MP3: https://planetarystatusreport.com/mp3/20231224_MY_ANCIENT_ANCESTORS.mp3
Donate: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/doctorfreckles
My ancient ancestors would cut off their toes, when the wind blew too hard, and they didn’t have meat for the winter …
My ancient ancestors would sew together amulets and treasures and donkey cocks and make necklaces and sell them on e-bay …
My ancient ancestors?
They would soak their penises in whiskey, and draw lots to wrestle hyenas naked …
Their lives were spent in fear, of not having beer, and being called queer and setting fire to midnight pleasure.
Our PATH was gruesome, but my ancient ancestors had gusto.
My ancient ancestors were known as “sword masters”, sought after by the busty maidens, making “hay” with those in the know.
My ancient ancestors harvested muck from the city, they’d drain out the poop baskets – filtering for “second harvest” …
My ancient ancestors were rad.
My ancient ancestors ruled over the PARROTS and the RAVEN …
They made baskets of seaweed and dead spiders …
Their eyes were red and glowing, their bodies emaciated because … well … they ate spiders.
But they had the PROMISE of a new day coming, when they could eat corn syrup.
My ancient ancestors were pirates and pimps, they never did simp, they rode on vacuum blimps …
My ancient ancestors survived the 1,000 Year War, and made off like bandits beyond the Kuiper Belt …
My ancient ancestors sung songs of the deep, that never did sleep, while we are chased by sky lords.
My ancient ancestors had torpedo style lovers, they carried Jersey switchblades, they had a good time in Vegas.
My ancient ancestors would carve their names on platypus caves, leaving behind urine and fecal matter, letting go of pain and loneliness.
My ancient ancestors cooked dynamite stew, and ate magic goo, and traveled at light speed to PLANET TWO … that’s VENUS crap head, where the dead have radar eyes, and only dolphins tell lies, and the skies burn hot.
My ancient ancestors spoke weird words to bad animals, they tracked muskrat-buffalo, they fed on twice cured wine.
My ancient ancestors had hooks for hands and made 11 grand pounding sand for the duke of Pakistan …
My ancient ancestors made soothing elixirs, they were known as fixers and achieved oneness with cats.
My ancient ancestors were known as STEEL CAPTAINS, their hearts were glorious and NEW, they sniffed super glue.
My ancient ancestors walked the streets near Grinken Town, hunted scuzz-flesh in S’compton, traveled to Splunkton and even Ohio.
My ancient ancestors had cable TV, and we’d watch SHANNON TWEED, LATE AT NIGHT, ON CINEMAX … after dark … while our parents got drunk at the Notty Pine.
My ancient ancestors burned RUNES on their skin, because they could never let in the sweet love of Jesus.
My ancient ancestors wore kilts, to the hilt, and enjoyed lusty sex in the meadow … just after springtime.
My ancient ancestors brewed the finest ale, made of snail grease and mutton and there was nothing more to say, OKAY?!?
VELVEETA: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10651
I’m Here: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10649
A picture: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10646
All trash: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10644
There’s fiber in it: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10642
Probed: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10640
You ever wish: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10637
If AI were real: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10635
Dive Bars: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10633
COTUS: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10629
Mockery: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10626
Men want women: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10621
In honor: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10619
Prohibition: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10615
Mark my words: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10613
Irish Hitler: https://planetarystatusreport.com/?p=10611