Day: November 4, 2024

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THIS IS MY HOOKER GRANDMA, SHE’S NOT GOING BACK!

This is my hooker grandma.

She is voting for MEGA-HAIRY-BALLS because she does not want AMERICA going back to the AMERICA that used to be AMERICA. She also wants to shove a probe up your butt to search for aliens. She talks to ELVIS while on the toilet, but she’s okay, she’s gonna be fine.

My grandma says she doesn’t want it to GO BACK To the way it used to be, when she had to rinse out her boovula with diesel fuel and broken glass …

Her boovula is filled with potato bugs, her eyes are jaundiced from liver failure.

CAN YOU CARE ENOUGH BRAH?

Care …

MY GRANDMA? – she had to get 40 abortions from a DUDE named KYLE, and he used dynamite and rebar and mineral spirits and sulfuric acid. It was HORRIBLY MONSTROUS and NOBODY CARED and DONALD TRUMP would film it and sell the movies to Warren Buffet. Do you care BRAH?

BECAUSE OF EVIL MEN, my grandma was kept on an ISLAND in the South Sea, she was traded among the elite and used for her sexual prowess. Frank Sinatra and JFK shared her once, giving her a WYOMING COWBOY RIDE, but she wasn’t ready for it. It hurt her, and nobody cared. WE WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT BROH?

Do you care about my grandma?

MY GRANDMA had to eat sand-mice for dinner and the water she drank was brown and fetid. Random men would come along and kick her in her groin, as random women tossed bricks at her and chased her down the street. Children threw gasoline bombs at my grandma, and mocked her as she rolled on the ground to put out the flames. And you are VOTING for BLUMP to send us back to that? You hate my grandma?

I’ll kill you.

My grandma once had sex with 200 Mexican farm workers. HUGO CHAVEZ had been fumigating her “attic”, while my grandpa was getting drunk at Denny’s and masturbating to GAY PORN. AFTER GRANDPA JIZZED on his GRAND SLAM, he went back home and found 80 dicks stuck in his wife and this drove him cocaine crazy mad. He got out his chainsaw and began chopping up them Mexicans, Mexicans that were sent to his home by Donald Trump and Ray Charles.

If you vote for TRUMP, we are going back to this.

The last few years have been hard on my grandma. MAGA-PUNKS down the STREET stole her French bulldog and turned it into taco meat, selling the meat back to my grandma – it was a good deal, prices, amirite?

THESE YOUNG FUCKING PUNKS chase my grandma, and chant MAGA THEMES and beat her with sticks and chains. This was LIFE under Donald Trump, for my grandma … do you even fucking care?

We can’t let it go back.

Under TRUMP, my grandma would be severely abused by the VA hospital. They had her undergoing surgeries she didn’t need, and the doctors would sew dead squirrels into her open wounds. Some of them laughed as the nurses pee’d on her, and nobody cared, cuz TRUMP was PREZ.

We can’t let it go back bro.

My poor grandma …

MY POOR FUCKING GRANDMA had to WORK in the kitten factories when she was 12 years old. 16 hour shifts, two days off every 6 months. HER JOB was to pry the kittens out of the molds, and if they were deformed? – she had to dump the kittens in the drowning pool out back.

And the TRUMP family OWNED that terrible place.

And if you VOTE for TRUMP? – we’re going back to that and WORSE you FUCK!

MY GRANDMA had to travel 5 minutes to find an abortion clinic a few weeks ago. She’d been having 7 way FRIDAY NIGHTS with the BINGO CREW and it turned out she had an egg or two in storage … well … she didn’t want a kid at her age, so she had to drive FIVE MINUTES to find the 24 hour Planned Parenthood Abortion Clinic and Strip Club …

So dangerous … so inconvenient.

This could have ruined her life.

Don’t let TRUMP do this …

MY POOR FUCKING MISERABLE GRANDMA was eating at the TWIN COW BUFFET off of Boston Street, when JERGIZ, the THROAT MUFFIN, started punching my grandma and demanding monies. He says she owed him for the CRACK and METH and KROKODIL he sold her, but my sweet grandma? – WTAF.

We had to slay that fuck, and dump him and the truck out by Collin’s Farm.

And this is what happens if TRUMP is president.

Can’t go back, won’t go back.

My poor grandma didn’t get proper medical attention. When she was sick when TRUMP was president her doctors gave her a bunch of pills and stuck needles in her and cut off her legs and arms.

If Trump gets back in, what will grams do?

DAMN THAT PAPA BLUMP!

(taking away abortions from my grandma)

My GRANDMA was CHASED by devil-pirates and she fought off the NAZIS during WW2. SHE’S STILL a SILVER HAIRED SHARK-MAIDEN, out on the great blue looking out for me and you. HER CURVE-SOUL STREAM was the GLEAM that shocked the cocaine world and led her to BANGER NIGHTS in Manhattan.

If Trump gets elected he will hunt her down and strap her to a large wooden frame. He will brutally ravage my grandma, thereby giving himself incurable genital crabs. Within 4 weeks Trump is DEAD and JD Vance (seen DEADZONE) takes over and launches nukes at the jerks who made fun of him as a kid.

We can’t go back to that, can we, my puppy fodder friends?

IF TRUMP WINS …

OH BY GOSH the entire SEA of HORDE MONKEYS will crawl out of our toilets and take our grandmas feminine hygiene products and perfume and makeup and adult diapers. Our GRANDMAS will be NAKED before the TRIBUNALS. Hunted and filled with harlotry, they will flaunt their GRANDMA beach bodies as they dance the 7 veils for cocktails and kidney-rice. It would be NICE if you sent her a CHRISTMAS CARD this year, put down that beer and give her a call. OH DEAR – are you little Mr. Rotten Cakes?

THIS IS MY GRANDMA … fighting off MAGA-PUNKS in SECTOR-9-TANGO. She’s a BALL when that big haul comes in and all the FLYNN MERCHANTS are out of shell-spice and plankton-soap. TRUMP will tear her apart, setting her homes on fire and using piano wire to strangle her poor little FRENCH BULLDOG. THERE IS NO SAFE SPACE for a woman of her grace and charm, and great harm will come to grandma if we don’t stop TRUMP and his MAGA TARD SCROG FORCES under the command of JD VANCE! Someone’s got to do SOME DAMN THING about BLUMP!

LORGEN-FLOR, the thirst-griever of King Temblass, hid a faerie dust trail from our old GRANDMAS. They might have ESCAPED this JUNGLE HELL, and made it, scantily clad, to an island of bliss and busty women and group showers. BUT NO, TRUMP stopped it because he can’t handle powerful women with untreated herpes!

And now my GRANDMA doesn’t have healthcare and she’s all alone in her condo in Hawaii, ungunjoolating herself while she watches the surfers get eaten by squid.

All because TRUMP got elected or will get elected … maybe he won’t.

All because of that.

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BTANL: Chapter 10 – DANARCHISM

We’re NOT SCIENTOLOGY …

We’re a GROOVEMENT, we INVENTED the FIVE TRILLION YEAR HOA and the JOHN LURCH SOCIETY, D.F.G.T.C., fuck you pay me type love pyramids …

A HUGE GROOVEMENT of HIGH POWER FOR-PROFIT TAX SCHEMES and triple secret vampire-tontine default swaps … our financial backers include Tootle’s Butt Cream and Old Maverick .357 magnum rounds. But it goes deeper, to the ancient deep time of those ages so far back that remembrance of yesterday is an afterthought in the shadow of eternity … yeah.

A danarchist approaches life with a “okay fuck it” kind of attitude. We are not interested in the bland arts and have no desire to cook your food. If we happen to make you breakfast, you will complain, probably get food poisoning, and this is not in alignment with GRINKEN STYLE joy-life KOOLAID energy.

DANARCHISTS NEGATE GANDALF-STYLE INTERRUPTIONS. We equate friendliness with edge-tingling maneuvers (the SOVIETS and NAZIS invading POLAND STYLE SHIT). If some mother fucker shows up at your shed and says “ZED, follow me to get the RINGS!”, grab your .454 CASULL and remind that bearded FUCK that life is hard and the SHIRE is worse. Some fucking princess send you a THREAT CHAIN email? – “help me ZED you’re my only hope”, that kind of sideways bullshit? How many men do you think she FUCKED before she found you? Don’t be a schmuck, tell that whore to beat bricks.

YOU WILL engage with LIFE-POWER on a need basis. Water pooling in the cavern spirit parts of your bowels will release METH BASKET gift cards and holiday spirit spiced coffee scents. DO NOT RELENT when the snow-maiden comes with a dead hare, and the BEAR pygmies begin a great journey to the STRIPPER VILLAGES of Yellowknife and Campbell Lake.

Here are the 5 core elements:

1 – GRINKEN WAVES

Have you ever been to the beach and felt the power of pure wave energy?

A salty wind crystal caress, touching your heart-ravens and messing with inner ear balance and strange feelings of loss. YOU CAN make peace with the self-disconnect, but only in wrestling with the longing sense of breathtaking soul grieving. A foul portent from seagull wanderers provides a witness to what is to come. Don’t have fun pretending that there is an escape, but make your peace with the salty wind and grow.

A DANARCHIST balances the peppermint fantasies. He endures the smoky and broken cowboy hangouts and transcends ordinary meat and sausages. He does not eat FISH or LAMB or SHRIMP, and as pimps go he limps and lurches so that others can sense his pipe-shivers.

THE GRINKEN WAVE paves the way and your surfboard awaits. GREET CHAOS with a FIRECRACKER SMILE and go that extra mile to find pastry-wax for your girlfriends birthday. TINY MARKS are left on your HOLE-SOUL, and the frivolous wanting of yesteryear gives way to multi-level orgasmic love-sex romance.

2 – HARLOT GRAPPLING

YOUR LIBERTY PRIDE is INSIDE the WOAH-MAN of your future. Don’t SUTURE THE WOUND WENCH, but mend the wings of dreams no longer respected. Your PALM ENERGY slides into her cape and the NIP SLIP PANTRY THIEF turns over a new leaf and leaves your grimy October maple tree concerns with Aunt Jiminy and the slime-crawlers from two towns over.

HER NEED BEAM is to have a RING on her finger, YOUR GRINKEN MAN FLAVOR PACK comes from an understanding of colonoscopies and Penicillin panty parties. THE HARLOT LURKS, she don’t LURCH. You can CATCH THE GAIT of some BITCH losing faith in her TIGER-SPIRIT and she LURKS near the liquor store and drinks Mickey’s with “Peaches” and Joe. She’ll never go home again, and you’ll be stuck raising her kid, “Daisy”, and for decades you will barely get by as the SKY HAWK SHAMAN MOCKS YOU.

YOUR ESCAPE is to GRAB that GAPE and make it pay for the words she’d never say.

BUY CHEAP .22LR at the WALMART this week, the HARLOTS are spreading to Tulsa.

3 – YO DUDE

YOU DUDE …

You’ve been rude to your homeroom cadre. Your sister-bits has been upset about the broken NINTENDO and DAD wants you go move out and get a job.

YO, PAL …

I was here when the time-reaper cast your mom into the boiling sea and there was nothing but white muck and pleasure grease and some kind of JOURNEY playing on the radio. Your SADIE MADRE would SAY: “take that garbage to the cub”. But momma, she didn’t want you to drop out and sell crack or smack, momma saw something HUGE’R inside – a kind of demon ORANGE PRIDE.

YOU FRIEND – it’s the END of Mario’s Pizza and Jimmy Stewart soup. The GRAY POOP from grandad’s venison stew was left as a warning to those poor saps stuck in flounder-pounder-grounder morass and your ASS is going to HELL because the bell has rung, and the dung piles high, making your passage to a yellow sky.

4 – SPACE TETHERING

EVERYONE IS CONNECTED to a TETHER.

Every person connects to all other persons and stars and moons with tethers.

Moons and planets and asteroids are tethered to each other, through lines of force: weak/strong nuclear, electromagnetic, gravity, and the SALAMANDER SMILES of turtles and raven children.

Your woman’s boovula is tethered to the sun and to you. She HEATS UP when that sun cooks her power-focus and WOAH-MAN rage-splendor kicks into high gear, near the climax, when the bedsheets get messy and OLD TESSY makes runny Canadian syrup.

A TETHER CONNECT YOU to your family and your dog.

Your cat has a tether that connects her to your friend Kate, and Kate is tethered to your frozen pizza.

YOU CAN’T SEE IT SNOW PETAL, but I am CONNECTED to YOU via a tether – we feel each other’s stomach cramps and intestinal jumbles, we feel when that apple crumble gone bad from the TRAD WIFE SURGERY HYPE and the lost widow spark sprinkles left to TRINKLE near the driveway and Old SCRATCH.

YOUR ENEMIES ARE TETHERED TO YOUR SOUL, your hate for them causes you to FLOAT as they burn like paper Japanese torches, released to the SKY for a GOODBYE KISS.

There are tethers connecting atoms and frogs and Kevin Bacon – all joined by a super universe of tether wellness.

5 – SELF SURGERY

You need 5 pound test fishing line and modeling knives.

You need super glue and GORILLA TAPE and chunks of scrap wood from the abandoned church.

You need VODKA and a mirror and some kind of candle or light in case it is dark …

You need suturing needles and clamps and vices and spreaders from the Oreilly’s Auto Parts, and it’s good stuff too – the same shit they use at hospitals in Moldova.

HAVE YOUR FRIEND knock you over the head with a lead pipe, if he’s performing surgery in the alley – but if it’s YOU doing SELF SURGERY, then just finish off half that vodka bottle and pour the rest in your open wound.

SHOVE INTO THAT CHASM gravel and broken glass and metal shavings and wood chips and diesel fuel and one or two dead squirrels. Sew it up and drink more vodka, as the wound heals and you slowly drift off towards heaven.

CONCLUSION:

You are not safe here, you were never safe here.

So many ways in which your LIFE POWER can SHOWER the world with crimson drops and mops won’t be around to clean up that mess I tells ya.

YOU ARE NOT SAFE at WORK.

That JERK WENDY reported you to HR and said you trapped HER in your car, after tricking her to the bar for a “professional development opportunity”. DICK-SURGE was the MOTION and the lotion flowed but she slapped your CHEEK. THE MEEK will inherit the NETFLIX and the strong will smoke a bong and rap that GOOBER across the face, leaving a mess for the DRAG QUEENS to clean up on Saturday.

SO DROP THE ACT and BREATHE.

LET GO of SLACKER AWARENESS and BREED that SEED to the east and the west.

Leave pale smears everywhere you go …

Prove to your WOAH-MAN that your GRINKEN SPUNK is CHUNKY SURPRISE and it belies a D.B. Cooper in old suede jeans.

G.M.F.Y.I.L.Y.