I spent most of my life as an Atheistic and naive nihilist.
Then I found God walking beside me, and I became a cynical idealistic Christian …
(Book of Jonah is my hometown)
Herpes Clear
I am herpes clear.
I am 100% FREE of herpes.
I wanted to contract herpes with Shirley, the dock-walker down by the wharf. She has dark eyes, tells crazy lies, and lives with 9 cats named dog. She works the LATE NIGHTS and it’s out of sight when the sky bear calls and the kitten paradise opens her legs. I met her the first time at Buck’s retirement party, after he lost his boat to the lamprey near Sitka. And I swore I felt a lukewarm grease as I made her feel the full pipe, but even with that swipe I’m still HERPES CLEAR.
I used to hang out with the DURB BROTHERS down by Hagensville, where the pavers went on strike and the roads have turned to dust. There was this wench-woman named FRIDA who ran the protein-hustle for Doc Torg and the Ballard Vikings. She had a smear made of mites and frog testicles and fever sweat – she’d mix in some AMERICAN CHEESE and other spices … she swore it would give me herpes … But I’m still herpes clear … HERPES CLEAR!
When I was stationed in S. Korea, I met some chicks down range. I bought their drinks, it was part of the kink, they tell me about “8 way charlie” and I’d ask: “are you herpes clear?” They weren’t, but it didn’t matter – I tried to go ACES with the Midget of Tokuri, but I got lost in sage grass and Cody style crotch massages. Her lips were covered in sores, and more she didn’t care about the red drip. But I knew, if I could, I would contract herpes and take it home – so that all my friends could say … “Dan, you’re not herpes clear” … that would have been something.
China has created a herpes virus that manifests as cheeseburgers growing on your skin. In partnership with the Gates Foundation and the Vatican, they got this virus that will cause outbreaks, of tiny cheese burgers, on your skin … you just cut them off and eat them … but you won’t be herpes clear.