Day: December 13, 2025

My colo-check friend sent me an email.

Dear Colo-Check Friend:

I and our local jungle shaman inspected your stool sample. It is red and green and black. There are hints of aspen and whey. We can't adjudicate the smell, it is like offal to the senses.

See a doctor friend. See one soon.

Love you,

Eduardo of Ecuador

THIS WAS SHOCKING TO ME!

So I contacted my primary care physician, DOCTOR GRUNKIS of Little Saigon Seattle.

I met my GUY out in that alley behind the Italian-Vietnamese restaurant: “Pho-Get-About-it”. He pulled out his blazer knives and his fireball laser inspectors and other gadgets he hobbled together from shit he bought at NAPA auto parts.

He inserted the plumber’s helper, with camera, into my anal cavity and proceeded to move up the dark chasm to the B-ZONE. Upon arrival, he recorded sights and sounds beyond compare. None could forget the great vistas beyond imagination, like the hollow Earth sequences from those fucking King Kong movies. Like that, but greasier and with more tacos.

He referred me to the RUSSIAN veterinarian that lived in Tacoma.

After that I was transferred to Harborview for butt bleedage and other gumbo.