I’m raising money to make this movie, starring Stephen Baldwin, and I figure I need at least $5,000 to pay him … maybe 10.
It’s a movie about a dude that finds a time machine in his backyard, left there by aliens eons ago, and he decides to travel through time and kill random people …
The movie is called TIME SHREDDER …
It’s big … HUGE.
His name will be YARD COOLIDGE and he’ll have a hooker girlfriend named Tina. They start making love after they arrive in the time of the ANCIENT GREEKS and then become the overlords of time zone JELLY …
This movie will make BANK at the box office …
PG13 rating …
I’m gonna make this other movie, STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …
It will be about some rogue comet heading towards the EARTH, and it’s OUT OF CONTROL and NOTHING CAN BE DONE … but REX STAR BLASTER (Stephen Baldwin) can save the day …
REX has a suit of cobalt-platinum-steel and a sidekick named Neil …
REX flies a rocket ship into outer space and uses his NEUTRONIC BEAM to split the comet into two smaller pieces … so that these pieces can be deflected using a tractor beam thingy …
AND I JUST NEED 6 MILLION DOLLARS TO MAKE THIS MOVIE … big.
We’ll get SHANNON TWEED to CO STAR … she’s old though … is she alive?
Maybe we’ll get that brunette ho-bag from the ATT commercials, the one with the BIG JUGGS …
But we’re still short funds.
I’ve got this other IDEA for a HUGE SERIES on NETFLIX, also STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …
Stephen plays a traveling minstrel and story teller in faerie tale times …
He wanders around small villages, playing songs and making people laugh …
But he also steals OLD PEOPLE and CHOPS THEM UP and PLACES THEM IN A GRINDER powered by a water wheel … it’s bad …
We think we can shoot the whole thing in Slovakia … use porn stars for the cast.
But we need some MONEY … now.
We were thinking about this project …
A BIG PROJECT …
A MOVIE ABOUT TRAVELING to MARS!
STARRING: STEPHEN BALDWIN
He’s gonna have a BIG PART – “Captain Hellstrom” of the ASTRONAUTICAL SOCIETY …
They’ve lost contact with their base on MARS …
Hellstrom is being sent there to FIND OUT what went wrong, what happened …
His sexy love interest, “Commander Leslie”, might be played by some washed up actress … maybe Sandra Bullock … maybe Zellweger …
Here are some other ideas:
- “Island Passion”: the story of a washed up sea captain that falls in love with a native in Tasmania …
- “CUBA DEBACLE”: Stephen plays a spy, on the run, being chased by all sides, not knowing WHY till it’s too late …
- “MISSILE ALERT”: the story of a team of eco-terrorists taking over a US missile complex, and Stephen Baldwin plays the janitor that saves the day …
A lot of cool projects …
STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN …