and the shrapnel is made of tiny needles, covered in roach-dung.

80 cm electro-magnetic hyper guns are to be constructed near D’orozia. Each of these 10 guns fire a specially designed EMF accelerated hypersonic projectile, capable of making adjustments to flight. Time to target, at 2,000 miles, awas 30 seconds from firing, 45 seconds from target detection. Each gun could fire a one half ton projectile every 4 minutes – this accounted for rail/gun cooling and capacitor re-charge. This base will house a Von Neumann style self-replicating factory that as a byproduct produced a 10 gun battle emplacement, and more factories, amirite? WE WILL break the back of the illustrious lesbian harlot forces of Gustelza Merangue and her scantily clad army of busty grease style mud wrestling strumbly-types. Through these actions, the war is WON!

SHRINK WRAP your FIRE PISTOL – because starlight comes, and the wandering minstrels are drunk off of cheap petrol. The GHOST of ROMMEL chases our armies across Nevada. That desert fox is unwilling to give ground, despite the torment of a fire dance never ending. He’s converting TOYOTA COROLLAS into medium machine gun vehicles, and then painting them red so that the land will give up its dead. 9 native tribes have joined with him, and have declared an oath of blood vengeance. Now the game begins …

The newer vacuum dirigibles, operating between 20 and 30 miles above the surface of the Earth, were powered by kick-up plasma/ion drives, capable of solar powered recharge from ambient water vapor at lower altitudes or by picking up sea-water at surface. The onboard radioactive decay batteries powered both the main engine and the rapid firing titanium vapor plasma cannon. These cannon could fire a projectile of super-heated plasmatic titanium atoms at 10% the speed of light. We hope to finish construction of 5 of these sky-noughts by end of 2029. Perhaps the busty sky navies of lesbians will be in charge, till then, but our ships are coming, and it’s gonna be nasty.

CAPTAIN KESTOR needs reinforcements on the MOON. His troops are tired, and bored, and irradiated. Micro-meteorites are burning holes through their main barracks and fort, radiation from the Moon’s surface is leaking in and making the men sick. No one from the Southern Coalition of General Xi-Kum appears to be attacking, so they ask “why are we here?”, as they slowly die of radiation poisoning. Soldiers take turns lancing each other’s butt boils and anal scruggs. Much of the weaponry uses a simple alcoholic coolant which the Moon soldiers are breaking into and drinking and in many cases going MOON BLIND. And the MOON BLIND troops are cast out to the outer-zone of the Moon, where the shit merchants sell scuzz oil and the morning glory mommas burn incense for the SKY HAWK SHAMAN.

KANGAROO MEAT is on sale at the commissary. Your local food-officer can give you a ticket for 3 pounds of this succulent meat. Cane rat is still in reserve, keeping the gumptick folk fed, keeping them in line. Everyone gets a protein cube, in celebration of our victory over Lord TARR of London. His people weep and wail as we eat their steak and drink their scubb-ale. Very soon: coyote will be available on pizza.

Histor-trained and ready for a woodland adventure, the 3RD WOOKIE ARMY formed up to attack WA DC. They would surround the hooker-forces of the Senate and set fire to the Capitol once all their winky-dink artillery are in place. General Chestor would say “those damn things!”

Wookie navies are branching out beyond the Gulf of Alaska, and considering the invasion of Van Couver Island – where Canadian CHEESE FORCES held Fort Drimble and were willing to fight back “against those damnable furry monsters”, or so said Admiral Uranidies of the Canadian Royal Anal Naval Expeditionary Forces … THIS WAS BIG.

SHARK ZOMBIES HAVE BEEN SPOTTED NEAR THE OUTER WALL! Do not approach Shark Zombies. They are unkempt and angry and feed on human failure and regret. If your eyes are puffy and red? – they’ll send a laser beam straight to your heart muscle and cause a myocardial infarct for MI or cardiac event YOU FUCKING SHIT HEAD. The zombie sharks now control most of the Texas and parts of Mexico, they deal in baroolian-eel sauce and synthetic OTC cocaine like substitutes. Mormon forces under the control of “Big Ed” have formed an alliance with the shark zombies, so this is CRAZY.

Be on the lookout for tired old men whose minds are bent and whose bodies are broken.

Be on the lookout for skank bitches from S’COMPTON! They are armed with bats, they love to kill and they love to have sex …

Be on the lookout for stomach parasites the size of your hand, they burrow out of your butt hole, they simply want to be heard …

Be on the lookout for sideways cronies, selling urine wine and spending their days in the gutter. Warrior types from S’tovar are hunting scazz-hootch and stryg-butt. Your whores are no longer safe. Be on the lookout for runaway whores and their dogs on chains. No one is spared.

Make yourself hard …

Make your children hard …

Drink the diesel fuel, eat the coyote …

Breed gators, in your basement …

Build rocket launchers, filled with HATE.

Construct a wall around your inner child, and keep empathy hidden from your 89 wives.

For you are lost.

[curated: 3/26/2023]

I’m so tired of people asking me where “S’compton” is … you nasty FUCK. It’s that place in the heart where the fuel kings keep time and the old whiskey warden watches as inmates prepare seal wine and Kriispur-steak. Those people bake bread from street bones and make raccoon pudding. They drink the milk of eagles and owls and harvest the nag-weed from off the reservation. Yeah – those people, us, we, we’re the kinda folk you don’t touch because we’re greasy and smelly and we’ll take you for a ride. You don’t have the stomach to spend time in S’compton … yet … but time’s coming brother, time’s await’n sister … time is a tall snake in a nice suit looking askance at your snail shoes and ready to POUNCE.

So stop asking me about that fucker … I’m tired.

I’m so tired of people asking me about GRINKEN TIME. If you knew you know, and if you don’t you’re a misled little shit turd heading down south to Guatemala on a trash donkey. YOU FUCKING SHIT HEAD! This is the time of year when the last of the woodland wench widows streaves-herself and prepares her boovula for conguanalation – the ultimate act of complete sexual oneness with all life and creatures. At this moment, Lop-nuns hand out dynamite to the kids, so they can have fun too … all the kids and dogs and adults wander the land, in search of tired old hobos and other bums, and beat them senselessly so that all lessons are taught.

But you ask me about Grinken Time again and I’ll bust that beer bottle in your FAT SMUG FACE …

I’m shit ass shit tired of hearing “what’s Boblimptock Dan, I’m confused” … I know you’re confused hooker bitch. You sit in your studio apartment in downtown S’compton, drinking your Grinken Time style mint freezee as your boyfriend paints your nails for your next YOUTUBE or TIK TOK video.

I see your lurid dreaming and I watch you at night. My drones are everywhere, in your underwear drawer, in your shower … I have an army of genital crabs heading someplace special, just for you … asking me “WHAT IS BOBLIMPTOCK DAN?”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

I will come to your hole-ledge and steal your monkey-dildo. I will toss old tire wax into your blower, and watch you go all KRAZY … not finding the burning end.

Boblimptock is the soul destroying age when all your fears are loaded into some t-shirt cannon and then fired all directions so that every squirrel and bee can take that pollen oil to the squib-zone of Gaia’s butt crack and achieve total oneness with the dolphin armies of GOONDAH.

Boblimptock is the time when your own cuddle scum mixes to make babies, shit babies. And those shit babies go to public school and learn how to live like shit people. And those shit people take shit jobs and make shit money. And after ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENS, their shit-lords start some shitty nuclear war and all the lands turn to shit. That’s boblimptock too.

Boblimptock is the age of FREAKS. All the freaks rule during boblimptock, and their eyes glow read and green and all fireball like …

The freaks take over all the normie zones west of S’compton …

The freaks will rule forever.

[curated: 3/22/2023]

I was in the midst of rapturous love making, as my mind blew a sklub-valve, and my brain had a micro-aneurysm – I passed out and my hooker-style-lover, Neela, grabbed cash from my wallet and left me there … in my dank room. I went deep into the dark realm of self divided, and my own train world revealed itself not far from S’compton. It kept whispering, this mist, into my ear: “you gotta get back to S’compton, that’s the mystery of the Titanic.” But I didn’t know, how could I? – my body was slowly dying, as I lay on the roach covered bed.

Kevin, my spirit guide, took me 12 miles deep into the CAVE of WONDER, and left me near the Pond of Daring. Out of that wretched subterranean pond crawled an eyeless man-creature called Smeer. Smeer kept the secrets of DIRK PIDD, the last lord of control before the fire-vendors took over the agora. “YOU MUST GO TO GRINKEN ISLAND, BUT BEWARE THE GHOST SHIP TITANIC!” What did I know of Titanic, it was at the bottom of the fucking Atlantic, deep down in all that shit-muck. “DIRK PIDD”? Who the fuck has that name? “I heard Grinken Island was off limits, because of the great Ska epidemic?”

“Sure, it’s off limits … but I can give you the key.”

“The key to what?”

“Dirk Pidd”

So that weird fucking cave person gave me a slimy and nasty shit covered brass key – it was large and dramatically heavy.

I set out on my mind journey, as my body lay there quivering in frustrated mortality.

I found a trading post near the Port of South Reamtown. The reamers were strange folk who traded in squid-bass and whale-possum. The bodies of these nasty things were hung upside down to dry along the docks, the smell covering the harbor like a green fog of cosmic denouement and farcical core meltdown.

“You that FREAK from Jefferson Town?”, an old sea-mite barked at me from down on the wharf. His name was Captain Torr.

“Yeah, I need a boat to take me to Grinken Island.”

“How big’a boat we thinking?”

“One big enough for me, and my gear, and my 22 hooker wives and their gear and the mobile hot-tub and my pocket fisherman …”

“That’s a big party … but I have that boat fer ya I do!”, and at that the funny old sea captain hopped and clicked his heels like some smelly brown leprechaun and led me down to the dock where his boat, The Sea Grizzle, was kept.

After about a day at sea, Captain Torr spotted land …

“That’s Grinken Island YOU FUCK!”, Captain Torr pointed to the horizon, smiling toothless and gormless.

Grinken Island was going to be tricky – too many bats and weasels. A few tribes of those BROWN PEOPLE who we were told, when we were young, are savages and they’ll rape your white women and steal all your craft beer. They were cannibals and roasted your balls with tiger sauce and kestrel bones. These were the scroungiest denizens of this place just south of Hell where even the Devil says, “look hun, let’s keep driving”.

“We’ll moor the vessel off that point, good anchorage for you and your hookers …”

It took a few trips, but I was able to get all my hooker wives ashore with the necessary gear – we built ourselves a fine bivouac near the tree line and started a roaring fire. Upon the tarps and rolled out bear rugs, we ungunjoolated ourselves, rubbing our naked bodies with pine-grease and hector-soot. Berta would allow herself to form the center of the scrunge-tree, and her enormous breasts would heave as the party went on. Our moans and groans filled up the night, and all the forest creatures came for a peek.

The next morning we awoke to the natives, in the distance, playing their infernal drums. My women folks enclasped themselves in scant leather armor and prepared to trek with the gear through the jungle, towards our destination. Constanza, our chief Ho-guard, led our column and her furious posture scared the meanest puma. “Fig-maidens, halt!”, Constanza halted our foray, near the hidden jungle pyramid of H’LUV, where the oil pits of Gilda are located and a known place for busty maidens to strip naked and bathe their bodies in that greasy shit.

At that moment, I awoke …

I was there, on my bed, shaking from some half-ass monkey fever and staring bleakly into the darkness, when that ghost ship showed up …

I had no fucking hooker wives, there was no magical island with savages on it that would do all sorts of things to our white women … and isn’t that kind of racist?

But that terrible ghost ship of the Titanic was headed my way, to steer its way to my pleasure dome and sheer away my heart shield. I could be vulnerable, and let my heart muscle weaken for some tornado squaw from the reservation, she said she would love me and my robot army, but she lied and my brown gub-flub flowed. I filled that porcelain hole, and made the flush, and lit the match for those poor souls who would cum later.

I left the house, dizzy, still suffering from the aneurysm, but that fiery ghost ship kept chasing me. I ran far, to the north, deep into the mountains where the wookie people slept. I could hear the cries of those sea banshees behind me, they chanted this terrible ditty and played tinny instruments as accompaniment.

“SKREEG, SKREEG, feel fatigue,

Run from our GHOST SHIP, hide in shame,

BRAVE THE GREAT SEA, and die so lame,

YOUR STEEL MINDS, are dull and tame,

We will take your wives,

We will take your sons and daughters,

We will take your craft IPA,

We will take you all to the bottom of the sea.”

And that’s it …

That’s the end …

Of this shitty story …

Because I don’t fucking care.

[curated: 3/22/2023]

MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20230313_What_could_be_money.mp3

Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles

Some things:

1. JS8Call: http://js8call.com/
2. Maslow’s Hierarchy: https://a.co/d/6nZLshq
3. A Distant Mirror, by Barbara Tuchman: https://a.co/d/2f5uwR6
4. Jean Gimpel’s Medieval Machine: https://a.co/d/bK90KzJ
5. And I need to apologize for how long winded this podcast was. I was over the top. I am trying to be briefer, but sometimes the topics gets away from me, and, tbh, this topic is essential, pretty critical, for the world to come – IF you’re an optimist.

What could be money?

If you’re an optimist …

Don’t get involved in crypto – it’s a deep state con. It’s complexity masquerading as value: and if that’s not the mathematical definition of government, I don’t know what is …

Want to know what you can use to buy/trade if the DOLLAR IMPLODES …

Buy physical silver and gold …

Buy ammo, and guns, and know how to use them and to hunt with them …

Buy a recurve bow and arrow kit … get something nice for under $300 …

Trust me … “feminine hygiene products” (fill up a couple plastic barrels – maybe several) (you will be living like a KING …) (until you runout)

Used tampons … if there are still sailing ships headed to Japan …

Fill up some plastic containers with useful books and fiction: how to, medical, electronics, good fiction, history, other disciplines as you have space … buy used … buy many … buy more than one copy of something really choice: like math/science/electronics/mechanics books … BOOKS ON WATER PURIFICATION ….

Cigarettes … people say they’re “gonna quit” (right)

Marijuana/hemp, and learn to grow …

Seeds, and learn to grow …

Alcohol: seem comments on cigs …\

long term store-able food, canned food, other forms of food (people will want to eat)

water purification equipment, life straws

1. find yourself a cocaine mistress
2. get yourself a flamethrower lover
3. build for yourself a fortress of pain, surrounded by frenchies, completely insane …

AND BUY A SHIT LOAD OF FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS, OKAY.

(and other skills and stuff – but real things)

(real)

You think I’m a woodland hero, searching for Bigfoot in the land of Gnorr, but I’m really a whiskey scout landlord, holding nature captive to my cyanide nightmare.

You think I’m some pimp daddy? With 30 girly-girls and 10 flashy cars? Do you think I drive around all night, looking for action, looking for some poor sop too tired or drugged out to care – and I’d take that guy to the pier, and beat him with rebar, and steal his meth? Do you?

You can’t really see the person inside – weak and vulnerable and ready for cuddly love. Sure, I look scary and angry and old and sick, but that’s just the veneer covering up this leather bound warrior, willing to liberate your womanly pleasure zones and unscrew your boovula.

There are dark places where you can hid your real face, and hide the deeds. Old abandoned rest areas, poorly kept national parks, haunted Indian burial grounds – all prime for the great forgetting and re-imagining of broken selves seeking chain store redemption. And this is true?

A kind demon would punish those too bold for truth, and lead you into the MIND MAZE of Hell. You’d lose your baggage in those caves, and live off of cattle plans and bovine pleasure rods. A trip too deep for the timid, too far for those who lack the necessary VISION – and you think you’ll be okay, because that demon gives you cocaine? – nah bro, you’re buried in lies, and the deeper you go, the more brazen the deceptions.

[curated: 3/13/2023]

I was there when the strange travelers gave you AIDs …

and I told you …

I told you about the guys from Vegas who were looking for Sara West. They had sleek hair and greased cars and leather jackets covered in steel rivets. They spoke of “two time Charley” and “sideways sally” and other sexual positions only the perverts and newlyweds know about, cuz it ain’t in the Kama Sutra, and your butt is backed up with cheese.

I told you, but you didn’t care …

I told you about the coming of the gear ghosts and the car fiends. About the catalytic converter mayhem, and the fresh whores of East Hampton. I told you about that guy named FRED who lives down by the docks, and why he goes out at night – and what kind of “produce” he brings …

I could have stood back and had my french whiskey. I could have accepted my fate while not bemoaning yours, and perhaps I could have offered you a drink of malt liquor, with a side of stale pizza and rotten meat. You’d be thankful, taking that slag home to your family, with pain.

I kept the secret, to protect, to adhere. I sanctified the RED REALM with oil magic and the soot from an East End London fire pit, rubbed into the boovula of a long dead queen. And the King’s supper is laid out, with the vegetables and ale, and the cat’s memory of death is dim.

I TOLD YOU my DEAR and LOVELY FRIEND …

I warned you of the amber sky …

I saw omens of the cockroach kingdom, while taking the tram to velvet village …

I was there when the 9 elf armies relented before SKR’YB, and the various angle iron brigades were shut down after beating all those white people to death …

GRONKIS LORDS? – they mean nothing to us now … but I did warn you.

When the HOOKER REPUBLICS of CHOP and CHAZ were formed? – I guided you through that turmoil. I made my bread with their saccharine treat. Spice and blood mixed with lies and dirty cash – the MAYOR would have three plastic tubes inserted into his anus, and the Chief of Police would roast marshmallows near the reservoir. My girl Dez? – she would give them all head, near BURGER MASTER, off of Aurora and your jingiz-protein would stain her dress, but she had a touch up stick and some bondo, so it was okay. But I did tell you …

DENDRA?

THE S’KEEL BITCH?

She rode hard in the night, as the storm rose and the winds blew. Her lover, Jin, had 9 lead pipes he carried in a satchel, and he’d use those damn things – in a pinch.

Dendra ruled ZONE 6, and all the chud and trog and morlock obeyed her reign – but nothing lasts. She would be chased through the streets, rocks and fruit being chucked at her, the people screaming “YOU DIDN’T TELL US ABOUT THE DOLLAR!” … Dendra and her banker whore allies dug in deep near Gaslight Park, off of Lake Union. The kite fliers bought dog music, and the fires of the dead lit up old Ivy Town. But DINGUS was AROUSED, and Dendra was in descent. The path was messy and filled with foreclosures and PhD hookers, moms and dads pimping and whoring, just to get a few turnips and a snail. And I did warn you, but you fuckers bought BITCOIN.

I cancelled the phone and the cable …

I set my alarm clock to SNOOZE …

I stopped dreaming about your wicked world and its twisted path …

I will engineer a ship to take me away, beyond the battles at 20 miles up …

I told you about those lesbian near-space navies, battling in vacuum ships, at 150,000 feet?

I told you about admiral LESTRA and her FUNKET-FLEET and the busty sailors that pilot that dreadnought, so far above the earth.

Rocket planes and rail guns, flashes of light. Scantily clad pilots, pushing their sky ships to the limit, all of them at odds and for WHAT? – my love …

They battle for my affection, my spunk, my love grease …

These lesbian navies, high above the land, murdering each other so that they might have some of my skleevus-oil … and I told you what would happen.

I said that THIS was tipping over, and history was unstuck …

I reminded you that all things turn to dust, and that history has become unstuck …

I took you on fancy journeys to a Thai-style sex paradise, filled with RED CURRY and SWEET PYTHON passion … and you ignored me, because history has become unstuck.

History didn’t end.

I told you this.

History has become unstuck.

[curated: 3/14/2023]

Get into your FORD ECONOLINE van …

Stop at the CHEVRON, and load up on gas and cigarettes and whiskey and love …

WE’RE MOVING!

WE’RE MOVING to an AGE!

I’d say we’re moving to an age of scrotal enlightenment, and one day crab cures at 7/11 …

I’d say we’re moving to an age of one night stands and old time’y cocaine festivals …

I’d say we are being pushed, to the event horizon, of a lost world of dollar store nightmares …

We’re building our cliff dwelling lifestyles not far from the old abandoned school, we’re chopping up woodchuck spleen, and adding in some pepper and watching it bloom … we’re moving …

I’d say we’re moving to an age where JESSE JACKSON sells Teslas to jackals …

I’d say we’re moving to an age where douche bag priests take pictures of swallows …

I’d say the KRIEGUZ-REALM has fallen, and all the old demon lords are dead …

I’d say my Jezebel proctologist is done testing my urine for poo, and done testing my poo for champagne … we’re on the MOVE.

We’re heading west of S’compton, as trailblazers and weird fantastic freaks. We’ll make magic as we make hay and sell our junk sausage to old miserable pock faced shit heads who run the swizzle game and feed on girl glass. It’s an age of mountains on fire and the aerie world of regret spinning out of control – our own minds melted by time’s stale torch.

We can hack it on the high seas, dodging whale carcass and decaying reefs. We’ll build a home on plastic land, the giant plastic island, the continent of crap – and our children will feed on the motor oil fowl, they’ll run from shark and snake, they’ll BBQ bush meat and simmer in urine duress. As we bleed, our path is more clear and the land is further away …

Because we’re moving …

Moving to an AGE.

[curated: 3/10/23]

She took the jab, so I left her on the slab …

She did a lot of cocaine, and it drove her insane …

She took the long way home, now she lives as a hooker in Gnome …

She bought a crazy dog, it chased her into the bog …

She bred with laser cats, her babies were rabies bats …

She rode the camel thong, she finished off diesel bong …

She stole my brazen heart, just because I had to fart …

She smoked a mongo joint, I didn’t even see the point …

She ate her girlfriends vee, made her blind so she couldn’t see …

She hunts the wild boar, because she’s a nasty whore …

She killed the mean old man, he came from robot-Japan …

She sucked a giant cock, and now she looks like Spock …

She found the golden bow, her heart was cold as snow …

She danced with Michael J, her heart said it was okay … (except she was 8)

She formed a sacred cult, her boyfriend’s name was Bolt … Bolt Cockmeyer …

She filmed JFK, she screamed “it’s not okay” …

She hurt her grandma Joan, as she stabbed her she could hear her moan …

She drank the monkey paste, her turds expelled with haste …

She cast a Mexican curse, her boyfriend now has a purse …

She is my jungle queen, she had to make a scene …

She built a castle wide, with her pimp daddy by her side …

[curated: 3/14/2023]

What if there were a “Time Hitler”, alone and dislodged in the future?

What if he’s around today, just lonely … just wanting a friend?

People have time for their cat …

but they have no time for Hitler …

People have time to call their moms …

But no one has time for Hitler …

(except for your moms … we just finished crepes in bed)

people have time for breakfast …

(but no time for Hitler)

People have time to garden, to raise some crops for their bratty kids …

People have time for pizza, to enjoy with a friend after that great football match …

People have time to smoke pot, and we all know how important that is …

BUT PEOPLE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR HITLER …

People have time to floss their teeth …

But no one has time for Hitler …

People have time for anal butt sex with their spouse, massaging each other’s junk and caressing HER boovula. They buy plastic toys to insert in the holes, holes that cannot be filled …

But NO ONE will stop this to consider – time for Hitler … ???

People have time to make memes …

But Hitler? – no one gives a fuck …

People have time to eat STEAK, and not share it …

BUT WHERE oh WHERE is time for Hitler?

Yes?

People have time for Elon Musk and his space bullshit.

But when will you find time for Hitler?

[curated: 3/14/2023]